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Randomness: Don’t Worry, I Take A Pill For That

The sun is out today.

Not a cloud in the sky nor a soul in my yard except for me, the chirping crickets, and a lone crow in my tree that I want to kill.

Seriously God. Crows are already disgusting. Did you have to make them annoyingly loud?

Speaking of which, ever notice how God makes annoying things like mosquitoes? Or how about those flies that eat dog shit then land directly on your food?

Oh and then there are those annoying Sarah McLachlan ASPCA commercials that always ruin your entire fucking day.

Don’t believe me? Check it…


 

Then there are turkeys. Ugly as sin, but when cooked to glorious perfection, like my mom only can, they can be a thing of yummy beauty.

Tomorrow in Canada, we will feast on turkey and anything else we can get our grubby hands on…while giving thanks of course. And no this is not turning into one of those “I’m thankful for life and rainbows and health and that the Tigers took the Yankees to pound town” post because I am angry.

Don’t ask because I don’t know why.

It’s one of those package deals that you get when you’re diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Kind of like those shitty DVD players you get when you purchase a sofa and love seat at a furniture store.

No one fucking wants them.

And no one wants to be so angry that they’re willing to climb up an evergreen tree and kill a crow.

It’s like if someone pissed you off and it gets you all fired up inside. You want to yell at them but someone is holding a hand over your mouth. So all day you’re stuck with this anger inside and there is no way to let it escape. So it brews and brews and brews until you eventually snap and find yourself throwing things and punching walls or sending out a verbal diarrhea of tweets that make no sense.

That is me multiplyed by 10.

Only in between all this anger, I have periods of depression and anxiety.

It’s messed up.

Anyways, today while the sun is baking the anger out my armpits because someone forgot to put on deodorant, I wanted to tell you that:

  1. I’m on medication and yes, I am taking them.
  2. Yes, husband, I will stop punching and kicking and throwing things at the walls if you stop being a giant vagina when the Tigers are losing.
  3. Sorry that I haven’t read any blogs lately.
  4. Happy thanksgiving to my Canadian friends.
  5. And yes I will eat my face off.

PS. I think it’s ironic that I want to kill a crow and that I made reference to an ASPCA commercial. It’s actually quite hilarious when you think about it.

PPS. No animals were harmed

 

 

 

 

 

52 Comments

  1. I’m sorry you are feeling so chaotic inside right now I totally relate having suffered with ppd for a good while. I don’t have bi polar and I get that that is worse so I can’t imagine the fight you must have to go through to get through your day constantly. I’m sending you support in the only way I can- agreement and questions.
    1) crows are pointless, ugly and evil. I hate them. If I was there in your garden with you right now I would shimmy up that tree and ring it’s neck for you.
    2) men are annoying with sport. If I was there I would ring his neck for you.
    3) I am glad you are taking meds. If I was there I would get mine out and we could have a med party. Cocktail party? Yes please.
    4) I’m thinking of you and love your style of writing.
    5) happy thanksgiving, we don’t have it here so eat turkey for me ok?
    6) I’m thinking of you

    Xxxxxxx

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      @Mammywoo, This comment, made me giggle.
      I needed that.
      Thank you so much.
      And yes, we can have a cocktail party anytime. Your place or mine?
      I can cook crow for dinner.

  2. Sorry you’re feeling the way you are, I’m glad you’re taking meds, I do hope it helps and quickly.

    Happy Thanksgiving!

    PS: I hate crows, mosquitoes and men getting overly excited about sports.

  3. If it will make you feel better to harm a small animal, I am happy to sacrifice my small dog. I like you that much (and he shit in my closet yesterday).

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      @Poppy, Oh no he did-innnnnnnnnnnnnnnnt.
      Did you kick him.
      Don’t answer that.
      I don’t want Sara Mac knocking on your door to “cheer” you up about animal abuse.

  4. Janet Janet

    You can kill the occasional thousand-legger (centipede? that I find in my bathroom in the middle of the night –

    Happy thanksgiving –

    Remember, better anger than more depression (which is anger turned back on yourself…)

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      @Janet, It’s weird though…I go through anger…then intense depression to where I can’t even move…then anger…then….it’s maddening. Really.
      I don’t know what is going on.
      And no, I cannot kill that centipede. I don’t go near anything that has more legs than me 😉

  5. EVERYONE hates crows. They are ugly and loud and they EAT BABY BIRDS. They snatch ’em right out of their nests. Assholes.

    Happy Thanksgiving to you, and I’m glad the Tigers live to see another day so your husband can, you know, man up.

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      @Cheryl @ Mommypants, Ya know, they lost last night…I hope they don’t ruin our facken turkey dinner tonight.

  6. —I cannot watch that video. Too sad. Too much sadness.

    I love crows. Seriously. So shiny & wet W/ black. Am I weird?

