Shawn: What’s the matter babe?
Me: Nothing.
Shawn: Something is wrong. What is it?
Me: Nothing.
Shawn: You’re lying.
Me: Ugh. I’m just tired.
Shawn: Well you have ha…..
Me: I’m on my period for the 2323th day. I can feel my ovaries. Do you know what ovaries feel like when you’re bleeding?Â
Shawn: Wha…..
Me: They feel like ovaries only with angry little trolls living inside them.
Shawn: Trolls?
Me: Shut up. Don’t ask questions. And my ass is raw.
Shawn: Fro…
Me: Diarrhea Shawn. Knock, knock…who’s there? It’s your fucking gallbladder and I’m here to tell your bowels that I don’t like it when you eat raw cookie dough.
Shawn: Well you shouldn’t ea…
Me: Shut up. I hate my gallbladder.
Shawn: I know you d…
Me: I hate that I can’t eat meat.
Shawn: I have some mea…
Me: Shut up. I can’t eat ice cream and chips and drink wine which is very vital to YOUR survival during my cycle.
Shawn: My survival?
Me: Yes. Yours. I’m sick.
Shawn: Yes but you will…
Me: I’m tired of getting poked and prodded. My hands are swollen from IV pokes. I feel like every time I look in the mirror, I’m transported into one of those ”Feed The Children” commercials and Sarah McLaughlin pops out from out of the shower and sings that fucking song that makes everyone want to kill themselves…with a spoon.
Shawn: Arms Of An Angel? Yea that is a pretty sa…
Me: And my throat still hurts from the gastroscopy that I had. I now know what Debbie Does Dallas feels like. And it sucks. Do you know how long that tube was?
Shawn: Well they sedated yo…
Me: It doesn’t matter what they gave me. He shoved a tube down my throat and looked into my soul.
Shawn: I know it sucked but at least he didn’t find any ulcers…
Me: We know it’s not an ulcer. We. KNOW. It’s my fucking gallbladder. Take it out already. And. AND, Chunky thought that it was funny to Velcro his stuffed animals to my back brace today.
Shawn:….
Me: Well, there you have it. Aren’t you going to say something?!
Shawn: Freeeeeak.
Me:….
Shawn:Â Want me to massage the trolls in your belly?
Me:…
Shawn: I should probably go lay in the basement for a while eh?
*I was lucky enough to have a friend that has a friend that works for a GI specialist. He read my reports and wanted to treat me. Unlike my other fellow Canadians who wait months to get into see him, I got in last Monday. It’s all about who you know.
He was super nice and listened to my bitching…which was censored of course. I had a gastroscopy last week to rule out any ulcers and celiac disease. I see him again this week for the results and the next step towards getting this gallbladder tumor aborted.
My menstral cycle?
The diarrhea?
That was just for your added enjoyment.
You’re welcome.
I’m glad you’re seeing someone NOW about that pesky tumour. I hope he does something about it soon. I hate that you’re suffering
(your convos with Shawn are so funny, regardless of the subject)
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Thank you so much for the added enjoyment
I pity Shawn..just a little..xoxo
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Oh no, you poor thing! I’m so glad that you were able to get in to see someone!
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Yo! You worried the diarrhea out of me! But seriously, I want to give you an hug! It is not fun to be sick and have to go to the doc. Gastroscopy. Hugs. Don’t want you to hurt or suffer. Just want you to be well, hugs. Well, now that I’ve smothered you, let me get back on my broom and be …. offf! (my head, probably!)
P.S.:I am very sorry to laugh about the sticking-stuffed-animals-on-your-back-brace – but my son did exactly the same thing with my Mom. I know how that feels.
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Fuck! That’s all I got, I’m sorry…
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yowch. Hope you feel better….but love that conversation
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Hope they get to the bottom of the problems soon!
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I’m so glad you had connections so you could get in right away! Hoping for good results on this!
I’m with you about Arms of an Angel. That’s a horribly depressing song!
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Great news about seeing the new doctor!
I remember the trolls living inside my ovaries – so glad they have moved out, even if it means they have taken my youth with them (“Arms of an Angel” in the background for poignant effect…)
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“I have some mea…” *snicker* Leave it to Shawn. I’m convinced he and my Hubs are related.
