I stood in the kitchen with my eyes straining to stare out into the bright winter landscape. It looked like a blistery day with winds whipping through bare tree branches and dusting the lightly fallen snow across the lawn. I shuddered and wrapped both hands around my warm tea cup tightly.
The furnace kicked on and I put both feet over the vent. I let the hot air blow up my legs a la Marilyn Monroe style, only I was wearing tacky PJ’s and the only lipstick I was wearing was last night’s drool.
Yes, I always wake up looking that dead sexy.
Just then the phone began to ring and my insides churned.
It was the 5th call this morning and it was only 8 am.
Ring, ring, ring!
I took in large deep breaths and closed my eyes.
2011 didn’t leave us without kicking and clawing its way out first.
There were a lot of family issues that arose and we were caught in the middle of a nasty battle between 2 friends going through a separation.
Our phone has been ringing off the hook and our home has been a revolving door; a refuge for others.
I’m glad that we could help be there for everyone. We’d do anything for the ones we love, but everything happened all at once.
It was like being stuck dead center in the eye of a hurricane.
I’d be lying if I said that my insides weren’t wound up tighter than a rubber band on some days and that our holiday celebration was greatly overshadowed by chaos.
Tears.
Yelling.
Worrying.
Shawn kept assuring me that things would blow over in a few days.
“Babe, would you expect anything less on this last week of 2011?” he joked.
By New Year’s Eve, the family feud was mostly resolved.
But on New Year’s Day my dear friend unexpectedly lost her Uncle and another lost their Grandma.
I almost feel guilty for trying to move forward and celebrate letting a shit year go and ushering in a brand new start.
My heart breaks terribly for them.
Ring, ring, ring!
Ring, ring, ring!
I took in a cleansing breath and opened my eyes.
I checked the caller I.D and it was my parents.
I clenched my teeth and walked over to the phone. I extended my arm to answer it when I heard the bubbly laughter coming from the living room.
I turned towards the happy banter and could see my boys laying on the floor shooting themselves with dinky cars.
That’s what boys do right?
I decided to walk away from the phone and all the chaos to join my tiny family.
And to breathe.
We spent the morning together in our brightly lit living room dodging dinky cars and giggling till our sides hurt.
We ignored phones.
There was no Twitter.
There was no checking our Facebook to get caught up in the drama of the day.
When Chunky got up to leave the room, Shawn said,
“Let’s get out of here. We can go to the movies.”
And without hesitation we got dressed and left.
Just us.
It’s what we needed.
*I hope that this doesn’t come off as being selfish. We would do anything for the ones we hold dear to our hearts. ANYTHING. But we needed to go.
**I am still asking that you keep my dear friends in your thoughts and prayers as they lay their loved ones to rest today.
Project Alicia, Five Minutes For Mom, Dear Chrissy, Angry Julie Monday
Oh, yes Kim, that’s what you have to do sometimes, be unavailable for the rest of the world and do something for you. It’s not selfish, it’s just taking care of yourself. And later you have the power back to be there for your friends and family. I hope all will be good again. Happy New Year.
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I agree with Karin, sometimes you have to step away. You can be there for others more if you take that step back. Breathe and then step forward again.
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Not selfish at all. Beautiful and all so very right!
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you have to take care of yourselves before you can take care of others…and it sounds like you have been doing quite a bit of that lately. Sometimes you just have to get away and forget about everything else for awhile.
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It’s not selfish. You have to take care of yourself first, or you’re no good to the ones you love. That’s just how it works. So glad you took the chance to breathe and have a little peace.
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I do not get embroiled in other’s lives for this very reason. I’ve tried to help in the past, only to have my advice ignored. Fool me once, as they say.
So glad you chose to spend the day with your guys instead. Love the photos, Kim. Heartwarming, really.
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We do the same thing.
Okay I do.
That’s why we have caller ID.
Okay that’s why “I” have caller ID.
It’s for those times when I need to be with my family and relax.
For those times that I don’t want to hear someone else’s drama.
