Winner:
ten btwitter follower @10750coupons
Congrats Ten. An email will be sent to you shortly! Thanks everyone for entering!!!
Me: Babe, it’s time.
Shawn: For what?
Me: To make a baby.
Shawn: Says who?
Me: The book.
*********
Me: I think I’m pregnant
Shawn: Really? How…do…you…know?
Me: The book says I might be.
Shawn: Shut up.
Me: And I have to ease up on the caffeine and we have to kill the neighbor’s cat because it’s poop is toxic
Shawn: The cat?
Me: No, I’m kidding about the cat. The book also says that the husband must do the housework and rub the pregnant wife’s feet daily.
Shawn: What? Give me that book.
*********
Me: Look lady, I’m going to wet my pants if we don’t get this show on the road.
Ultrasound Tech: Ok just one more…
Baby: Thump thump…thump thump…
Me: Oh. My. That is the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard.
Shawn: That is crazy. The hell? It moves?
Ultrasound Tech: It is a baby.
Me: We shall name it peanut.
********
Me: Blahhh…barf….blahhh…
Shawn: The book says you’ll barf probably.
Me: Shut up.
Shawn: The book says you might be hormonal too.
Me: Barrrfff…Is my butt getting big?
********
Me: Quick. Peanut is moving.
Shawn: Is that your poop moving around in there?
Me: It’s not poop. It’s the baby. The book says so.
Shawn: No, I think it’s poop. Disgusting. I am feeling your poop.
*******
Me: I must eat all the things.
Shawn: The book says you’ll want to eat. Do you want me to get you some donuts?
Me: No,  the baby wants a jar of tomato sauce.
********
Me: I am getting so fat. I can’t even see my feet.
Shawn: You are growing a baby.
Me: I have cankles. Shawn. I have cankles. I also want ice cream.
Shawn: The book says you might get swelling.
Me: Shawn, I said ice cream. Snap. Snap.
*******
Me: I think it’s time.
Shawn: It’s not time. You’re only 28 weeks.
Me: There is something wrong. I’m having cramps every 5 minutes. Oh God.
Shawn: Hold on. Does it feel like menstrual cramps? The book says…
Me: Shut up. We have to go now.
*******
Me: You know what the best thing about bedrest is?
Shawn: What?
Me: Everyone feels sorry for me so they bring me food.
Shawn: Is that a hint?
Me: The book says that I should ask family and friends to help me out. I’d like an ice cream cone please.
******
Me: It’s time.
Shawn: Really? On your due date? Are you jerking me around?
Me: Ooooo…Ooooo….Ahhhhhh….I….can’t….breathe…
Shawn: Stop it.
Me: Get…In…The…Car…Before…I…Stab…You.
Shawn: Do I have time to make a sandwich? The book says labour might take a long time.
Me: I….Hate….You.
*******
Doctor: Hold her leg.
Shawn: No way.
Doctor: Hold her leg.
Shawn: Oh my God. I don’t want to see anything coming out of anywhere.
Me: The book says to be supportive you jerk. I’m crapping out your kid.
Shawn: I…don’t…like…this…
********
Doctor: It’s a boy!!!
Shawn: Yes! I’m not cutting the cord.
Me: He’s so beaut….what is with the cone head?
Shawn: It’s ok. The book says that the baby might have a weird head. We can put a hat on it.
********
Shawn: Why is there so much poop!
*******
Shawn: Babe, I think there is something wrong.
Me: No there isn’t. I’m fine!
Shawn: No babe. You’re acting different. You’re not well. I think we need to get you some help. It’s in the book.
*******
What To Expect When You’re Expecting book was a staple during our pregnancy with our Chunky Monkey. From conception to labour to postpartum depression and anxiety, it held our hand, educated us, and eased our fears.
What to Expect When You’re Expecting is the only book I recommend to my friends and family who are preparing for a sweet little bundle.
Did you also know that they have a series of books?
You can check them out on the website http://www.WhatToExpect.com.
By the way, the What To Expect When You’re Expecting website is phenomenal. You can join communities, track your babies growth, read articles related to pregnancy, and so much more.
Know what’s even more phenomenal?
Winning your own set of books.
Yes. What To Expect When You’re Expecting has graciously offered 3 books for one lucky All Work And No Play Reader.
You can win:
- What To Expect When You’re Expecting
- What To Expect The First Year
- What To Expect The Second Year.
Boom.
Here is how to enter:
Mandatory:
Tell me about something that you didn’t expect while you were pregnant? If you are planning to become pregnant, tell me about something that you worry about? Or you can just tell me who do you want to give these books to.
For the Overacheivers:
- Follow All Work And No Play on Facebook (1 entry)
- Follow All Work And No Play on Twitter (1 entry)
- Follow What To Expect When You’re Expecting on Twitter (1 entry)
- Tweet the following: Win a set of What To Expect When You’re Expecting books from @What_To_Expect and @momgosomething http://wp.me/p12YyG-1on (1 entry and can be done daily)
- Follow What To Expect When You’re Expecting on Facebook (1 entry)
- Subscribe to All Work And No Play via reader or email (1 entry)
- Tell me a Chuck Norris joke (1 entry)
Giveaway starts April 15th 2012 and ends April 22 2012 at 11:59pm. Winner will be chosen by Random.org and will be contacted by email.
Good luck!!!
