If I was given the chance to redo one moment in my life, I would have never saved that patient’s life.
As I was being wheeled back into the operating room on Wednesday, I began to tear up. The nurse noticed and had stopped the stretcher in the hallway. She put her hand over mine and asked me if I was nervous. I nodded my head yes.
Truthfully, I was more than excited and ready to get the first of 4 rounds of steroid injections. They meant pain relief.
I was tearing up because I was pissed that I had to be going through this.
On December 7th, 2003, I was working out at triage when I was approached by a woman asking for a wheelchair. Our ER never had wheelchairs and I more than likely smirked at her request. I asked if the patient was capable of walking in and she calmly said
“He. He is not breathing.”
Without thinking I ran out to the parking lot.
I remember the patient slumped over the hood of a black car. From a distance I could see that his lips were pursed and tinged blue. As I approached him, his wide distraught scared eyes said it all.
I needed to act fast.
If he was a small child, I would have carried him into the ER, but he was larger than I was. I ran back into the ER to get a wheelchair and obviously there were none. There were no transport stretchers. There was only one option…
A computer swivel chair.
I ran back out to him and lifted him onto the chair and dragged him to our trauma bay. He was intubated within minutes and my spine?
Was destroyed within seconds.
I remember his mother standing in the trauma bay entrance talking to one of our resident doctors. She said that he had stopped using his asthmatic medications at school because it wasn’t cool.
I wanted to choke him.
When talking to other people about my back issues I hear things like “Kim, you saved a child’s life” all the time…
…but truthfully, if I had the chance to do it again, I would have left him out in the parking lot.
I would much rather be pain free than a hero.
PS. Since some of you have started to join in on the Confessions, which I think is pretty facken awesome, I thought I’d add a little badge so you can take me with you. Or not…