For the times that I need to be in my own space with my own thoughts.
And it’s ok.
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As someone who’s been through postpartum illness and has known what it feels like to be overjoyed to say goodbye to a stressful year, I will tell you that not only is it NOT selfish to make the decision you did – it’s your responsibility to make that decision and back off for awhile – or for as long as you need – because you need to take the very best care of yourself, and keep yourself intact – hopefully, more than intact.
I have been told I’m a very good listener, and so I know what it is like to be inundated with the drama of others. It’s hard to back away, because you care about them so much. But those two lovable guys playing together on the floor (great photo) need you, too. And you need yourself, most of all!
And five phone calls before 8 AM is brutal.
People who are going through painful times can be very self-involved, although they don’t mean to be – and they need to think of you and your family, and what you’ve all been through, before they stress you out with their problems. This doesn’t mean you can’t help them – but only when YOU decide that you have the reserves.
This is so long because I can relate so very much to it, and it is a “button-pusher” for me! (The issue of caring about the people in our lives, but needing to take care of ourselves.)
I will keep praying for your friends who are going through grief and loss right now.
xoxox
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I get exactly how you feel. From September 2011 to Dec 2011, we have lost so many cousins and aunts and uncles, it has been devastating, especially the ones that went without any warning signs at all. So scary that now, when the landline phone rings, we are afraid it might be more sobbing at the other end and more bad news. We’ve begun to stick together more and have made it a point to get out for a walk together, just the three of us (I have one son), if only to the terrace at the top of our building. We enjoy the sunset, chat about the day, crack jokes and generally feel good. The thing is, this is not going to stop anything from happening, but at least we feel a little more secure because we are together. I am proud that my 14-year old still follows his “computer days”, which is twice a week unless there’s school work to research.
I think you did a wonderful thing by being together and going out later. We can’t rewind life, sadly. My prayers continue to be with your friends. May she be strong enough to cherish the good moments and come to terms with her loss.
Love to you, Kimberly! Enjoy Chunky’s childhood. It is precious!
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Selfish?? NO it is not. It is necessary. So glad you did. xo
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You did it right. Sometimes you have to step away from the drama and give yourself a break from it all. I say GOOD FOR YOU! Because at times like that, the drama will still be there when you return, but having a few hours away from it does the body and mind good
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I’m sorry things have been so hard. I think you did the best thing for your family, which is spend time with each other! I hope things get better and I’ll say a prayer for your family and friends.
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Don’t feel guilty! One of the best things you can do is take care of yoursel, your man, and adorable Chunky first and foremost!
I’m sorry for your friends’ losses. Seems like a lot of losses happening lately. Sad.
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While there may be many miles between us, we are living parallel lives right now. Good friends of ours (and NEXT DOOR neighbors for the last 11 years) are going through a divorce right now that has my husband and I being pulled into the middle of many heated moments.This is a position I do NOT like, and I have found myself walking away from them phone so many times the past few weeks. We must take care of ourselves, my friend, and that does NOT make us selfish. Nurture the souls in life that truly need you. Thinking of you, always, and will continue to pray for your friends and their loved ones. Hugs, to you,
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Going to the movies was the BEST thing you guys could have done. Remember, self-care is crucial!!! You can’t be there for your friends and family if you’re burnt out.
Keeping your friends in my thoughts today.
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Everyone needs their own time in order to have the strength to hold the others up. I’m glad you took the time you needed. It sounds like it was a lovely (and much deserved) day.
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Oh. death.
So far away and so unreachable.
And so permanent.
You know how sad I’ve been about losing my neighbor.
She would’ve been 46 Dec 3. She passed away Nov 25, after only being diagnosed in August with lymphoma. She had two daughters, 11 and 14.
She’d tap her horn every time she passed my home, letting me know I wasn’t alone in this crazy business of living in the suburban cul de sacs.
