When the fog dissipated, I slipped comfortably back into my shoes and I felt present. A sense of calmness soon waved through my soul and my thoughts became still. It was within this peaceful quiet of my mind that I became acutely aware of my surroundings. It’s like the world around me had been painted like a new beautiful portrait; waiting for me to rediscover it all.
For when you live in the fog of postpartum depression you don’t notice…
How bright colourful lights are.
The way that fresh fallen snow makes everything seem so still.
The way the bitter air creates those rosy cheeks I long to kiss.
The way cookie dough deliciously melts in your mouth.
The way he wags his tail in excitement when you stop to play fetch.
The way you sweat while trying to stuff this kid in layers.
The way garland can become so much more with a little imagination.
The way his face lights up with love when he’s with Daddy.
The magical feeling that festive decorations can create in your heart.
The way you find your manger every morning and it makes you giggle.
The way a hot latte can warm your soul on a chilly Monday morning.
The way that glitter reflects, casting shimmery dances of light on the walls.
The way the Christmas tree, full of memories of years past, emits a comforting glow.
The way I can count down the days till Christmas because I am actually excited for it this year.
As I sit here at 1 am, my finger looms over the delete key for the hundredth time, trying to convey how spectacular the world really is when you’re free from the oppressive fog of postpartum depression. It’s like watching the sun rise in the morning as it brings life to a slumbering world. As the light hits each object, you notice that the world is made up of intricate breathtaking details that makes you feel good all the way to your toes.
That make you feel excited to be present in the moment to witness it all.
All of these things may seem simple, but when you’re that fog, they go unnoticed. So this year, in the quiet of my mind, I will sit and observe this season, soaking in the newness of it all and feeling truly blessed to be where I am at.
I am so ready for Christmas.
PS. Thanks Dr.B