Well, I made it through yesterday on semi-autopilot and there are many things that I would like to apologize for.
First off, I would like to apologize to my husband for the blubbering mess he came home to at lunch…oh and the name calling. That was mean. Thank you for putting all that aside to love me and hold me while I cried myself to sleep. I needed that. Your love and patience and understanding through all of this is amazing. You are such a wonderful person and I am so blessed to be your wife. I promise that you’ll have your Babe back one day. When you do….look out…va va voom.
To my chunky monkey…I love you more than you know. I am so sorry that I yelled at you when you put your head in doggies water dish and got all wet. You thought it was pretty funny but I yelled at you and made you cry. I promise you that I will be a better mom to you someday. You deserve a better mommy and I’m sorry that I’m not her right now. When you leaned over and gave me a boogery kiss last night while I was crying and said “Muwhaaaa” I am reminded of why I keep fighting…Because I love you so much.
To my BFF Michelle…I know that you don’t understand what I am going through and I know that it is awkward for you when I call you in a panic because you don’t know what to say….just know that answering the phone and just letting me cry yesterday meant the world to me. I’m so lucky to have you as my BFF
To Coco Beans… I love that you understand how I’m feeling but at the same time I am so sad that you have felt like this too. I never knew the pain a person could feel. If I ever told you to snap out of it, I give you permission to kick me in the baby maker….because I don’t have your man parts. I know that we haven’t talked in a while and I thank you for putting our “friendship neglect” aside and texting me back so quickly. You are such a great friend and I thank you for making me chuckle. Love me.
Next I want to apologize for my numerous postings yesterday. They are annoying. Actually, I’m not sorry because when I feel bad talking or in this case, writing about it makes me feel better. But I’m sorry if they were annoying. Thanks to all of the women who took the time to give me words of encouragement. You don’t know how much that helps to motivate me to fight through another minute of the day. You are all such strong wonderful people and I am so blessed that you took the time to respond to me.
I also would like to apologize to the lady at the counter at Tim Horton’s for witnessing my shameless temper tantrum when the whipped cream on my cafe mocha melted before it was handed to me. The whipped cream is the best part and I was looking forward to it. *I know I sound like an a-hole because there are bigger problems in the world and I shouldn’t be bitching about whipped cream I apologize for that too.
I would also like to apologize on behalf of the douche bag at the Crisis Hotline who hung up on me. I just pray to God that it only happened to me…I was blessed to lean on wonderful people around me…so I just pray that if someone else was hung up on, they were able to find help.
That is all….
I don’t think you have anything to apologise for. It sounds as if there’s a lot of people out there who love you, and are glad to be on hand to support you until you’re back up on your feet. You’ve not done anything worth apologising for – you’re struggling and they can see that.
Just take care of yourself, it sounds like you’ve had some dark days. I never believed anyone when they said ‘you will get through it’ but I did, and I’m no superhero, so just for you, even if you don’t believe it either – you will get through it.
xx
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Thank you so much. It’s hard to believe it sometimes when you’re in such a dark place. I have to remind myself a lot.
Thanks for the words of encouragement!
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You need a HUG! It’s coming to you, over the internet. Can you feel it?
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makemommygosomethingsomething Reply:
February 3rd, 2010 at 8:30 am
Yes, thank you so much Laura….I needed that
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