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Secret Mommy-hood Confession Saturday

While at the water park, I was suddenly overcome with the intense desire to overdose my ovaries with a pack of birth control pills.

I love kids.

Specifically my kid.

Not yours.

Kidding.

Unless they were at the water park on Thursday.

I ate one birth control pill for every child in this picture…minus my son of course.

There was screaming.

And shrieking.

And “Mom, can I pee in the water?”

And there was crying.

And there was “I had this first!”

And “No I had it first!”

And “I’m telling!”

And the name “Mom” being shouted in every language and every dangerous decible known to the human ear…

And there I was on the park bench.

Gritting my teeth.

One eye on the boy child.

The other eye on the weird kids who thought it was fun to use the water fountain as their personal bidet.

Does water shooting up your bum bum feel good?

Am I missing out?

All I kept thinking about was, “Oh. My. God. There is poo particles in the water.”

And Bob Barker…

“Help control the pet population. Keep your pets spayed and neutered”

And to take only a few pictures of the madness because I didn’t want to look like the park pervert.

The things I do to make this kid smile.

*Secret Mommy-hood Confession Saturday is a weekly meme! Share your dirt about parenting, snag the badge on the right, and link up!


27 Comments

  1. Laughed out loud at ate a birth control pill for each kid in the picture. I’ve been wanting to take the girls to a water park, but you may have just changed my mind. Did Chunky have fun?

  2. Did you take Chunky for a tetanus shot afterwards? 🙂

  3. our local playground has this big water sprinkler for the kids to play in. i hate that thing. really. it causes screaming and crying and fighting of the big metal thing the water sprays out of. this is why, during the summer, while school is out, if the tots aren’t up to go to the playground at 8am, we’re not going. nope. not at all. i love kids too. i mean hell, i made four. but at the playground i swear these kids lose their little minds and morph into something extremely annoying and their moms are too busy socializing to notice. yeah i like kids. just not other people’s kids at the playground.

  4. I have a water park post up too! I was amazed at how polite everyone was at mine though. I thought it was a trick.

  5. OMG, I laughed outloud with this one, and almost pee’d in my pants. Then I realized how appropo it would be to do such a thing with this post! 😉 so funny, my love!!! sorry I’ve been MIA on the comment front. I promise I’ve been reading them all. You continue to inspire me daily . . . And make me laugh like no other! I adore you, my friend! Going to catch up on some posts may have missed. Hugs!

  6. Ugh. I hate the spray pad and the wading pools. So many Petri Dish situations. And yet we continue to go because it’s a nice way to keep cool. The things we do for our kids. We deserve a freakin’ medal! hehehe

  7. I confess – I really don’t like other people’s children (yours exempted from this circle of dislike).

  8. You just made water parks a lot less attractive! Yikes… the visuals are so not appealing.

  9. Hahahaha, kids are soooo weird. And gross. Public kid bidets should be outlawed!

  10. It’s gonna take a whole lotta sanitizer to clean that place.

  11. Ick. I have never thought about those kids using the fountains as their personal bidet. thanks so much for the visual.

  12. I feel that way while doing in-class volunteering, or going to the mall. Ovaries go into shut-down mode.

  13. how weird, we have a splash park and i never see kids fighting or screaming there, although, there are plenty of squeals of joy. i also haven’t witnessed the butt cleansing, lots of face cleansing though!

  14. Kai Kai

    Just so happens I ALSO specifically love YOUR kid! (You already KNEW that, huh?) Specifically love YOU, too!

  15. Yes, that was POO and LOTS of PEE is in there, too.

    Omgggggggggggg, and probably puke and spit and sperm of some sort.

    Xxx

  16. Kids ALWAYS like sticking their butt where the water shoots out! Then they just turn around and put their faces in it. I’ve never understood.

  17. Yep, other people’s kids often test my appreciation of humanity. And the sad thing is, it’s not even really the kids’ fault. It’s their parents that make them all nutty! Looks like your little guy had fun though!

  18. Love the photos, could do without the water park bidets.

    {Eewww!}

  19. I am a teacher, I love ALL children. Even the gross ones..
    WINK, WINK.

  20. Robin | Farewell Stranger Robin | Farewell Stranger

    Yep, except for me it’s playgrounds. No bidets, but great birth control.

  21. LMAO!
    Honest? I hate large public water parks. I live (literally) 2 minutes from Wonderland and have NEVER been.
    Please bring Chunky to our pool next time. It is worth the drive to Woodbridge to not have to share poo particles with anyone. There may be some pee.

  22. Eww! We almost took our kids to a splash park a few weeks ago. You’re making me very glad we didn’t!

  23. You cracked me up with the bidet. There should be a Purell fire hose that you can blast at the kids every 20 minutes. Just sayin’ Ellen

  24. HAHAHAHA!!! Oh, I’ve been there – and the poo particles! Yuck, yuck, yuck!

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