“So how are we?” he says as he leans back in his leather chair.
I recognize this is the part where I need to elaborate.
“People are driving super slow. It’s like they’re moving through mud. Sooo-faaaa- king slow. It’s irritating me.”
“Ah yes. You feel very charged up like people are moving slow and you’re moving fast.”
His eyebrows raise.
“Oh. I should keep talking. Well, I think I’m feeling better.”
“Good. Good. That’s fantastic. You look much better than last week. We had a bit of a scare didn’t we?”
“Just a little. Everyone says I’m looking much better too and even Shawn mentioned that I have been acting a lot better too.”
“And the thoughts are still fast but they’re not super distracting.”
This is the part where I stare deeply into his eyes hoping that I could change his mind when I ask:
“I’m still bipolar 2?”
“Yup” he says with utmost certainty.
“Really? Like how sure are we?”
“Well, look at it this way, we know why your postpartum depression was so hard to control. You were up and down and up and down and never really on an even keel. So now we are certain what works and we can go from there.”
“It still sucks. It’s so forever.”
“Forever sounds so long.”
“We’re going to work at levelling you out so that you’re moods are stable.”
“Yea, my moods flip on and off very quickly. I hate the agitation. What can I do for that?”
“Just realize that this is a state and it will pass.”
Boring stuff about medication dosage changes
“How about I see you next week?”
Next week…high-five myself in my brain because I’m tired of doctor appointments…and he trusts me for the rest of the week…boom
“Sure” I say excitedly
“Oh and say hi to your Chunky Monkey for me. This is the first appointment you’ve come solo in the last few weeks.”
Also another high-five in my brain…that means my husband trusts me too.
“Chunky actually wanted to come. When I told him I was coming to see you, he grabbed his tote bag and said “I come too.” He cracks me up.”
“He’s a good kid”
My boy and my husband are the reason why I fight.
We’ll get there guys…Thank you for loving me.