I can’t remember how long I’ve been lying here, tucked tightly into this fleece blanket that I loathe.
A Golden, a black, and a chocolate Labrador retriever heads amidst a forest landscape.
It’s the type of blanket you hide in the back of your closet.
Or let your dog lay on during long car rides.
Or display when your Mother In Law visits to show her how much you loved the Christmas present.
She tries.
The room is dark and silent.
Noises and lights overwhelming my senses.
“Hypervigilant” Dr. B says.
High anxiety paired with a medication wean will do that to you.
“I am going to miss you a little bit Momma”, Chunky whispered.
“Just a little bit?” forcing my best pouty face.
“Awe Momma. I’m just kidding. I miss you all of the time,” he said while cautiously swinging his arms around my neck.
I squeezed him tightly, burying my face into his clamy shoulder that smelled of sun block and fun times had out in the yard without me.
He began to squirm and wriggle away from me.
“Momma stop it! You’re going to jack up my hair!”
He grows up so fast when my eyes are shut.
*I’m really hoping that this medication overhaul works. I’m ready to blaze through this summer with a wicked tan and a water bucket overflowing with happy memories…you know ones that I want to scrapbook the shit out of.
Good luck with the new meds. You are getting up each day and moving through the day. That makes you awesome. You are doing the best you can do. And that is good enough!
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Kimberly Reply:
July 8th, 2012 at 10:01 am
@Melissa, Thank you so so SO much Melissa for the encouragment. I really need it today xo
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I think I have that blanket too. Don’t we all? Don’t all people who take themselves out of the world for a bit have that blanket? Or that bathrobe? I have both.
Also? I need to scrapbook the shit out of ALL THE THINGS! I am so far behind.
(hugs)
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Kimberly Reply:
July 8th, 2012 at 10:00 am
@Katie, Yes, we all have an ugly piece of embarrassment hiding somewhere in our homes. Mine is called Shawn and I don’t like to talk about him…hee hee.
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Hope the meds work. Your little one is adorable!
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Kimberly Reply:
July 8th, 2012 at 9:59 am
@Eva Gallant, I hope that they do too.
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I’m the queen of wean. It sucks, but it’s worth it.
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Kimberly Reply:
July 8th, 2012 at 9:59 am
@Pamela Gold, I hope it works. Right now I feel like a zombie and my coordination is terrible. I have been walking into things and I can hardly type at the keyboard without focusing really hard on what to type. Fuck.
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Don’t laugh, but MY blanket is a million hours of Little House on the Prairie, Dr. Quinn, and The Waltons reruns. I LOSE myself in them because I KNOW everything ends happily & I can pretend I’M there in HAPPY LAND. Give the meds time. The suckiest (my word) thing about our kinda meds is that they don’t work fast enough – like RIGHT. THIS. F’IN’. MINUTE. fast! But my fingers are crossed that YOURS will be the one that DOES. LOVE YOU, KIMMY! And Chunky looks so freakin’ precious with his hair that way!
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Kimberly Reply:
July 8th, 2012 at 9:53 am
@Kai, OMG…I watch Little House on the Prairie and Dr.Quinn too!!! I loved those shows. It’s hard to find them on our new satellite provider though…so now I watch Cupcake wars and Dance Moms…don’t judge me. xoxo
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Thinking of you. xo
{hugs}
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Kimberly Reply:
July 8th, 2012 at 9:51 am
@Alison, Love you friend.
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I know what “hypervigilence” feels like. It’s the worst. But it will pass – I’ll be thinking about you – you’ll get through this -
xoxox
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Kimberly Reply:
July 8th, 2012 at 9:51 am
@Janet, It is so awful. Everything is so much more intense. Last night we went to a rib festival and my mind was on overload. I had such a hard time focusing on conversations and…sigh…well you know how it goes. The ribs were fantastic though
xoxo
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Loved when my nieces were young and they let me play with their hair. Now that they are teenagers, I’m not allowed to mess up their hair styles. Not fun!
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Kimberly Reply:
July 8th, 2012 at 9:50 am
@Karyn Climans, Yea, my son is getting particular about his locks already. He wore that style for 10 minutes before he said “I want my own hair back”…LOL
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i still have a blanket from my childhood, it is tattered and about as thick as a piece of kleenex now, probably flammable too since my childhood was back in the day before people were worried about things like that. anyway, i still love it and i still use it when i need it. i hope this med change does the trick for you, i’m still trying to find the right combo too.
xoxo
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Kimberly Reply:
July 8th, 2012 at 9:49 am
@katery, My son actually has a quilt that my mom and I both used when we were kids. He never sleeps without it. My mom has had to repair that thing more than I can count!