I am just so sad that I haven’t heard a horn beep in the middle of my day for a month now…
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Selfish? Hell, no. It’s what you & your family needed to do. End of story
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Mama…that’s not selfish at all. Trust me. I did the same thing last night. Took time for me and the boys. And it was glorious. And refreshing. And important.
So glad you had these moments today.
Pained to hear about all the chaos going on and the loss experienced by your loved ones & friends. My prayers are with them…and with you. Love you much.
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It’s not selfish at all. You need to do some self care. You cannot keep giving and giving of yourself until there’s nothing left to give. So happy that you got this time to just be.
Sending my thoughts and prayers with you, your family & your friends.
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Not selfish at all. You need that time to refresh.
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sounds more like self-preservation… over from PYHO
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NO you were not being selfish at all, sweet lady! Chunky and hubs need you, too. They are your priority and you are so right to want to protect the good stuff. I’m proud of you. I continue to pray for your friends and I pray also for you and your beautiful little family. Kicking 2012 butt. That’s our mission!
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That’s not selfish. We all need to STOP the world every once in a while. Otherwise we’d all lose our minds.
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Not selfish at all. I think we’ve all done that some time or another. My mom is a drama queen. One day, she called at least 5 times. I told my husband, do not answer the phone if she calls again.
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I’m proud of you, sweet girl.
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Not selfish at all. You need time for yourself and your family. Being able to stop the world sometimes is exactly what we need to recharge and refuel.
xoxo
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~~~Kimberly,
Your honesty & magnificent writing blow me away. I sooo appreciate your words.
Love Love Love.
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I don’t think it’s selfish at all. We all need time to ourselves and with our loved ones. It looks like the boys were having a great time. Your family and friends will be in my thoughts.
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It’s not selfish at all. You need to take care of yourselves too – and sometimes that means taking a break!
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Never ever feel guilty about walking away. Sometimes you have to do it just to retain yourself. Good on ya for going to the movies as a family.
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SO not selfish! You need to take care of yourself before you can take care of other people. That’s always been SO hard for me to do, but every time I do it I’m always so thankful.
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How is 2012 treating you?
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Love that you did that. I think it is just what you needed and the dinky car derby happened at just the right moment.
Prayers for you, your friend, and your family!
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not selfish
not easy
not done nearly enough
Just sayin’
xo
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and sometimes you just hafta do that. I did that yesterday. No phone calls, no twitter, no facebook. It was healing. Will probably do that again after monkey wakes up.
Toddler laughs? I think are the best medicine for ones soul.
Hugs and love my friend. Here is to an awesome new year!
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Taking a timeout with your family is never selfish. Glad you were able to seize the moment.
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Good for you… Sometimes you’ve got to look after yourself to be able to look out for others… And I bet your little man was glad of all the attention lavished on him!! X
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I think it’s wonderful that we “unplugged” ! I think we all get so wrapped up in gadgets and media at our finger tips that it’s hard to live in the moment. Kudos to you. Happy New Year.
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Sometimes stepping away from extended relationships and just focusing on the ones absolutely closest to you is the only thing you can do. It’s not selfish; it’s strengthening what is most important in your lives.
Prayers and thoughts for your friends who lost family members.
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I’m so sorry to hear about your friends and their families. I do agree with many of the other commenters too, sometimes you have to just focus on your own family; they do deserve that!
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Pht. Not even a little bit selfish. You have to treasure your family. My husband and I always say it’s us against the world. And we have to remind ourselves of it when things start pushing in.
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Kimberly Reply:
January 8th, 2012 at 11:02 am
@Anastasia, It’s just so hard to take time away from people when they’re struggling ya know? It makes me feel guilty. But I know that it’s also neccessary to take care of me.
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Selfish? That’s so not you!
I even think you should do this more often, because you need to take care of yourself first, all else comes after that.
I’m glad you had that little moment to yourselves.
xx
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Kimberly Reply:
January 8th, 2012 at 10:59 am
@Mirjam, I know. It’s so hard though when the people you love are struggling and need my support and love. It’s just that everyone had issues all at once. That wore me very thin.
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