It’s amazing what you can hear at night when the house is fast asleep. The creaks, the cracks, and the little murmurs from a tiny body struck with a flu bug.
I can hear the trees bend and twist against the wind’s ferocious strength and there is a heavy branch from our evergreen that’s been repeatedly whipped against my bedroom window.
Bang.
Bang.
Bang.
The wind chimes hanging over windows, summer’s last remnants in our yard, have been chime chime chiming and then there is the husband who is blowing the national anthem through his nostrils for his 200th encore performance.
And I can’t figure out why I can’t sleep.
Then there are tons of thoughts swarming through my mind.
The thoughts are like pages that have been ripped out of a novel and thrown into a giant fishbowl.
Sentences, paragraphs, words, all crammed into one space.
I’ll spend several minutes leafing through all of them to find a certain page; a thought.Â
And then sometimes, in the middle of searching, I’ll forget what page I was even looking for.
I have no idea what is happening to me. I’m angry. I’m depressed. I’m anxious. I’m so tense inside I feel like I could explode. And then there is this inexplicablly weird energy despite the fact I’ve only slept a total of 8 hours in 48 hours.
My house smells like puke and Chunky’s unmerciful farts.
And my legs are god damned hairy.
I’m slowly losing my marbles.
I wish I had answers for you but I don’t and I wish I could reach thru this screen and hug you but I can’t. All that I can do is tell you that I care and that it will get better, you’re strong, you’re a survivor and you’ll kick this things ass!
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Love you.
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Kimberly Reply:
October 17th, 2011 at 9:42 am
@Robin @ Farewell, Stranger, Back attcha
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(((hugs)))
You’re a rockstar in my eyes.
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Kimberly Reply:
October 17th, 2011 at 9:42 am
@Valerie, Love you Val!1
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If I could go over and hug your face off, I would. Hang on in there. xo
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Kimberly Reply:
October 17th, 2011 at 9:42 am
@Alison@Mama Wants This, How much is it to fly to Canada?
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god, so are my legs. It’s just not worth shaving them when I don’t wear capris everyday anymore.
Listening to someone blowing their nose would drive me soooooo freaking nutsoide. I’m with you sister
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Kimberly Reply:
October 17th, 2011 at 9:41 am
@Dazee, I love you Dazee. I can’t remember the last time I shave them. Seriously
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I wish I had some way to help you or some answers for you – but I don’t. I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way and also sorry that Chunky has the flu. Poor kid. Poor mama. But hairy legs are not too bad, babe. xoxoxo
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Kimberly Reply:
October 17th, 2011 at 9:41 am
@Nicole, Hairy legs aren’t bad at all…only if you keep wearing pants
CHunky is feeling so much better now
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I too have been sleeping like shit. Call me and we can compare notes no?
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Kimberly Reply:
October 17th, 2011 at 9:36 am
@Mrs. Tuna, They’d be some weird ass notes let me tell you. But I’m game
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Sleep and I haven’t been friends lately either. I hope he’s feeling better soon and you’re able to get some rest. {{Hugs}}
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Kimberly Reply:
October 17th, 2011 at 9:35 am
@Kimberly, CHunky is feeling so much better. Thank you.
Yea, sleep is a beeyotch. Tweet me if you’re ever up at 3…seriously. It’ll be better than staring at the ceiling and listening to my husband toot his nasal horns.
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i’m with you on the sleep thing, i have to take ambien and even that doesn’t do the trick most nights, nothing really seems to help. i just shaved my legs the other day and i swear to god, it took about a half hour because the hair was so long and the only reason i did it is because i was at the beach the other day and too embarassed to roll my jeans up and put my toes in the water. i spelled embarassed wrong but my my spell checker doesn’t work here. anyway, i hope you and the little guy are feeling better soon.
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Kimberly Reply:
October 17th, 2011 at 9:33 am
@katery, Oh my hilariousness…
My legs are so darn hairy. Thing is I can’t bend over to shave them either….but even if I could I don’t care.
Chunky is feeling much better now!
I wish that I was just as resilient!
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I feel like I’m reading something that I should have written… I, too have been feeling/behaving like this.
{{hugs}} for you… I hope you feel better soon….
