Dr.T (the dermatologist): It’s eczema
Me: Eggg zzzeeema?!
Dr.T: Yup, that’s what I said.
Me: X EMMAAA? You’re kidding.
Dr. T: Well it could be that or you had a delayed reaction to the antibiotics you took for that thing on your leg.
Me: In other words, you really don’t know what I have do you?
Dr. T: What kind of meds are you tak…. (looking at medication list giving the eye of oh my god you are on enough meds to tranquilize a small horse of some kind)… ing. Oh. What’s all this for?
Me: I have postpartum depression and anxiety and post traumatic stress disorder.
Dr. T: Oh, I’m sorry. How old is your little one?
Me: (proudly) He’s going to be 2 in August!
Dr. T: ( giving me a quizzical look like “I’m about to say something really sarcastic”) He’s 2 aaaaannnd, you. Still. Have postpartum issues or is this some lingering mental illness issue?
Me: Well, it’s been a long recovery and the only thing that’s lingering is this rash.
Dr. T: It’s eczema. Here’s some cream put it on. It should help.
Me: So, am I supposed to take a bath in this cream cause the rash is EVERYWHERE?
Dr. T: You mean the eggg zeeema.
Me: I waited 2.5 hours to talk to you for 2.5 seconds and get a diagnosis of EXXXXeeeeema?
Dr. T: Yes, nothing wonderfully intersting eh?
FACK. FACK. FACK. FACK.
This is like the dumbest diagnosis that I’ve had so far and this is coming from a dermatologist. Know what MY diagnosis is…BAD DOCTORS. How about that one?
Oh the best part was when my family doctor called me today to ask me how the rash was and she was thinking of putting me on more antibiotics. Like does ANYONE KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING? Why am I getting steroids from the ER, antibiotics from my family doctor, creams from the hobo down the street….self medicating with beer…fack. This is retarded.
All I want to know is, am I going to die the next time I get this?
Today’s Rash Tally
Rash 6 Doctors ZERO
I need a facken drink.
PS. Sending love to my psychiatrist who hooked me up with this nut…pun intended…apparently it takes like months to get an appointment with him but he got me an appointment within days. They tried getting a hold of me the day they scored the appointment but my phone was off the hook. They got all worried and Dr. B sent his secretary out to my house to see if I was ok…no one was answered the door and they worked really hard trying to get a hold of me. So kudos to my Dr.B and his secretary for fighting for me and caring for me so much. Seriously, I need to send them a fruit basket or something. Or is that too weird? I will send Dr T, the dermatologist some bags to go with his douche.