I don’t want to understand this horror
There’s a weight in your eyes I can’t admit
Everybody ends up here in bottles
But the name tag’s the last thing you wantedAs the world explodes
We fall out of it
And we can’t let go because this will not go away
There’s a house built out in spaceI can’t see that thief that lives inside of your head
But I can be some courage at the side of you bed
I don’t know what’s happening And I can’t pretend
But I can be your, be yourThief : Our Lady Peace
I stopped briefly at the neck of the busy corridor as the heavy doors closed behind us. Unlike the rest of our clinical rotations where the hustling, the alarms, the shouting, the squeaks of hurried rubber soled shoes, the sirens and the quick flashes of green scrubs scurrying from room to room that invited us student nurses to come and play, the psychiatric unit seemed eerily subdued.
“Come, come. Get your assignments,” our short Indian Nursing Professor said while he waved us over to a room surrounded by thick glass.
My patient was a tall woman with beautiful thick black wavy hair.
She was suffering from severe depression.
I watched as she barely made her way out of bed and shuffled down the hallway with the weight of the world on her shoulders.
Her soul seemed so lost behind a veil of darkness; devoid of emotion.
I wanted to pick up her up in my arms and squeeze her tightly.
To tell her that everything was going to be ok.
To tell her that life is good. That it can be good.
But I didn’t.
Instead I listened, I cracked jokes, and sometimes we just sat there in silence.
She stunned me when she grasped my hand tightly.
“One day at a time,” I said.
She gave me a half hearted smile.
When I left that day, I felt defeated.
Did I make a difference?
Did I help?
I still don’t know.
When I’m not well, I know that people feel the same way as I did as a student nurse.
What do you say?
What words will help this person instead of making them feel worse?
What can I do for them?
You feel helpless.
And I can tell you this, your presence, your love, your encouragement, and your support is what matters.
Sometimes we don’t and can’t express how much your support pulls us through each minute, each hour, each day, each week, and each month.
You help us survive this.
Remember that.
On twitter the other day, Katherine Stone from Postpartum Progress asked that people tweet me some encouragement.
I cried as my twitter feed exploded with tweets from friends and people I didn’t know.
I may not have responded to all of you but know that you pushed my one foot in front of the other that day.
You sent me hope.
You sent me encouragement.
You sent me love.
You sent me support.
You made a difference that day.
So to those who tweeted, my readers, my dear friends who send me emails and texts daily, thank you.
Thank you for holding my hand through this.
xoxo
I’m sending you one of those bone crushing, take your breath away hugs right now, Kim. We are here for you, all of us – it’s the only way we can all get through it, with the help of each other.
And here’s another hug for good measure
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Love you, Kim.
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Kim, I’m sending you so much love. I am sure that the patient you saw was glad to have someone who took the time to talk to her and listen. The advice to take it one day at a time was spot on. some days the most we can hope for is hour by hour. Keep fighting, sweet friend. You are so, so loved, and you have helped so many of us, me included. xoxo
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I love you, Kim. I am praying for and sending loads of hugs and kisses.
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You inspire me. Every day. Continuing to send you so much love and strength.
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It is encouragement and support like this that make me proud of human kindness. Not all the crap at Chick-fil-a. Wish there more news stories of this nature. Love and blessings to you always.
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I’m so glad I reached out to you because you have HELPED me my friend. Sending you a big hug and letting you know that we are in this together!
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I didn’t see katherine’s tweet, but i do love you. Madly. always.
you are always in my heart, friend.
Always.
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How could we NOT love & support you, Beautiful Girl? I don’t need to tell you here because I already told you privately. You DO know you help ME, too … RIGHT? I didn’t need to throw chairs today. So far. LOL! XXXOOO!!!
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Social media is the shit. I can’t wait to see the next photo of you where you don’t look so absent and hollow (I know that look). I wish nothing but goodness to come your way! xoxox
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I love you. Big fat Love. Bacon loving love. Chuck Norris and John Mayer love! Oh wait, but not them together. That might be awkward or maybe awesome, I’m not quite sure. CN for you and JM for me style love. xoxoox
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Dear Kim,
I wish I had seen Postpartum Progress so I could have tweeted you.
