Dear women of baby baring age,
I have filled my quota of baby showers for the year.
Please keep your legs closed until 2013.
Signed,
BrokeÂ
I cringed when I got those 2 little envelopes sealed with an unhealthy dose of excitement and pregnancy cooties in the mail because I knew that some weekend in my future is about to be screwed in the poop shoot.
That I will have to spend $50 I don’t have and hours walking around aimlessly searching for the item listed as #23235827 at the store.
Like why can’t store registries just read “She wants an overly priced blue blanket and it’s located in aisle 4 on the shelf with the baby monitors because it makes absolutely no sense to store them there.”
That I will have to engage in awkward dances of conversation between family members I haven’t seen since the last funeral.
That I will have the question “When are you having another baby?” 500 times and that I will have to refrain from answering them with “Since we are asking very personal questions, when are you going to lose the baby weight that you gained with your first?”
That I will have to participate in stupid games in order to receive dollar store lotions that itch your skin when applied, smell like your grandma, and that will end up being stuffed in the back of my bathroom cabinet.
That I will have to ooooh and ahhhh about bags and wrapping paper and baskets that took 5 hours to assemble into into a masterpiece of cuteness and then watch the pregnant woman take 20 minutes trying to carefully unwrap them.
There isn’t a god damned bomb in there. Just open it already.
That I will have to pretend to be so excited about baby clothes, breast pumps, and tiny nail clippers.
That I will have to fight 7 other women for the mini bowl of candy in the center of our table because it’s 3:30 and we haven’t had lunch because we’re still playing games.
And that I will have to strategize how to make it to the buffet line with out being trampled by said women.
And that I will have to patiently wait to plow through the cake because everyone needs to take a picture of it.
That I will wait in line to say goodbye and good luck to the mom to be and hear all the seasoned moms tell her that her that her vagina is going to rip.
And then I will speak up and tell her that she will do magnificent.
And that no matter what happens, it’ll all be worth it.
That I will tell her that her shower was beautiful and lie that I was glad she invited me.
That I will breathe a sigh of relief when I make it to the parking lot and lock my doors.
And I will curse the asshole who thought that baby showers was a good idea.
I.
Hate.
Baby Showers.
Go ahead and judge me.
*Secret Mommy-hood Confession is a weekly meme. Share your dirt, grab the button and link up.
Kim,
I completely support you in hating baby showers. I myself did not have one – just a little gathering with my immediate family – no games or starvation tactics involved.
I also despise bridal showers. Thankfully, only my sister and a couple of close friends of mine wanted these kinds of events, so I have been spared. Also, a few of my closest friends have not wanted children, so I can count the numbers of “showers” I have been to on one hand – no, one-half-a-hand.
So, no judgment here – I may hate baby showers more than you do. Maybe if women had a simpler gathering, without all the hype, it would be more pleasant?
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Good one! I hate showers and I hate parties thrown to get you to buy expensive jewelry, cosmetics, or whatever!
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The games are the worst… Guessing what chocolate bar is in the diaper, don’t say the word baby or you lose your clothespin, chugging apple juice from a bottle… WHAT. THE. HELL?!
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I’m only having one bridal shower (for family only) because I know people don’t enjoy them. No one has the money anymore. I
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Traditional showers are definitely low on my list of fun. I had four baby showers thrown for me – not my choice and I was only at two, both of which were surprises (though someone graciously let me know about the work one cuz they know I hate surprises). Only one of the 4 had the silly games and was the big one back home I wasn’t there for.
A nice gathering with nachos and beer and a lot of giggling and no games – that’s the way a shower should go
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I’ve had four children, and I only had a baby shower with my first. And there were certainly no games. We all hung out for about an hour, ate the mountain of food that my mom made, and then opened presents. The End.
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I won’t judge at all because I too, hate baby showers. Stupid, stupid waste of time especially with the games. WTF grown people?
For the record, I never had a wedding, baby showers, gender reveal parties (another WTF?) and my poor firstborn has never had a birthday party and he turns 3 this year.
I know, I suck.
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You hit the nail right on the damn head – I hate those things. The only ones I’ve had were thrown for me, against my will, by people probably only doing it out of some misguided sense of obligation, and I considered sending a stunt double in my place. I don’t care what flavor of baby food is in the unmarked jar – I DON’T CARE!
