I don’t mess around when it comes to me time.
I could feel my hair dampen as the steam started to billow out from behind the curtains. I quickly undressed while listening for his curious feet to come barreling down the hallway like a freight train powered by Easter Candy.
If you timed how fast I could strip my clothes off, it would be a world record of some sort.
That’s probably a title that no girl would want to have.
Unless your name is Whore, then yes, you would definitely want that.
I can’t remember the last time I’ve had a shower without my son asking me if I needed soap.
Or if I could make him toast.
Or if I could tell him when he was going to grow boobies like me.
You know, normal conversations that you would have with someone while they’re taking a shower.
When I have a window of opportunity, and by window I mean I’ve bribed the boy child with enough candy that he’ll more than likely shit a sugary unicorn with the shakes, I will take a shower.
Some people get caught up on chores.
Some people take naps.
Some people play Madden Football online with his friend instead of cleaning up the dog shit in the yard and I will not name anyone in particular but I do sleep with him.
I get naked.
I jump in the shower.
I lather up.
And I get fucking clean in 2 minutes.
Then I dry up.
Put lotion on.
Then revel in how good it smells.
Then I contemplate eating it.
But I don’t because I’m 31 and I know better.
Then I throw my clothes back on.
Then I remember a time when I could spend hours in the bathroom if I wanted to.
Then I get sad.
And then I hear:
“Mama? You locked up in there? I’ll get a knife!”
Yeah, he’s 3 and very resourceful.
And then I open the door and say:
“I just took a shower without you. BOOM.”
And he has no idea what just hit him.
But he will one day.
Because I like paybacks.
And I’d like to be a Grandma…wait…they don’t get privacy either do they?
*How do you sneak away when you just want to take a shower by yourself?
*What sacrifices have you made since becoming a parent?