One day you will come across my blog and that worries me. It’s not because I sometimes use big girl swear words (and no, just because Mommy says them doesn’t mean it’s ok for you to say them) but because I worry that you’ll think that you were the reason I became sick.
That is not true.
You may read things that are very heartbreaking and begin to wonder if there were any happy times in our lives when you came along.
I assure you that there were and still are plenty of those times.
There were so many moments of pure joy, like so many that I would have to spend all day and all night chronicling them. Like so many that people’s heads would explode reading all of those joyful memories we’ve had. Yes, we are that awesome together.
Chunky, 99% of my happiness comes from moments shared with you…
…sometimes your Dad…
And your Dad.
Those moments are very magical to me.
One of those magical memories was when you were just 10 months old. We went up north to Gram and Pip’s cottage. On the way there, we visited a small vacant park filled with whimsical cement characters and a teeter totter. I couldn’t resist it.
We bounced up and down, up and down and I never laughed harder. Your laughs came right from that sweet spot in your belly. I remember you kicking your arms and legs happily while I held you tightly. I could feel your heart beating fast with excitement.
It was an awesome moment.
Daddy took pictures for some reason.
He said that these pictures are his favourite of us.
“It was the first time in 8 months after you were diagnosed with postpartum depression that you smiled” he said. “This was the first time I saw you smile from your soul. This was the first time I saw my wife and best friend shine through all the facades the illness created. This was the first time that I felt confident that you were going to survive and that we were going to make it.”
That’s why this picture sits on the header of this blog. It reminds me of 2 things:
1. Our survival
2. The reason why I fight every single day…it’s because of you.
Yes, these last 3 years have been difficult, but we are making the best we can out of it.
I think we’re doing pretty good.
I love you so much and thank you for bringing so many magical happy moments to my life.
Oh wait…you want to know what the other 1% is don’t you…
Well when you’re older, you will understand this.
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