Shawn: What’s the matter babe?
Shawn: Something is wrong. What is it?
Shawn: You’re lying.
Me: Ugh. I’m just tired.
Shawn: Well you have ha…..
Me: I’m on my period for the 2323th day. I can feel my ovaries. Do you know what ovaries feel like when you’re bleeding?
Me: They feel like ovaries only with angry little trolls living inside them.
Me: Shut up. Don’t ask questions. And my ass is raw.
Me: Diarrhea Shawn. Knock, knock…who’s there? It’s your fucking gallbladder and I’m here to tell your bowels that I don’t like it when you eat raw cookie dough.
Shawn: Well you shouldn’t ea…
Me: Shut up. I hate my gallbladder.
Shawn: I know you d…
Me: I hate that I can’t eat meat.
Shawn: I have some mea…
Me: Shut up. I can’t eat ice cream and chips and drink wine which is very vital to YOUR survival during my cycle.
Shawn: My survival?
Me: Yes. Yours. I’m sick.
Shawn: Yes but you will…
Me: I’m tired of getting poked and prodded. My hands are swollen from IV pokes. I feel like every time I look in the mirror, I’m transported into one of those ”Feed The Children” commercials and Sarah McLaughlin pops out from out of the shower and sings that fucking song that makes everyone want to kill themselves…with a spoon.
Shawn: Arms Of An Angel? Yea that is a pretty sa…
Me: And my throat still hurts from the gastroscopy that I had. I now know what Debbie Does Dallas feels like. And it sucks. Do you know how long that tube was?
Shawn: Well they sedated yo…
Me: It doesn’t matter what they gave me. He shoved a tube down my throat and looked into my soul.
Shawn: I know it sucked but at least he didn’t find any ulcers…
Me: We know it’s not an ulcer. We. KNOW. It’s my fucking gallbladder. Take it out already. And. AND, Chunky thought that it was funny to Velcro his stuffed animals to my back brace today.
Me: Well, there you have it. Aren’t you going to say something?!
Shawn: Want me to massage the trolls in your belly?
Shawn: I should probably go lay in the basement for a while eh?
*I was lucky enough to have a friend that has a friend that works for a GI specialist. He read my reports and wanted to treat me. Unlike my other fellow Canadians who wait months to get into see him, I got in last Monday. It’s all about who you know.
He was super nice and listened to my bitching…which was censored of course. I had a gastroscopy last week to rule out any ulcers and celiac disease. I see him again this week for the results and the next step towards getting this gallbladder tumor aborted.
My menstral cycle?
That was just for your added enjoyment.