I plugged our toilet on St.Patty’s Day.
Bare with me.
Shawn: Did you give the toilet hell? You were in there long enough.
Me: No. I’m constipated and I had one of those poops that did the disappearing reappearing act.
Me: You know when you push and it pops out but then it sucks back in. Kinda like a turtle head.
Shawn: My God, you are so hot right now.
Me: This is a serious matter Shawn. All of my medications are binding me up. I sat there for like 20 minutes squirming, shaking, squeezing, holding on to the toilet bowl for leverage, and praying to Jesus that if he lets me poop I’ll give up candy for lent but all I got was one turd and some broken blood vessels in my eye.
Shawn: I’ve never had a shit like that. Mine just comes out.
Me: Show off
Shawn: I don’t understand why you’re having so much trouble. You eat that power dump cereal in the morning that has like 6 grams of fibre per serving, and half a bottle of Benefiber. You should be a shitting machine.
Me: Nope. Days Shawn. Days. It’s been days since the horse poked it’s head out of the barn.
Shawn: Why are we talking about this again?
Me: Oh because one of my rabbit pellets plugged the toilet.
Shawn: Come on.
Shawn: A tiny poop wouldn’t plug the toilet. Did you use a half a roll of toilet paper to wipe?
Me: No, but I flushed a tampon.
Shawn: I can’t even look you in the eye right now.
Chunky: Momma plugged the toyet! Momma plugged the toyet!
And this my friends is how you solidify your status of Queen of Over Share
You are welcome.