Don’t you just hate it when you make it to your doctor’s office and they trick you by putting you in an exam room right away only to have you wait for hours to see the doctor. It’s like they give you a false sense of hope that you’re going to be in and out of the office in no time.
But alas, you still have to facken wait.
I hate that.
These are my thoughts while waiting exactly 1 hour and 20 minutes to see my pain specialist.
Around 20 minute wait time mark:
- I can hear feet outside the door. I’m next. I can taste it.
- Whoa wait, where are those feet going? In here! In here!
Around 30 minute wait time mark:
- My gum is getting hard.
- I think that I could throw it in the basket from here.
- Michael Jordan going for the shot…
- Whoops
- Did that just roll under the desk?
- Shit. I have no idea where that went.
- What if Dr.G gets it on her shoe?
- That would be hilarious.
Around 40 minute wait time mark:
- Damn my skin looks awesome under these florescent lights.
- Seriously, I look super tanned.
- So glad that there’s a mirror in here so I can observe the awesomeness of my Italian tanned skin.
- My bangs are also rocking it today.
- I should stop staring at myself. What if Dr.G walks in and sees me making sweet love to my reflection?
Around 50 minute wait time mark:
- Damn this plastic seat is making my ass sweat.
- Summer ass.
- That’s a hilarious term.
- Speaking of ass, I have to fart.
- But what if Dr. G walks in?
- I can’t blame it on the dog because I’m the only one in here.
- Hold it Kim. Hold it.
Around 1 hour wait time mark:
- Judging by how long I’ve been staring at these posters, I could be a neurosurgeon.
- The hand bones are connected to the arm bone…
Around 1 hour and 10 minute wait time mark:
- The arm bone’s connected to the shoulder bone.
- Raffi is awesome
- I remember that one time I tried to download his music illegally for Chunky.
- It was a virus and kicked the shit out of my hard drive.
- Note to self: Don’t fuck with Raffi.
Around 1 hour and 20 minute wait time mark: She finally walks in.
It was well worth the wait because she gave me cortisone injections and trigger point injections right in her office.
I did it sans aesthetic.
Why?
Because I shat out a child from my vagina.
I can do anything now.
I won’t lie though, it hurt like a mo fo.
And I may have shed a tear.
PS. Dr. G is a sweetheart who agreed to do the injections without payment. I had them on Wednesday.
haha! Love it. That’s sort of the way my mind works.
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Kimberly Reply:
June 11th, 2011 at 8:28 am
@Krista, I didn’t have a magazine so I had to resort to my messed up brain. LOL
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Yay for pain meds!
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Kimberly Reply:
June 11th, 2011 at 8:27 am
@Miranda, Whoot Whoot!
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Oh Dr. G is a great woman! But remember, Don’t fuck with Raffi! HAHAHAH!
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Kimberly Reply:
June 11th, 2011 at 8:27 am
@Amy, Raffi will get you if you steal his music.
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When you find a great doctor, they’re worth the wait!
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Kimberly Reply:
June 11th, 2011 at 8:27 am
@Karyn Climans, Oh she’s totally worth the wait!!!
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Dr. G rocks!
Well, she did sort of owe you after that wait.
Summer ass – LMAO
We, that shat out children, can handle it all!!
Love your humor, girl.
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Kimberly Reply:
June 11th, 2011 at 8:27 am
@Ally, YEs, summer ass = free medical care
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Hope the injections work. Usually when I’m stuck in the doctor’s office, I read the crappy Reader’s Digest. Why do they still make those? I always read the lame “Laughter is the best medicine” pages. Hahahahaaaaa.
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Kimberly Reply:
June 11th, 2011 at 8:26 am
@Nicole, I know right? They were like made in the 70′s. Can you imagine how many fingers have touched them?! Eww!
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I think I love Dr. G. I bet she’d still do it for ya even if you farted on her chair.
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Kimberly Reply:
June 11th, 2011 at 8:26 am
@MommaKiss, Well, I may or may not have done said farting.
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HA! You’re hilarious.
I gave everyone that speech when I got my Tat. “I gave birth to a 9 pound child with no drugs… I can do ANYTHING”
Still hurt like a mo fo.
oh yeah… and YAY for FREE!
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Kimberly Reply:
June 11th, 2011 at 8:25 am
@Lindsay, I owe them like a kajillion dollars because my employer refuses to pay. But she’s on my side so that is a very good thing
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My OB office is this way. And I swear every time that I am going to switch docs.
And then I see my OB and I am all happy that he is so awesome.
And I never switch.
Also? Yay for pain meds!
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Kimberly Reply:
June 11th, 2011 at 8:24 am
@Katie, Boom. Pain meds rule.
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Love Dr. G, hate the wait.
At least you didn’t have a toddler to entertain. I’m guessing the exam room would’ve been completely redecorated if I had to wait that long with X!
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Kimberly Reply:
June 11th, 2011 at 8:23 am
@Cheryl @ Mommypants, HA! I was considering that it could have used a good sweep.
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This? Is exactly how my brain works in the doctor’s office. And why do they make us wait so darn long??
Yay for free!!
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Kimberly Reply:
June 11th, 2011 at 8:23 am
@Kimberly, I was even tempted to crack open one of the magazines that have been there since Jesus was crucified. Think of all the hands that have touched them. Eew
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Has your pain been more manageable since?
I hate waiting for specialists!
I just changed mine because twice now I’ve gone in and he’s either just left for the day or he’s forgotten he had an appointment with me.
hmmm.
Something’s not right with that man and I don’t trust him messing around with me.
If I’m left alone too long in the waiting room I start to go through various stages of weird. I think about touching their computers and then calling people on the phone.
They really should monitor me closer.
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Kimberly Reply:
June 11th, 2011 at 8:22 am
@Leighann, It takes 3 to 4 days to work so I’m still waiting but it did help the muscles so far. Hopefully this will tie me off for my pain specialist appointment in September.
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Oh man, those cortisone shots hurt like a mo-fo. I had one in my ankle once and actually screamed in the doctors ear. It was lovely.
I hate waiting like that. One time I waited for the same doctor, and finally he came in. Years later I saw that he had died and had altzeimers (sp). Now I understand why he never made it to my room for so freaking long. He forgot he had a patient.
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Kimberly Reply:
June 11th, 2011 at 8:21 am
@Donna, Oh No!!! My doctor is young and I’m certain that it’s just her being super duper slow!
PS, I got the shot in my butt joint and I thought I was going to die
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You are a badass. A total badass.
Before Craig and I were together, I was in a terrible relationship that caused me more stress than I can describe. During that time, I had trigger spot in my upper back that would put me flat in bed for days. When they told me that trigger shot injections were an option and explained just how long that needle would be, I totally wimped out and went with electro-therapy, which was only a temporary fix. But that needle! Yikes!
You go with your bad self. I knew you were a tough cookie, but I bow to you now.
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Well I just want u to know that I laughed out loud!!! The purgatory of waiting in the exam room. Argh!!! Been there too many times. Last time was with all three kids and no diaper bag (whoops…and e of course pooped midway through the wait…good times)
Glad u got some relief though. Big hugs to you…as always!
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Dying laughing. (But an hour and 20 minutes?! WTF?)
I’ve totally been there where you’re in the little office and have to fart but are worried the doc’s about to walk in. A lot of cost-benefit analysis required for that
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I once felt all cocky about having birthed my daughter sans drugs… Then my tattoo artist recently kicked my ass while shading the body of my phoenix. I am learily anticipating the shading of the tail next Friday. *hold me*
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I’m jealous if your injections work, because they didn’t work for me. High-five for meds!
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