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Secret Mommy-hood Confession Saturday

I could never home school my son. Nope. Never.


Me: How about we sing our ABC’s?

Chunky: I don’t like that song.

Me: Oh but it’s so much fun! We can sing it together!

Chunky: You can sing it if you want.

Me: No let’s do it together. Learning is fun!

Chunky: I don’t wanna learn! My toys are fun. You wanna play army dudes?

Me: If you sing the ABC’s, I’ll play army dudes.

Chunky: Alllllriiiight….

….Hey Mom, I’ve got an itchy butt! That’s funny! Itchy butt! Daddy has a big butt.

Me: Ugh, you’re gross. Let’s sing this again.

Chunky: Alllriiiight

Me: Whoa. Wait. That’s L M N O P

Chunky: You said PEE! HAHAHA! Pee pee. Pee pee. Poop. I poop in the toilet. It falls out of my bum.

Me: Chunky, come on. Just sing the song and we can play. How about you start at the letter P

Chunky: OooOOOooo. You said it. You said pee. Champ pees in the yard.

Me: Yes, Champ pees in the yard.

Chunky: He poops there too. He can’t poop and pee in the toilet.

Me: You can’t pee in the toilet either.

Chunky: Yes. I. CAN! I pee in the toilet.

Me: Well then how come I sit in your pee on the toilet seat?

Chunky: Daddy did it.

Me: Can we just finish the song?

Chunky: Allriiight

Me: Good try but it is Q R S T U V….

Chunky: I really don’t like this song Momma.

Me: I know you don’t, but you’re doing a really good job! You can finish it!

Chunky: Alllriiiight

Me: That was a really good try, but the end goes V W X Y and Z. How about we sing it together now?

Chunky: Allriiiight.


Chunky: Good job Momma! You’re pretty good at that song. I’m happy about you. Let’s go play with the dudes now.


I couldn’t do it.

Kudos to you Mommas who home school. You have labia majoras of steel.

Do you home school your child?

What are some tips to make learning fun?



  1. Home school? Two boys? That’s a good one.

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      @Nancy, What? Why not…hee hee hee.

  2. I was a teacher, I adore my children, and I have serious doubts about our current school district. Still, no, I don’t plan to home school. There are days it’s a struggle to get them to put on pants.

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      @angela, I know right?!!! I’ve tried everything to make it fun and interactive and all that jazz but no dice. I thought it would be easy! Nope.

  3. Kai Kai

    I taught third grade for 22 years and LOVED it. But HOME SCHOOL????? I’d as soon be shot in the foot. LOL! Don’t know why I wrote LOL! I was SERIOUS!

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      @Kai, I wonder if it’s different to teach other people’s kids than your own? Hmmmmmm

  4. Claire Claire

    you had me at labia majoras of steel. I am so using that against my husband in the very near future. like as soon as he walks in the door from work.

    I homeschool. Weve already covered the fact that I lost my sanity a while back, so what the hell, right?

    I’m not gonna lie, their are days where I wanna run outside and flag down any random school bus passing by and throw them on it, but at the end of the day (like when theyre asleep) it seems totally worth it. To keep it fun, we try to do as much hands on stuff as possible, which really interferes with my high level of laziness, but its what works best at keeping them interested.

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      @Claire, You kill me. REally.
      I don’t know how you do it. Nope. I don’t. I want to pull out my eyelashes the moment I pull out the magnet alphabet letters.
      I almost need a bottle of ativan to get through it.

  5. You are SO funny!! Thank you for the good laugh!

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      @Nikky44, Awww…I’m glad I could make you laugh today xoxo

  6. School is the missing puzzle piece of our kids first 4 years of existence. Break time!!!

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      @Pamela Gold, OH. I. KNOW. However, I plan on going back to work…so I guess that is still a win.

  7. Home schooling sounds like a major pain in the ass. I don’t have the fortitude… er… or the labia of steel… to try it.

    Although I will admit that I’m seriously jealous of the love and admiration my son has for his kindergarten teacher. How the hell do I get that level of respect? I’m sure if I were his teacher, he wouldn’t be so willing to listen to me and declare that I’m the best teacher ever like he does for her…. 🙁

    I’ll just have to settle with being his mommy.

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      @Tawny, Teachers are just amazing. I have no idea how they command the attention of not just one but 20 some odd kids. SEriously. They rule.

  8. Yeah – I could never homeschool. I know quite a few people who do, and do it well – but not for me! I would lose my mfing mind.

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      @Nicole, Yeah, as if my mind isn’t lost enough.

  9. Teachers are saints and parents who home school their kids deserve a first class ticket to heaven (when their time comes)!