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I have such a blanket…red, sportsy-something throw. Got it free at a casino and it is just perfect to take the chill off when reading in the living room. In fact, this post reminds me I need to wash the dang thing…stinky.
Hoping those meds are kind to you, my friend. MUCH love. XOXOs
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Kimberly Reply:
July 8th, 2012 at 9:49 am
@Terri Sonoda, I won’t lie, I can’t remember the last time I washed that blasted thing. I really loathe it, but sometimes it is a nice little comforting squeeze. xoxo
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I really hope the medication works. Because I want to see you scrapbook! *adds more stickers* *summer-tastic!*
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Kimberly Reply:
July 8th, 2012 at 9:48 am
@Nicole, I’ll scrapbook the blanket with the words “Herpetic” and “Scratch-tastic”
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Also? The blanket? Made me laugh.
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My goodness he is looking so stinkin big!
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Kimberly Reply:
July 8th, 2012 at 9:47 am
@Tayarra, He is a giant at the park. He’s into 5T and that is even cutting it close. Kid grows faster than my mother in law’s chin hair.
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Sending you lots of love and hugs. xo
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Kimberly Reply:
July 8th, 2012 at 9:47 am
@Kimberly, xoxo
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jack up his hair?
only your child. i think you should keep him.
until then, make a lil list – in the silent dark – of all that shit you’re going to scrap book.
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Kimberly Reply:
July 8th, 2012 at 9:47 am
@MommaKiss, I have no idea where he comes up with these sorts of statements.
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I have some old photos of my boys with their hair just like that.
Hope those meds work for you soon, Kimberly. Thinking of you…
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Kimberly Reply:
July 8th, 2012 at 9:46 am
@Diane, It’s the coolest hair cut. My son had it cut like that for a total of 10 minutes before he said “I want my own head back”…LOL
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Oh my gosh, your kid is the CUTEST!!!
I really hope that this works for you. I know you have been searching for an answer. I will be thinking of you and can’t wait until you feel ready to scrapbook all the things….because you will rock it.
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Kimberly Reply:
July 8th, 2012 at 9:45 am
@Julia, Thank you so much Julia. I will be a scrapbooking machine!! A very tanned one.
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This is gonna be a great summer!!
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Kimberly Reply:
July 8th, 2012 at 9:45 am
@Leighann, It is it is it is damn it.
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Best of luck with the new meds — I know just how frustrating this is. The good thing here? You are aware. I wasn’t. You’re going to rock this summers face off, Kimberly, I have faith!
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Kimberly Reply:
July 8th, 2012 at 9:44 am
@kim, You are so right. I never looked at it that way. Thank you so much for pointing that out. It’s funny when you need someone “outside” the situation to show you something that you really can’t see. xoxo
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He.Is.So.Cute.
And you, hang in there, there’s a summer of memories waiting to be made. Thinking of you!!
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Kimberly Reply:
July 8th, 2012 at 9:43 am
@Ally, I could eat him up some days. I know that there is plenty of time, I just hope that things would move quicker so I can enjoy more of them xo
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Think positive!
You can scrapbook the crap out of anything!
xo
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Kimberly Reply:
July 8th, 2012 at 9:42 am
@Mimzy Wimzy, HAHAH…I need the motivation!!
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I hope you’re rocking a wicked tan soon, too
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Kimberly Reply:
July 8th, 2012 at 9:42 am
@angela, Oh me too. It’s weird how lights are so so so painfully bright. Don’t worry…I’ll be snooki ready by the end of August
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Hope it works too girl. At least your trying….sending good thoughts your way…and Chunky’s hair? Holy heck! When did he turn into a pre-teen little boy???? FTW! They grow too fast for sure…eyes open or shut.
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Kimberly Reply:
July 8th, 2012 at 9:40 am
@Angelia Sims, I know right?! My brother had the same cut and my son looks up to him so he had to have it. He wore it all of 10 minutes and then said he wanted his “own head back please”….I hope that this medication change helps too. Thanks friend.
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–I have that blanket, too.
Sending you love & light from Minnesota xx
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Kimberly Reply:
July 8th, 2012 at 9:11 am
@My Inner Chick, xoxo
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Hope the new meds work for you! That’s such an awesome picture of Chunky! He’s growing up so fast!
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Message me on twitter k? I really want to hear how you’re doing.
I hope all works out really soon!
He’s freaking adorable.
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I am new to your blog. Love the posts. Love the picture.
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