I remember standing in front of the stove, my mind lost somewhere in between extreme anger and anxiety, as the glass baby bottles sterilized in a pot of boiling water.
Then it hit me.
The water splashed on my arms and parts of my thighs, scalding my skin.
Instead of jumping out of harms way, I moved in closer.
For the first time in months I felt relief.
To this day, I wish that I hadn’t unearthed this realization that physical pain released the emotional pain.
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Alison from Mama Wants This and Ado from the Momalog are hosting a 1st Blogoversary Blog Bash. They asked readers to link up their favourite post and in turn you are entered to win a prize.
I chose this one (Before you click the link please note that it contains graphic material that may be triggering to those who are currently suffering with a mental illness.)
This is probably one of my most darkest posts.
I didn’t link this up for a prize to be honest.
I just want people to understand self harm.
I’m not a freak.
It’s not for attention.
I’m just looking for relief.
If you choose not to read it, that is cool.
I’ll leave you with this funny instead (Thanks Nathalie from ArcanaDea for emailing this to me).
So much love to you today, my dear friend. xo
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I’m choosing not to read it as I think I’m in the wrong place but please know, while I have not engaged in self-harm, I can see the pull and the release.
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Off to read. I admire your honesty. xo
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I would have done the same. In fact I do. I do it
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That picture about being surrounded by assholes? One of my favorites. I keep it on my computer.
I remember reading this post the first time. It’s raw, painful, hurting and yet still written in that amazing way you have with your words.
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I know someone else who self-harms and I’ve never understood the behaviour before. Thanks for sharing your feelings.
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I don’t know that I’ve ever seen the “surrounded by assholes” poster before. Classic!
First-time visitor here from Cleveland. Saw a comment you made on Momma Kiss’ blog and decided to click-through.
For many, it’s difficult to understand the self-harm theory. Depression itself is difficult to comprehend too.
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Very powerful. I wish I couldn’t relate, but I do.
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Kimberly Reply:
April 4th, 2012 at 8:02 pm
@hollow tree ventures, I am so sorry friend. So so so sorry. xoxo
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