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      @Karyn Climans, Oh they sure do. That is probably the hardest job in the world…second to being a mom of course 🙂

  10. That was too funny for my old belly. I laughed so hard it hurts now. Thanks my young friend.
    And now I have new words that will be floating around in my head all day.
    labia majoras

    You always make me smile. Have a great Saturday. You and that Chunky cutie pie!

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      @Theresa Sonoda, I bet there is some Freudian therory about my obsession with parts down yander. REally.
      I think my parents are really proud of my use of private parts in sentences.

  11. We also sing the ABC-song here, but I totally rely on the DVD player. And I think when the kids are in preschool/kindergarten age, learning is so much more fun when you can do it with your friends.
    As for homeschooling older kids? No way ever. I’d rather work my butt off to pay for the best school on the planet. But I bow in admiration to people who can do it, I couldn’t and wouldn’t.
    On top of all this I think a little competition from the other kids can actually help to achieve the set goals.

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      @Karin @Mommy’s Paradise, I have no idea how mom’s who home school do it. REally. It drives me bonkers after 3 minutes!
      I think that he’ll do better with other kids too.

  12. Sometimes I think I want to homeschool, but yeah, I don’t think my kid would listen to me either.

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      @Rach (DonutsMama), I don’t even listen to myself. There is no way he’s listening to me. LOL

  13. I could never.ever home school. And for the record, we could never get through the alphabet either.

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      @susan, It drives me bonkers. BONKERS. Sometimes I think he likes to just play with me. Bugger.

  14. I wouldn’t be able to home school… that’s a hard hard job I’m not capable of doing.

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      @Leighann, God bless the teachers eh?!

  15. um no. I can hardly stand to be home all day every day with a small person let alone try to teach him all academic subjects.

    Plus? I am pretty sure he already knows more math than I do seeing as he can count to 20.

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      @Katie, Shut up! 20?! That’s epic. We are up to 10 and then it goes something like this:
      “10, 11, 43, 100, 3, 17!!” YAY.
      Yea, so … there’s that.

  16. You kill me. I laughed through this whole thing. Personally, I thank God for schools. 🙂

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      @Ally, I’m thanking God for them too. And teachers!!

  17. OMYGOSH!!! Good for you for sticking it out as long as you did. We only have furbabies (2 yorkies and 1 yellow lab) for children … and they rather play too!! … Thanks for visiting… I’m trying to catch up since Gabbana joined our family Love that your friends are getting furbabies too!! After 9 months they are much easier to “school” than human children… and you’ll never have a wet toilet seat .. OH wait that was “daddy” ..ok maybe you will ..

    have a great week-end and thanks for the chuckle, I needed one today. 🙂 hugs, C. (HHL)

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      @Celia (High Heeled Life), HAHAH…well, pups do like to leave surprises sometimes on the floor. The other day my husband stepped on one in the yard.

  18. Oh my goodness. I’m cracking up. I could NEVER EVER homeschool. Ever.

  19. Claire Claire

    sooo, looks like I’m the only asshole here then. huh. (lol)

  20. Kir Kir

    I’m with you girlfriend…my kids would know the opening credits to Law & Order if i needed to HS. But this made me giggle, my kids knew the alphabet because of daycare…not me! Honestly daycare is soooooo worth it to me. I’d sell my soul to the devil before I’d stop paying that tuition 😉

    He sounded so cute! Don’t worry he’ll love that song soon…unless you find the BNLs singing it for him!!!!! 😉

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      @Kir, The BNL actually have a nursery CD!! But they don’t sing the ABC’s on it.
      I’m kind of kicking myself for not putting him in daycare. It’s just too darn expensive expecially when I’m not working.
      So I’m the daycare 🙂

  21. Hahahaha, awesomeness. I was a Kindergarten teacher before I became a mom. I was actually pretty good at it and I enjoyed it. But there is NO WAY in H-E-double L that I would EVER home school. No way. I do have some other reasons for that, but one of them definitely is, that I couldn’t personally handle it.

  22. Oh my goodness, aren’t kids turds sometimes. I laugh because I have been there…3 times. I cry because I know it’s going to get worse before it gets better. 🙂 Have fun!!

  23. This is how it is with my youngest. She wants nothing to do with learning.

  24. Considering I’ve managed to teach my not-quite 2 year old lyrics to some not so kid-friendly songs, I would majorly fail at the homeschool gig.

  25. Hee! Love this, and ohmygoodness so very true! Homeschooling mamas rock a whole different level! xo

  26. Lord I couldn’t either. That’s some tough stuff!

  27. OMG i almost peeeeed myself. too funny. that boy is just too cool. when damian gets tired of learning he just starts saying random stuff. i don’t know if it’s because he’s confused, thinks it’s funny or just wants to piss you off enough that you’ll give up. you never know with this one.

  28. I think you should have asked the Army Dudes to sing it for you. You probably would have gotten farther LOL…

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