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I don’t hate baby showers…but I do hate baby shower registries. Wedding registries, yes, fine. But baby shower ones? Those suck.
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This was funny. I had to “enjoy” all the ones I went to because I was last. Waaaaaaaay last. My friends kids are graduation from high school and I have a seven year old. Incidentally I did not enjoy my own. After I ate pasta salad and drank punch, I was one burp away from a barf. Fortunately that didn’t happen until much later in the evening after I decided to have more pasta salad and fruit punch and a piece of cake.
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I, too, hate baby showers for all of the reasons you listed above. No judgement here.
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Games should be banned at parties for anyone over 10. Just sayin’. The only fun part of baby showers is when you casually hear the mother-to-be telling someone how she read the perfect way to put the baby on HER schedule for sleeping-eating-pooping-potty training-whatever, and you snort your punch drink up your nose.
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How about rsvp’ing NO? You could be permanently busy on all baby shower dates.
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I concur! They are a WASTE OF TIME, $$, AND ENERGY! People who hear me say that seem to think I don’t LIKE KIDS! WRONG! I adore children! I just do NOT think baby showers are for everyone. (Power to those who LOVE them, and may THOSE folks be showered for every event!) I personally refused a wedding shower and a baby shower & I’m still alive to tell the tale, as is my unshowered kid. Here’s a secret: Even if one DOESN’T have a baby shower, the baby will NOT explode upon delivery. And, for the record, I did NOT have a ‘wedding’ but was married at the courthouse by a judge! I wanted the marriage – not the hoopla! Hope you survive all those dreaded parties, Kimmy! LOVE YOU!
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Somehow I think they would be more bearable if you could just get to the cake a little sooner.
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Loathe, loathe, loathe them too–seriously, enough’s enough. Let’s just take a break for a while, ladies!
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I do not enjoy bridal or baby showers. I am all for the food, the alcoholic punch for those of us that can drink and the cake but other than that…I HATE the games and the waiting around. I laughed at the blue blanket and monitor comment. So true. And the “When are you having another?” killed me for three long years and about 100 showers. Loved your answer!
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I’m sorry, but truly this is hilarious. I don’t mind them too much, but they are irritating. Lol. And how many times to do people Awh over the clothes?
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I absolutely hate the games. Why do people insist on putting us through that?!
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lol. Oh, you hit the nail on the head with this post! Even more than hating attending any baby showers that aren’t my own, I hate attending bridal showers. Gah!
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Loooove your honesty, Kimberly.
Why don’t those sluts keep their legs closed!?
Haaa.
Xxx Kisssss
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Kimberly Reply:
July 26th, 2012 at 10:56 am
@My Inner Chick, I’m sneaking birth control into the drinking water.
xo
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There is no way possible that you hate them as much as I do. I don’t do games. Or small talk.
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Kimberly Reply:
July 26th, 2012 at 10:28 am
@Susan, That’s why I eat my face off.
They should allow drinking at these things.
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no judging here, although I am in LOVE with baby showers. There, I admitted it. I get to throw two of them this fall for baby girls and I am SO EXCITED.
Of course, I feel like the ones you are going to do it wrong. We do lunch first (with dessert), a game, then presents, and then people leave. In and out in less than 2 hours. And generally it’s more of a brunch so people don’t use up their whole Saturday. Home before noon. Boom.
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Kimberly Reply:
July 26th, 2012 at 10:22 am
@Katie, You do the games? I can’t even look you in the picture avatar eye.
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I hate the “when are you having another one” question. That drives me crazy. It only comes from people who know nothing about my life & that I only see maybe once a year.
I also am not big on baby showers or any kind of showers! We only had food & baby gifts at ours with immediate family & very close friends, absolutely no games!!
Is it horrible to say that I am not even a big fan of weddings? I don’t mind them if I am close to the people but we sometimes get invited to weddings for people we hardly see & never even really talk to!! That drives me nuts!
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LMAO love this post. I prefer if they register online. Much easier but then I’m lucky to be back here. They don’t have baby shower well not the American ways anyway
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I HAAAATE baby showers. Hate them. I liked hanging out with friends for mine, but gah I hate the games. Let’s just eat all the good stuff and chill. Ahhh.
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“Please keep your legs closed until 2013.” hahhahhaaha!!
OMG, I absolutely hate baby showers, too. I’m glad I’m not the only one. All of those stupid games kill me.
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