Don’t you just hate it when you make it to your doctor’s office and they trick you by putting you in an exam room right away only to have you wait for hours to see the doctor. It’s like they give you a false sense of hope that you’re going to be in and out of the office in no time.
But alas, you still have to facken wait.
I hate that.
These are my thoughts while waiting exactly 1 hour and 20 minutes to see my pain specialist.
Around 20 minute wait time mark:
- I can hear feet outside the door. I’m next. I can taste it.
- Whoa wait, where are those feet going? In here! In here!
Around 30 minute wait time mark:
- My gum is getting hard.
- I think that I could throw it in the basket from here.
- Michael Jordan going for the shot…
- Did that just roll under the desk?
- Shit. I have no idea where that went.
- What if Dr.G gets it on her shoe?
- That would be hilarious.
Around 40 minute wait time mark:
- Damn my skin looks awesome under these florescent lights.
- Seriously, I look super tanned.
- So glad that there’s a mirror in here so I can observe the awesomeness of my Italian tanned skin.
- My bangs are also rocking it today.
- I should stop staring at myself. What if Dr.G walks in and sees me making sweet love to my reflection?
Around 50 minute wait time mark:
- Damn this plastic seat is making my ass sweat.
- Summer ass.
- That’s a hilarious term.
- Speaking of ass, I have to fart.
- But what if Dr. G walks in?
- I can’t blame it on the dog because I’m the only one in here.
- Hold it Kim. Hold it.
Around 1 hour wait time mark:
- Judging by how long I’ve been staring at these posters, I could be a neurosurgeon.
- The hand bones are connected to the arm bone…
Around 1 hour and 10 minute wait time mark:
- The arm bone’s connected to the shoulder bone.
- Raffi is awesome
- I remember that one time I tried to download his music illegally for Chunky.
- It was a virus and kicked the shit out of my hard drive.
- Note to self: Don’t fuck with Raffi.
Around 1 hour and 20 minute wait time mark: She finally walks in.
It was well worth the wait because she gave me cortisone injections and trigger point injections right in her office.
I did it sans aesthetic.
Because I shat out a child from my vagina.
I can do anything now.
I won’t lie though, it hurt like a mo fo.
And I may have shed a tear.
PS. Dr. G is a sweetheart who agreed to do the injections without payment. I had them on Wednesday.