    And I love your blogs, Kimberly. Keep Well, Girl. X

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      @My Inner Chick, Ummmm…crows?…weird…but I hate chocolate and peanut butter yet I love reeses’s peanut butter cups so that makes us weirdly even 😉
      Love you to friend.

  7. 1. I f—ing despise those ASPCA commercials. They ruined that song for me. Seriously. 2. I’m proud of you for continuing to take your meds in spite of how you’re feeling, and I’m sorry depression & anxiety are hanging around, making you miserable-I’m leaving to go kick their ass as soon as this comment is posted-chuck norris style. 3. The anger….(sigh) yes. The intense rage that boils like molten lava under your skin and feels like all of hell is housed in your body. The anger that makes you flip out at the slightest thing and you have no idea why. The anger that only needs a crumb to satisfy it’s destructive appetite. I know that anger all too well. I’m sorry it has you in it’s awful grip right now-I’d say I’d kick its ass, but it’s kinda powerful, so I think another approach is needed to slay that beast-how about I dance it away for you? 4. I LOVE YOU. And I’m grateful for you. So happy thanksgiving. Eat your face off for the both of us!

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      @A’Driane, It really sucks that you understand this…but at the same time it makes me feel less alone. I’m hanging onto your hand tightly friend. Let’s kick some ass together.

  8. jen jen

    I HATE crows too! We planted corn once and they just lined up and picked every kernel of corn out of the ground after we planted it; fuc#%ers! I never planted corn again!

    After the kids I would weep at that commercial and that song, it should be banned and not be played around anyone who is prone to depression, the blues or sadness of any type! Seriously horrible song.

    Sorry you’re feeling crappy, I hope it passes soon.
    Happy Thanksgiving, enjoy that wonderful family and eat some turkey.
    Sending hugs and love…

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      @jen, Well, I’ve donned my fat girl panties and leggings so that I can gorge myself in way too much food.
      Food makes me feel better 😉

  9. Three things:

    (1) Truth bared: I didn’t click on the video to see how annoying it is. Sarah Mc annoys me aplenty already, commercials or no commercials. Believe me, I felt your ire all the same.

    (2) All. Crows. Must. Die.

    (3) I’m jealous that you northerners get Thanksgiving already! Don’t get me wrong: I will still eat my face off at every opportunity I get. I just don’t have a solid excuse to hang my hat on like you do.

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      @Sue the Desperate Housemommy, You’ll be more jealous when I tell you that my husband is a half-breed so we get to celebrate your thanksgiving too. Boom

  10. I want youth write a book. Yes, I do.

    Will you? I’ll design the cover. I have ideas for it already. Then I can be one of your groupies on you book tour, and follow you from city to city. I’ll bake cookies, too.

    That’s all. Just wanted to tell you that.

    Hugs.

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      @Leanne (fromchaoscomeshappiness), Oh I love you. This made me smile. Even with the typo. I like to blame my fat fingers for typos…I bet everyone in the blogsphere thinks that I have horrible spelling skills….nope just me and my ipod and terrible autocorrection.

  11. Yeah, my iPad changed my words. That was supposed to be “I want YOU TO write a book.” augh. I should’t be the editor for your book, ok?

  12. Wow, that’s a lot of anger, glad you’re not reading blogs right now, who knows what you will write down as a comment!
    When and if we meet at some time in life, I suggest I visit you because I live in holland and there are way too many cows over here!
    I’m sorry you feel this way, I’m here for you. Feel free to send me emails full of cow hate and crow bashing. Sending you HUGS!!!!

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      @Mirjam, I’m not reading blogs because my comments were snide at times. It’s not the blog writers just me and my head. I hope that everyone understands that.

  13. I totally have days like that. So no worries.

    They found 2 little baby kitties at work that couldn’t have been over 2 weeks old. We had to call animal control. Hopefully someone will foster them back to health. Poor little things

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      @Dazee, Awww…I don’t like cats much…won’t lie. But kittens? They’re cute…but then they turn into cats.

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      @Rach (DonutsMama), Thank you so much Rach. I’m hanging in with all of you awesome Momma’s for support. xox

  14. I do hate that you’re feeling this way. I hope it gets better for you soon.

    Also? I can’t watch the SPCA commercials. They bring me to tears. It’s so sad.

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      @Kimberly, I know, like seriously Sara Mac…I want to know how they make those animals look so depressed. Perhaps I should throw my pills at them…they could use them.

  15. Hi Kimberly. I don’t have bipolar, as far as I know…but I’ve never asked about it or been diagnosed either. However, I can relate to your anger. I get that. I get that a lot more often than I’d like to admit. And depression? That cripples me sometimes. In between, I’m ok. I don’t have any meds other than merlot (trust me…for me that counts) and I certainly am not making light of the seriousness of bipolar. Please know that. I just wanted you to know that I know how that anger feels and how it eats at you. I’m feelin you friend.
    HUGZ

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      @Theresa Sonoda, Oh merlot. I love merlot. And Shiraz. I stopped drinking because I’m on a new med…look at me being all responsible…
      Love you girl and thank you so much for your suppport. And for always making me laugh.