I think that your patient would not have squeezed your hand if she didn’t trust you intuitively, so you must have helped her. You’ll be able to help even more people than you do now one day.
When I was at my worst with my illness, I used to tell my husband and my friends that all they had to tell me was, “Everything will be alright”, along with a hug or a touch. They couldn’t believe that all they had to do was to say something so simple – they felt they had to “fix” the situation. What you write is so true, about how the support of our loved ones pulls us through every moment.
Everything will be alright, dear Kim.
Sending a virtual hug,
Janet
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Always. You inspire us so much with your honesty.
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You are an inspiration. You rock. You helped her. You were THERE.
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One of your best posts ever! Glad the tweets helped you get through your day.
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I missed Katherine’s tweet. But you know I’m here for you, 24/7. I think of you often. Of your smile, your heart, your words. I look at the card you made for me with your hands and it makes me smile. I hope the least I have done, is make you smile once in a while. xo
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I love you, Kim. You are so beautiful. Hope I get to give you a real hug one day soon!
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Gorgeous girl.
You are incredible. An advocate for mental health and a strong encouragement for all of those fighting to stay above water.
You are my ostrich.
I love you.
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We’ve never hugged in real life but it kinda, sorta feels like we have anyway, doesn’t it?
Here’s another . . .
::hug::
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Like I said before my friend… I love you. Always here.. Even when I’m knot
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Sending you lots of strength, love & hugs.
Your blog was the first one I ever remember finding off postpartum progress when I was desperately searching to find someone, anyone that understood how I was feeling at the time. Finding your blog led me to others & it all led me to getting help & speaking out. Even when you don’t even know it, you are helping others & I wish only the best for you Kim!!
You are such an inspiration & you will get through it!!!! xoxo
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one second at a time.
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Sending you hugs because I don’t know what else I can do. Hope you feel better soon, girl.
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Such an amazing support system. Hard to imagine people battling without one. You are strong, really strong. Even when it doesn’t feel like it. Hugs, sweetie.
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I missed the Twitter rally but I think of you often, and always with hope and a smile. You will pull through and we’re all here for you while you work towards that – and after. xo
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Kim, I didn’t see Katherine’s tweet the other day, but I wanted to let you know that I’m sending lots of hugs and love your way. Your writing and humor inspires me. I know that you’ll get through this, and in the meantime you have an army of us supporting you. xo
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Yes! Yes!
Support. Unconditional Love. No Judgement. Hugs.
And more loooooooooooooove.
I send you all of this. Today. Now.
Xxxxxx
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I love you. I’m always here. xoxo
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I’m so sorry I missed the tweet because I would have been blowin you up! Thanks for the email. Thanks for taking the time out of your world for me when now I know you haven’t had it easy lately. I’ve thought about you a lot just today. Look at all that love up there, Kimberly! It’s all for you.
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FUCKity FUCK FUCK FUCK I get it… hugs to ya… one.day.at.a.time.
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Big hugs and love to u mama. There nothing more that I can say except let u know ur in my thoughts and those thoughts are always of how feisty and brave and truthfully funny u are. Hang on their girl.
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Thinking of you every day. You know it’s true! Love you mama.
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Always, always thinking of you… even when I’m not commenting. And it’s easy to give people like you encouragement when you’ve encouraged so many other women!
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Been away for a week but my prayers are here as is my love and support for you even when I’m not….
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Hugs, always. And a hand to hold yours, even if it’s from so many miles away.
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((hugs))
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I’m crying, because I love you and I wish I could wrap my arms around you right now. Baby steps, my friend, little tiny baby steps will get you there.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
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Oh, my dear, sweet Kimberly. You are amazing. And you will conquer this. You make a difference in so many lives, even if you don’t always know it. You have touched mine and I am so thankful for that.
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Holding your hand, always. xo
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You are one amazing woman.
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I’m so sorry I missed this on Twitter. You are such an inspirational woman to so many. And I’m glad that you have so much support from a community that clearly loves you.
I also needed to read this today. Sometimes it’s hard to rally. But yes. I believe you are right. Being there is enough. We all need to remember this.
XOXO
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