I’m very glad you got in early. But really with all the rule out tests? Because the glaring gall bladder tumor isn’t enough evidence to move forward?! Well, at least you get in this week to move forward.
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You have the patience of a saint waiting so long for all of these tests and diagnosis;that is a saint with a crappy gallbladder and her period of course!
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::::SIGH::::
1. Ovaries can HURT like hell.
2. Life can Suck.
3. Men are Idiots.
4. You Are Awesome.
Xx
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Only you could make getting a tube down your throat seem funny, darling. I hope you get that damn gallbladder out SOON.
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woah… that was a lot of info LOL
I’m so glad you got in to see someone!
Also?
Nepotism is completely acceptable as far as healthcare is concerned.
Go girl.. get yourself better!
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You amaze me with your ability to turn your woes into humor that makes me bust out laughing.
And I talked about Sarah and that frickin’ commercial today too. Ruins my whole damn day every.single.time!
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I personally enjoy the period and di-di chatter.
And the back brace velcro thing. That too!
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ugh, i’m sorry you’re still feeling crappy, that SUCKS donkey balls.
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I don’t know how you can take something like this and actually make it funny, but I’m glad that you are still being your sassy, funny self. And HOORAY for the new doctor!!! What a relief. Hope he gets you healthy soon.
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Sending you huge hugs. I hate the raw rear. Whenever my colitis flares up I can barely sit. Hoping you can get that gallbladder out soon
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Oh, my dear, how do you always take something serious and make it hilarious? I’ve never had that talent. But you certainly do. I hope the doctor helps you once and for all!
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One of these days, I’m going to learn how to transport my body, so I can just hang out and listen to you and your husbands little talks. so, if by chance, you wake up one night, and look over at the rocking chair (you have a rocking chair, right, because if no, you totally need to get one for your room), and I’m there, don’t be freaked out. Just go with the flow. Haha, I said flow and you’re talking about your period. I’m cracking myself up.
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Oh no! I hope you get it all figured out SOON, and can stop feeling so bad.
And um….that “I’ve got meat” is totally something my husband would say. Actually, he’d say “I’ve got an injection for that”. Yeah.
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Oh girl, I am so sorry you’re going through this. I’m glad you were able to get in with the specialist sooner, but I hate that you’re dealing with all of this.
Also? I have no idea how you turn something like this into humor. You’re awesome.
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So I totally envisioned you walking around the house with 20 stuffed animals stuck to your back.
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Gall bladders, menstrual cycles and poop = pure entertaining.
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I know what you mean about the tube down your throat. I’ve had two macrolanyngoscopys and my throat/chest/everything felt like I was swalling razor blades for days. :-/
I hope you get better. Your period is a beast, man.
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I’m so sorry. This just sounds miserable. But funny, too, because you wrote it.
Hugs. I hope you feel better soon!
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He he, you always crack me up with your writing. But I’m really happy that you got to see someone to rule out a couple of things and soon you’ll get rid of that gallbladder part that’s troubling you.
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Oh you poor thing, I’m so sorry. Glad you got into see a doctor though.
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Kimberly Reply:
January 29th, 2012 at 10:14 am
@Jessica, I get the biopsy results on Monday and we go from there. Thank the lord. I’m ready to kill someone for a hamburger.
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YAY! I’m so glad for the doctor visit! That’s good. I hope they take care of you and get you eating all the horrible crap I talk about ASAP!
xoxo
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Kimberly Reply:
January 29th, 2012 at 10:07 am
@Jess, I see him on Monday for the biopsy results and we go from there. I’ve never been this excited for an impending surgery ever.
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interesting coversation..love ur blog and following it in google..would love to read your updates..
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Kimberly Reply:
January 29th, 2012 at 10:02 am
@Euroangel, Welcome to the chaos
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That’s what I love about you – always keepin’ it real.
So glad you’re getting somewhere. At least sort of.
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So….Sorry but I think you’re kid has a great sense of humor. I would velcro stuff to your back brace. While you were wearing it off course.
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[...] husband and her son Chunky, is brutally honest about her battle with postpartum depression and her stupid gallblader. The beautiful and awesome Kimberly of All Work and No Play Makes Mommy Go Something Something (she [...]