*Disclaimer: I recieved What To Expect When You’re Expecting, What To Expect The First Year, and What To Expect The Second Year. No further compensation was given. All opinions are my own and yes that is part of Chunky’s birth story. No further compensation was given. What To Expect When You’re Expecting is providing one winner with the same books I recieved. I also love Chuck Norris. Fact. Nobody reads this part because it is boring. Fact.
OMG! That was hysterical! I laughed till my sinuses are stuffy again. Worth it, tho’! I mean, just LOOK at that gorgeous boy of yours! And, WOW! What a GREAT thing that gift will be for an expecting mom to reference! All I had was freakin’ Doctor Spock who I NOW believe was an I.D.I.O.T. to the M.A.X.! It’s been 41 years since I gave birth to my daughter but you know what I remember most? As they wheeled me into the delivery room, I got a Charley horse in my right leg. I was howling at Dr. Hamelton to GET IT OUT. He said, “It’ll go away. Let’s get that baby delivered, okay?” I HONESTLY do not recall saying what HE said I said, which was, “GET THE CHARLEY HORSE OUT NOW, ASSHOLE OR I’LL KICK YOU IN THE TEETH.” I was SUCH a lady, wasn’t I? And this ‘lady’ would LOVE to win the books for my older granddaughter who is hoping to be pregnant within the next 6 months. She and her hubby are AWESOME with kids but HAVING one is WAY different from being a Day care worker. LOL!
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I didn’t expect to meet support online. But I totally did. “Um, Kim! I have this rash….”. Ha! Good times!
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LOVED this post! I definitely relied heavily on the first book. Super helpful for first-timers.
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I will be reading them then passingthem on to my many magically pregnant friends while I wait til we can have another one *pouts* I need to borrow a newborn so the urge to have a second child passes :p
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Also, I follow you on facebook!
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This post was hilarious, and you used such a creative format! I could identify with every one of those conversations.
Unexpected #1 – 3 months premature, emergency C-Section, “Oh crap I skipped that section of the book!”
Unexpected #2 – “We’re sorry, you can’t have an epidural. But women do this every day, you’ll be fine.” “Oh crap I skipped the natural childbirth section of the book!” ::kills anesthesiologist::
Unexpected #3 – hearing the doctor say, “I can’t see where all this blood is coming from” – not comforting. “Was that in the book?!?!!” Finding out how much the 3rd baby MESSES YOU UP, especially a 10 pound baby (sorry, maybe just pretend you didn’t read that)
I loved this whole series of books, but I just never managed to have read the right parts to fit each birth’s weirdness.
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I totally had What to Expect When You Are Expecting and read it religiously with Eddie.
I didn’t even open one book with Charlie. I was too busy not knowing what to expect with Eddie. STILL.
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this is a GREAT sponsored post, i LOVE it!
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Fantastic.
You. Are. A. Freaking. Rock. Star.
Love your writing, wit, humour, love…
Xxx
Everybody MUST have that book…even if they’re not pregs.
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What did I not expect…huh. I read so many books I think anything that happened I actually did expect it. I guess I didn’t expect I would get so fat. I thought I would be one of those super fit pregnant women. Instead, I ate 12 meals a day.
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This is so freaking funny. I mean, yeah, I lived off that book, too. But you crack me up! I’m not really entering, but I had to tell you how much I like it when you make me laugh
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My husband refused to cut the cord either and also said he’d stand next to my head so he wouldn’t have to watch! I didn’t realize you had to be on bedrest.
I didn’t realize my legs and feet would cramp SO MUCH. Like every night. Painfully.
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Love the whole dialog! Just cracked me up! P.S am subscribed in google reader, don’t waste this book on my old ass, give it to someone younger who can use it… this grandma’s done ;0
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This? Is why I love you. Also why I am seriously thinking you and the hubs need a reality show. Your conversations are priceless. This is the best description of the process of a pregnancy ever.
I love those books too. Very helpful!
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Great post!
I love “do I have time to make a sandwich?” My son’s father went home from the hospital to set the recorder for his favorite tv show because heaven forbid I give birth to his son on a Monday night without warning to preset the DVR.
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OMG!!! You had me thinking you were expecting #2!!!!
Awesome post, lady! People keep asking when we’re having #2. I just want to tell them to mind their own business! LOL! Love your post. Totally cracked me up. You had my heart stopping at the part where you mentioned 28 weeks and bed rest. I had to go on bed rest at 24 weeks and Little One was born at 28 weeks. Crazy.
Anyway, I have to say, a post like this would be one hell of a way to let everyone know you were expecting!!
Luv and hugs, lady! xo
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Hilarious! I didn’t expect to have a baby who had separation anxiety for the first year of her life. This is an awesome giveaway! I hope I win!
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For a minute there, I thought you were expecting Chunky II. Whew!
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*Not entering because ohmygod No.More.Babies for me, but I love this post. So much. xo
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I didn’t expect that my pregnant belly would feel hard like a basketball!
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Like All Work and No Play on FB
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Like What to Expect… on FB
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I’m an email subscriber.
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Chuck Norris joke attempt:
Q: What did Chuck Norris name his cat?
A. Morris …. That makes it Morris Norris!
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i did not expect that the smell of krispy kreme would make me violently nauseous. and you can smell hot doughnuts from MILES away. i had to find a different route to my doctor’s office to avoid them. if i win, i will give these books to a coworker who is expecting twins.
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fb follower ten coupons
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fb follow what to expect, ten coupons
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twitter follower @10750coupons
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I worry that I’ll do something that will result in a miscarriage.
I’ve had a number of friends experience them and it’s so sad. Also, what things to eat and not eat!
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