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Kimberly Reply:
October 17th, 2011 at 9:30 am
@Lindsay, I hope that you feel better soon too. It’s an awful state to be in. Sending you giant (hugs)
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Sleep has not come easily for me too, these days – I am going through another marvelous “hormonal event”, and this kind of thing always affects my emotions/mind -
I saw two old friends yesterday, and it was very intense, and I am the type who has to process things to the hilt (emotionally), so my mind was racing with thoughts of our meeting at 5 AM this morning. I can’t seem to sleep past 5:30 or so, because of this racing-mind thing. The Eastern religions call it the “monkey mind” – maybe you can call it the “Chunky-mind”, because Chunky is sick, and you are preoccupied with thoughts of him.
What has worked for me (with this) is to not cave to the thoughts (I know I’m making it sound easy when it’s not), but to lie on your back and do deep breathing from the abdomen. Once you start picking and choosing thoughts to analyze, it’s all over. Maybe you could also put headphones on and music that relaxes you so you don’t hear your husband’s snoring.
I hope this doesn’t come across as New Age nonsense -it really works for me (almost always) –
I also have been having periods of what I call “hyper-emotionalism”, and it’s scary, but I keep telling myself it will pass, since it always does.
Please know I can relate! I hope you and Chunky feel better very soon!
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Kimberly Reply:
October 17th, 2011 at 9:29 am
@Janet, No it makes perfect sense. I have some meditation CD’s (I know…how 1990 of me) but I feel so restless. Like sitting here right now, I want to fly out of my skin. It’s very uncomfortable.
I threw my back out on Friday taking care of CHunky and I ended up taking my pain med cocktail with my head med cocktail and I ended up sleeping for 18 hours.
With this body I can’t win. It’s always something. frackles.
At least Chunky is feeling better.
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My husband is a chronic non sleeper although he takes meds to help now. So difficult to cope with no sleep because it makes all problems seem overwhelming. What did your doctor say about the lack of sleep?
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Kimberly Reply:
October 17th, 2011 at 9:26 am
@Karyn Climans, I’m on some other medications now. Are they working? Sort of. I threw my back out on Friday taking care of Chunky when he was sick and I started taking my usual cocktail of pain meds too. It actually put me in a slight coma for ooooohhhhh 18 hours.
My liver is not going to like this one bit.
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I hate that you have a hurricane waging inside of you and it keeps you awake.
I can understand the anxiety, that keeps me up too. It blows.
My child is also sick and her coughing and choking keeps me up while her father grinds his teeth in his sleep.
Annoying.
Let’s go on vacation.
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Kimberly Reply:
October 17th, 2011 at 9:24 am
@Leighann, Jebus…do you know how much I needed this comment?
I so need a vacation. One that preferrably involves lots of sun and margaritas…and the occasional mullet…ya know just for kicks
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Oh man, do I ever get this! Hang in there, Mama! Much love to you!
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Kimberly Reply:
October 17th, 2011 at 9:22 am
@Galit Breen, It sucks so much. Not going to lie.
I tell people to hang in when they’re depressed and I forget what it’s like…such a deep dark pit of despair. I know I’ll get better. Just have to keep trucking.
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I hope you are able to get some sleep. And some candles to get the funk smell out of the house.
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Kimberly Reply:
October 17th, 2011 at 9:21 am
@Jessica, I took my pain medication and my anti-psychotic medication and my anti-anxiety medication all at once and surprisingly I slept for 18 hours.
Who knew?
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I have to say this: you know how to write woman!
I’m amazed at the fact that you can feel that way and be able to discribe it as perfectly as you just did. One thing is for sure: you are not losing your mind! Hang in there sweetie! XOXO
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Kimberly Reply:
October 17th, 2011 at 9:18 am
@Mirjam, Know how long it took me to write that? I was supposed to allow myself only 5 minutes but got distracted a kajillion times. Oy…..
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I’m sorry you feel this way. I hate those nights when I remember all the things I should have done, but I didn’t or I should have done them another way. But at daylight everything looks different. Hang in there girl, you can get out of this. I’m sending you hugs. xoxo
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Kimberly Reply:
October 17th, 2011 at 9:17 am
@Mommy’s Paradise, Thing is my night runs into my day. The thoughts never stop.
I do keep hope in each new day though. I have to.
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I’ve got some marbles. Happy to send your way!!
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I’ve got your back. We may be going thru the same shit but we can still hold each other up.
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Hope this passes relatively quickly. Call the doc if it gets worse! Sorry you’re still feeling crappy.
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i remember those nights so clearly. it’s awful. i hope you can take something additional to help settle your mind if this continues. hugs, my friend.
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