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Secret Mommy-hood Confession – Tawny Style

For anyone who has started a meme on their blog, you know the feeling of sheer excitment that rips through your heart and almost out of the back of your pants when you see the very first soldier who volunteered to hop on board your crazy train. You want to jump through the computer screen and kiss them and tell them that you’ll be best friends forever.

That person, that beautiful woman, is Tawny from The L-T Experience.

I. Love. Tawny.

And not just because she’s a fellow Canadian.

Her writing is witty and sweet and all the things lovable in between.

I know that you’ll love her too and will probably wet your pants when you read her confession.

Everyone meet Tawny

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Hi,  I’m Tawny and I write a blog called The LT Experience.  I love to participate in the Secret Mommyhood Confessions… um… probably because I have 2 kids (one boy, 5 and one girl, 2).  And I do a lot of truly heinous stuff that I need to confess just in case. So basically Kim is like my priest whom I tell all sorts of crazy shit to. Only she doesn’t make me say Hail Marys – instead she invites me to run the big show while she’s away.  What?  EEEEEEE! I’m so excited and honoured!

Going over my confessions I realize that the bulk of my secrets involve body hair. Hmmm … maybe i’ll stay away from that topic today.  Thank you Kim for letting me take over your blog.  I promise that I’ll keep it classy with this:

There’s nothing like a little dysentery to keep you on your weight loss goals.

Er… Let me explain…

It all started when I was trying to be super mom during my little man’s spring break from Kindergarten.  I planned all sorts of adventures, plus a little of the boring stuff like clothes and shoes shopping and hair cuts.

My spring break was going awesome. There were crafts, there were trips to the park, there were lunches at Subway (my kids’s favourite restaurant).  Then it started to rain and rain and rain.  Booourns…

So in order to remain super mom at the end of the week I decided to take the kids to the land of sunshine and happiness (at least for kids) – play park at the mall.

Now I’m sure many of you have entered this science experiment from the gates of hell and have survived.

Me? Not so much.

Last year after I had heart surgery, my husband actually banned me from setting foot inside this Petri dish of childhood germs and pestilence. “No Playpark for you!” he shouted at me several times when my brain hiccuped and I thought it would be fine to venture in. I get sick Every. Single. Time.

I should have heeded his warning.  But I was trying to be super mom.  Give the kids what they want is what my heart was telling me.

I should have listened to my brain which was looking at one kid sneeze all over the plastic foam bridge and another kid shove his hands down his diaper and then proceed to crank the train steering wheel with great force.

My brain was saying “GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE!!!! NOW!!!”

But instead, I let the kids play.

And as always, my little guy got sick first.  It was the last day of spring break. He had to miss the first day back at school.  Then my little girl got sick for the next three days.

If cleaning up puke and the runs coming outta both kids wasn’t enough, the next weekend I got sick.

Like… the kind of sick that makes it so you can’t move more than 2 feet away from the toilet.  It was coming out of both ends sick. (And to add insult to injury, it was my time of the month as well – groan)

Kids are seriously gross. And when they travel in packs, I warn you all to watch out. Your very life may be in danger. And no, I’m not exaggerating.

I can’t really blame the kids though can I? I mean – blood is thicker than the stuff coming out of my butt right?

And look how cute they are?  Too cute to blame for giving me dysentery? Maybe…

 

Gah!

So I gotta look on the bright side:

My bout with Dysentery pushed me through the 20 lbs lost mark of my weight loss goal! 😀 😀 😀

PS: I was reading over my confession to see if it would pass Kim’s discerning eye.  I want to get invited back after all.

Let’s see –

Toilet humour? Check!

Funny stories about little kids? Check!

Husband saying something silly? Check!

Excessive use of the word “Penis”? Uh oh….

So without further ado… penis, penis, penis…. PEEE   NUS!

 And to really make sure I get invited back: “When Chuck Norris pokes you on Facebook, your PC explodes” – FACT.

Again, thanks Kim for the opportunity.  And good luck with your surgery.  Kick some ass and take some names!

*******

Thank you Tawny so much for this hilarious penis…I mean post and being a loyal SMCS contributer. You rock my face off.

You can find Tawny blogging at The L-T Experience, Tweeting, on Facebook, and at her Etsy store.

Yea, this woman has serious talent. Go check it out.



12 Comments

  1. Hahahaha, oh Tawny. I know the coming out of both ends stuff you speak of. It happened to all of us when we were on vacation – I got hit 2 days before, the toddler the night before we left, and the husband while we were on the flight there. Our first stop when we reached our destination – the doctor.

    And I too, know of the indoor play places -in Malaysia, that’s where moms go to bring kids to hang out. Because we are sad and have shitty rainy weather and very few parks. My toddler picks up germs ALL.THE.TIME. Gah.

    Wonderful guest you’ve got her, Kim!

  2. Oh Kim! Almost always when I read your words I end up crying or laughing or truly awed (mostly a combination of all three). Thank you for your kind words and for letting me take over your blog today. Have you completely lost your mind? hehehe

    I love the confessional. Keep it up always 😀

  3. Oh lawd!!! I would have freaked. Sick is hard enough with one kid but two? Outta both ends? All this and you lost weight? You’re my hero for life.

  4. Children are filled with germs. It’s gross. But they seem to function so much better when they are sick then adults.
    I hope you’re feeling better.

  5. jen jen

    Kids are germy little suckers aren’t they? Loved your version of the Tawny confesses to loosing twenty pounds the hard way diet, very funny! Great meeting you!

  6. Funny stuff! Great post Tawny. And Kimberly? You sure know how to pick ’em! Happy Saturday ladies.

  7. Hahahaha! Tawny, I love the little p.s. at the end, so funny!

  8. Oh boy! I never used to be such a wingnut about germs. But then…I had kids. Gross little petrie dishes! Fortunately they are older now and don’t get as grossly sick anymore.

  9. Oh no! I’m so sorry that happened to you!

    (And your “checklist” at the end? Hee! Too funny!)

  10. Kir Kir

    HI Tawny…well I am sorry about the SICK although I could use it to reach my weight loss goals (Emily Blunt in the Devil Wears Prada, “I’m a stomach flu away from my goal weight”)

    you are tooo cute and your children too, CUTIES. Plus you used the word Penis..a new hero!

  11. Oh no….how miserable. Yes, those playparks. GRRROSSSS.

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