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Secret Mommy-hood Confession Saturday

Shawn, there is something that I’ve been meaning to tell you for a long time….

Like for 8 years…

Babe….

You are not the Father.

 

Shhhh….

It’s ok.

I think that he knows already.

I mean, you two share nothing in common besides laying on the couch all day and having this impeccable talent of farting.

Oh and you both love my underwear…

…only Champ eats the crotches out of mine…

…not with me in them…

…pervert…

Champ pees on everything in our yard.

And oddly you pee on everything in the bathroom.

Write this down: Toilets were made to be peed IN not on, around, and “in the general area of”.

Champ does not own testicles anymore.

And when I’m enduring mood swings, you also do not own testicles.

And it’s really weird how yours recoil when I mention babies.

Champ likes to sniff bums of other people.

I’m glad that you don’t do this.

Champ owns more hair per square inch than your mother’s upper lip.

And you own more hair under your armpits than Rosie O’Donnell’s upper lip.

And he’s brown.

Did it just get awkward in here?

Champ is wonderful with children.

Specifically Chunky.

And so are you.

Hmph.

Maybe you are his father?

You have some serious explaining to do mister….

Happy Father’s Day my sweets.

There’s some cold Hoegaarden waiting for you in the bar fridge.

xoxo



39 Comments

  1. I love your awkward emotion.
    Freak.

  2. Ha ha ha. Too funny. Seems our dogs and hubby’s could be related!!! 🙂

  3. Aw. Somehow, this turned out to be really sweet.

    Happy Father’s Day to Shawn!

  4. Hahaha! You’re husband is a dawg! 😛 Actually, I think all husband are very similar to dogs now that I think about it. Happy Father’s Day Shawn!

  5. So cute. SO CUTE! Happy Father’s Day to Shawn!

  6. DID it just get awkward in here?

    This was a really cute post. Shawn’s a lucky dude – happy father’s day to him!

  7. fantastic. if he IS the father though? I think he has another one at my house that I would happily return… 85lbs, same shade of brown, 5.5 years old… 😉

    Happy Father’s Day to your husband!

  8. oh my. I think maybe her could be just a smidge of champs dad. you always keep me happy with your posts.

  9. lmao. i die! you kill me! this was bloody awesome and i think your hubby is awesome too! otherwise, how would he have caught you?

  10. Love the photos! Especially Champ and Chunky! lol

  11. Kai Kai

    HAPPY FATHERS DAY, SHAWN! Just for the record, tho’ I’ll ALWAYS take Kimmy’s side regardless (LOL!) I think you are damned awesome! I really DO! Kim, I have MISSED you this past week-plus while I was out of town! LOOOVE YOU, Girly!

  12. Maybe Champ is Chunky’s father? Oh no, sorry, didn’t mean to go there. 😛

    I love that last pic of the boys. Like father, like son.

  13. Happy Father’s Day to your husband! He sounds like a great dad & husband in every way.

  14. Never seen a Father’s Day tribute where comparisons of testicles, farts and crotch-eating are included…but somehow this worked. Awesomely funny too!
    Hugs my seriously wacky friend.
    T

  15. If Champ is missing his ummm. balls, then I don’t think he can be your baby daddy. Just biology.

  16. You have a great husband, a great kid AND a great dog! Lucky girl 😉

  17. —Champs & Hubs are both awesome in my book, babe. …as long as they don’t sniff my bum or pee on me! Xxx

    Males are Soooo weird.

  18. definitely the most awkward father’s day post I read! Lol.

  19. Love this! Love! I hope you’re doing well. xo.

  20. Dogs are such pervs.

    Then again, husbands kind of are too.

    Happy Father’s Day to Shawn!

  21. You are hilarious, only you. And you’ve been on my mind a lot. Hope you are well. xo

  22. I think the dad probably liked that last line the best. 😉

  23. “I’m glad you don’t do this” made me laugh out loud! Love the pics!

  24. C’s tie shirt? BAD ASS.

  25. I. LOVE. THIS. We have 2 dogs. And they sound very similar to champ. And really, to all men….

  26. I guess that’s where the term, men are dogs, comes from. 🙂

  27. You my friend, might be a little crazy, how else could you think to write a post comparing Shawn and your dog and make it a nice Father’s Day Post? But anyway, loved reading it, as always!

  28. You guys are so uncomfortably adorable together. It’s awkward and I feel embarrassed and I love every single word.

  29. jen jen

    If this was anyone else’s blog I would have held my breath at that intro.. you kill me woman!

  30. Sue Sue

    Awww…I am touched.

    Or maybe I am a little scared.

    Yeah. A little of both column A and B, I think. xx

  31. This is like the funniest thing I’ve ever read. Ever. I love it. Every time I cove over here – I love it.

  32. Perfection! Hope you guys enjoyed your weekend. Xo

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