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Secret Mommy-hood Confession Saturday

I think that 90% of my day is looking for shit.

Not poop shit.

Shit.

Shit like stuffed animals.

Thanks HT for his monkey…next time he loses it, you’re coming home to find it.

 

Shit like the YELLOW Lego not the red one

Shit like soo soo’s (yes Chunky still uses a soother)

This is how we roll in the Casa de Chunky

Shit like his blankie.

Shit like dinkie cars.

Shit like sippy cups.

Shit like the ORANGE spoon and not the green one.

Shit like finding that one red piece that makes the dinkie car race track complete.

Who says women can’t build cool things?

Shit like finding a station that plays Yo Gabba Gabba right at this exact moment.

Shit like finding the nearest liquor store.

Don’t worry, I wasn’t the designated driver that night.

And if any of that shit isn’t found in a timely manner, my toddler loses his shit.

And I lose my shit.

He may be cute but he’ll rip your face off for a donut

Oh I hate looking for shit.

Shit taunts me.

And as a warning: The next person to purchase a stuffed animal for his birthday will get stabbed….

By my mean side evil eye…

Looks like my hand is waiting for a giant sausage…

And it will pierce their soul in a very awkward manner.

And the thing is, I’m pretty damn good at seeking and hunting down things.

Kind of makes me wonder if the US of A should have hired me to find Bin Laden?

I would have done it for a bazillion dollars.

And a lifetime supply of Lucky Charms.

No lie.

 

 

21 Comments

  1. Gigi Gigi

    This is so damn funny and spot on.

    We live in fear of losing my daughter’s Teddy bear.

  2. Oh, how I can relate to this. I spend more time looking for everyone’s stuff or hearing “Mom, do you know where…” then everything else combined! The good thing is half of my children are old enough to get told “No, I don’t wear/use it! If you want it, go find it! “. Just a few more years left of searching for shit… πŸ˜€

    Hugs!

  3. Now, there’s my Kimmy! Love this post — unfortunately, I’m still looking for stuff, even though I no longer have toddlers, or high-schoolers, for that matter. Just a husband who uses me as his personal Google to find his stuff. πŸ™‚

  4. I hear you loud and clear! My daughter is a drama queen and can’t seem to find anything on her own! She will cry if she can’t find something but come to find out she never looked in the first place. She just throws herself on the ground like she has searched for weeks and its lost forever! Oh gawd! Now you see why I need my Zoloft!

    Megan

  5. Instead of teddy bears & lego, I’m now picking up golf equipment, tennis racquets, computer games etc off the floor. It never ends. Only difference is their toys get bigger!

  6. yep! I spend my day looking for shit too. especially the soothie, the sippy cups and the green lego, cause green is the only color name damian knows. i hear ya’ hun! and the next time my MIL buys another toy that plays loud music or one that’s big enough to take up 2/3 of my family room, i’m handing it over to Toys for Tots

  7. Ummm, I’m sorry, but your picture looks more like you are waiting for your husband sausage, wink, wink. God, I’m a sicko.

    I would go all postal on you for a donut too. πŸ™‚

  8. As I pulled your postfrom Twitter, I wassearching for the “brownswimming Barbie, not the white one.” Seriously good timing. I go on nuggie hunts (mea’s soother) all the time. I am always looking for her shit,before the meltdown occurs.I can so relate.

  9. My son is a teenager. You know how he looks for shit? He stands in the doorway, peers into the room it might be in, and says, “I can’t find it.” Yeah, I’m still hunting down shit. Luckily he doesn’t lose his shit when his shit can’t be found quite like a toddler does anymore. πŸ™‚ Loved this post! (OMG, I hear you on the stuffed animals! We have finally gotten rid of MOST of them!)

  10. We moved recently and so we’re now in the deepest throes of lost shit-land. (although some of it was lost on purpose πŸ˜‰ )
    I love this post!!!

  11. Every time I can’t find a pipey (pacifier) or Lamby, I get the vom feeling in my gut.

    I am ALWAYS looking for shit.

    Because like you said, finding the shit means no one loses theirs.

    Sigh….

  12. Mom! Mom! Can you find that Lego guy’s head for me? I think it rolled under the couch. No! It rolled under the stove. Can we move the stove? WHY NOOOOOTTTTT?

  13. You kill me! I am always looking for shit,too. Chunky has a good excuse for needing you to find his shit. He’s a shorty. my kids, on the other hand, are just too damn lazy.

  14. I stopped over because 1 Funky Woman told me to and surprise! I could post a link up. Hot Shit Batman.

  15. It’s funny because it’s a universal truth for all of us moms. Frequently, I tell my kids, “I don’t have ESP. Find it yourself.”

  16. This is so true. I often tell my kids “I don’t wear/use your (insert item). Either do without or find it.” I’m glad 1 Funky Woman sent me over.

  17. In my house I call that my vagina finder because apparently I am the only one able to locate shit. I would trade the soother for a kid that doesn’t piss himself every.single.night. Sometimes twice.

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