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Me: Babe, it’s time.
Shawn: For what?
Me: To make a baby.
Shawn: Says who?
Me: The book.
Me: I think I’m pregnant
Shawn: Really? How…do…you…know?
Me: The book says I might be.
Shawn: Shut up.
Me: And I have to ease up on the caffeine and we have to kill the neighbor’s cat because it’s poop is toxic
Shawn: The cat?
Me: No, I’m kidding about the cat. The book also says that the husband must do the housework and rub the pregnant wife’s feet daily.
Shawn: What? Give me that book.
Me: Look lady, I’m going to wet my pants if we don’t get this show on the road.
Ultrasound Tech: Ok just one more…
Baby: Thump thump…thump thump…
Me: Oh. My. That is the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard.
Shawn: That is crazy. The hell? It moves?
Ultrasound Tech: It is a baby.
Me: We shall name it peanut.
Shawn: The book says you’ll barf probably.
Me: Shut up.
Shawn: The book says you might be hormonal too.
Me: Barrrfff…Is my butt getting big?
Me: Quick. Peanut is moving.
Shawn: Is that your poop moving around in there?
Me: It’s not poop. It’s the baby. The book says so.
Shawn: No, I think it’s poop. Disgusting. I am feeling your poop.
Me: I must eat all the things.
Shawn: The book says you’ll want to eat. Do you want me to get you some donuts?
Me: No, the baby wants a jar of tomato sauce.
Me: I am getting so fat. I can’t even see my feet.
Shawn: You are growing a baby.
Me: I have cankles. Shawn. I have cankles. I also want ice cream.
Shawn: The book says you might get swelling.
Me: Shawn, I said ice cream. Snap. Snap.
Me: I think it’s time.
Shawn: It’s not time. You’re only 28 weeks.
Me: There is something wrong. I’m having cramps every 5 minutes. Oh God.
Shawn: Hold on. Does it feel like menstrual cramps? The book says…
Me: Shut up. We have to go now.
Me: You know what the best thing about bedrest is?
Me: Everyone feels sorry for me so they bring me food.
Shawn: Is that a hint?
Me: The book says that I should ask family and friends to help me out. I’d like an ice cream cone please.
Me: It’s time.
Shawn: Really? On your due date? Are you jerking me around?
Shawn: Stop it.
Shawn: Do I have time to make a sandwich? The book says labour might take a long time.
Doctor: Hold her leg.
Shawn: No way.
Doctor: Hold her leg.
Shawn: Oh my God. I don’t want to see anything coming out of anywhere.
Me: The book says to be supportive you jerk. I’m crapping out your kid.
Doctor: It’s a boy!!!
Shawn: Yes! I’m not cutting the cord.
Me: He’s so beaut….what is with the cone head?
Shawn: It’s ok. The book says that the baby might have a weird head. We can put a hat on it.
Shawn: Why is there so much poop!
Shawn: Babe, I think there is something wrong.
Me: No there isn’t. I’m fine!
Shawn: No babe. You’re acting different. You’re not well. I think we need to get you some help. It’s in the book.
What To Expect When You’re Expecting book was a staple during our pregnancy with our Chunky Monkey. From conception to labour to postpartum depression and anxiety, it held our hand, educated us, and eased our fears.
What to Expect When You’re Expecting is the only book I recommend to my friends and family who are preparing for a sweet little bundle.
Did you also know that they have a series of books?
You can check them out on the website http://www.WhatToExpect.com.
By the way, the What To Expect When You’re Expecting website is phenomenal. You can join communities, track your babies growth, read articles related to pregnancy, and so much more.
Know what’s even more phenomenal?
Winning your own set of books.
Yes. What To Expect When You’re Expecting has graciously offered 3 books for one lucky All Work And No Play Reader.
You can win:
- What To Expect When You’re Expecting
- What To Expect The First Year
- What To Expect The Second Year.
Here is how to enter:
Tell me about something that you didn’t expect while you were pregnant? If you are planning to become pregnant, tell me about something that you worry about? Or you can just tell me who do you want to give these books to.
For the Overacheivers:
- Follow All Work And No Play on Facebook (1 entry)
- Follow All Work And No Play on Twitter (1 entry)
- Follow What To Expect When You’re Expecting on Twitter (1 entry)
- Tweet the following: Win a set of What To Expect When You’re Expecting books from @What_To_Expect and @momgosomething http://wp.me/p12YyG-1on (1 entry and can be done daily)
- Follow What To Expect When You’re Expecting on Facebook (1 entry)
- Subscribe to All Work And No Play via reader or email (1 entry)
- Tell me a Chuck Norris joke (1 entry)
Giveaway starts April 15th 2012 and ends April 22 2012 at 11:59pm. Winner will be chosen by Random.org and will be contacted by email.
*Disclaimer: I recieved What To Expect When You’re Expecting, What To Expect The First Year, and What To Expect The Second Year. No further compensation was given. All opinions are my own and yes that is part of Chunky’s birth story. No further compensation was given. What To Expect When You’re Expecting is providing one winner with the same books I recieved. I also love Chuck Norris. Fact. Nobody reads this part because it is boring. Fact.