  16. I love you, mama. I am sorry you feel so shitty. But it will pass. Right? Cause it has to. Scream, shout, throw things at the boards. Whatever it takes. Do it. XOX and I am here if you need me!

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      @Andrea, Thank you Andrea. I’m going to start off by killing that crow…and the neighborhood cat that is using my garden as a litter box.
      Kidding. I wouldn’t kill animals.
      Thanks for being a great support to me.

  17. Go ahead and be mad. I’m feeling pretty pissed off these days myself.

    Of course I know you’d rather not be feeling that way. But since you are, I say don’t worry about it. Kill that crow if you have to.

    Always here to enable you, babe. xo

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      @Robin @ Farewell, Stranger, The anger is so intense Robin…like whoa…I can’t control it. There is so much going on inside of me all at once at times and I have no outlet. There are urges to resort to bad habits of cutting…fuck…this really sucks. I really wish that it wasn’t a holiday.

  18. You are the window for the rest of us to try & understand Bipolar. Your words help us understand how this illness impacts you on a day to day basis. Wish I could open that window & shush Bipolar out your door!

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      @Karyn Climans, I so wish that you could do that for me. I never looked at my writing like that before. I really do hope that it helps not only the ones affected by it, but the ones who have to support us.

  19. Love you for expressing this. For letting us in, for being straight up, and descriptive, and snarky and real. Thinking of you, and as always, sending peace and endurance in the midst of this hurricane going on inside.

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      @Frelle, Your friendship means the world to me Jenna. Really. Xoxo

  20. Some days I tear all the pencil erasers off and use straight pins to turn them into ninja stars and just fling them at shit. But this is also probably half the reason I have a police record. I don’t recommend it.

    This sorta mixed moods are tough, is it all chemical, is it all memory or neurosis, is it some of both? Like riding a horse that’s taken of with you clinging to it’s back, don’t try to steer it or make it stop, just hang on for dear life until it stops on it’s own. I know that’s easier said than done, but it’s the only thing I know to do when I’m doing everything I’m supposed to do and these times happen anyway.

    Thinking of you Lady L.

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      @Chrissy, Ummm this was probably the funniest comment ever. I needed this laugh big time.
      I think I’m going to stop looking on google for a while and let the new medicine kick in. This is such a tricky illness isn’t it?

  21. I feel ya, sister. Happy Thanksgiving—and whenever those ASPCA commercials come on? I have to change the channel or I’ll start crying, despite all the meds I’m on.

    And I hate dealing w/ raw birds/turkeys. Yes, they are delish when all cooked/done, but it totally skeeves me out to touch/prepare the raw thing. ewwwww.

    and my husband is being a vagina, too. he is golfing today.

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      @erin margolin, What is with men and being vagina like about sports? Don’t get it.
      And yes, I hate birds of all varieties…dead…not dead. They’re gross.

  22. jess jess

    Ha! Canadian thanksgiving makes me all kinds of jealous and longing for ours. Becausei like to nom down some food like it’s my job. Happy Thanksgiving, friend.

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      @jess, I will get my grub on in the Name of AMerica…don’t you worry. I’m wearing leggings and my fat panties just for the event.

  23. Sorry its not a Happy day. Even if you are not feeling happy I do know that you are feeling thankful. Thankful for your {vagina of a} husband and that handsome Chunky of yours. You are thankful for the pills that help you through the rough days. You are thankful for ME!!! hehe. I am Thankful for you!! Even if its not my Thanksgiving yet, I’ll still be Thankful for you when it gets here next month! xoxo

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      @mimzy Wimzy,I’ll be thankful too because my vagina…I mean husband is a half breed so we celebrate yours too. Boom.
      xoxo

  24. Leighann Leighann

    Know why I love you?
    Cause all of the anger I have bubbling under the surface, you just laid out!
    You rock and I would totally climb that tree with you-but if your crows are anything like mine I’m
    A little frightened they might eat me.

  25. Even when you’re pissed off and cranky, you make me laugh. I love your perspective.

  26. I hope you had a fabulous Turkey Day!

    Crows are just flying black rats. Husbands who get overly excited over sports, well they are just NUTS. And both of those things drive me crazy!

    I hope you start feeling better soon sweets! ((HUGS))

  27. I am NOT clicking on that link. I have enough trouble with Tim Horton’s commercials. Happy Thanksgiving, my beautiful, beautiful friend.

  28. That video makes me stabby. The music, the pictures… ugh. I feel bad but I also don’t like being guilt tripped.

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