The chilled air motivated me to put every ounce of energy I had into my legs.
It was Monday.
I don’t think that there is a single being in this world that likes Monday.
And if you are one of those people, I declare you freakier than Michael Jackson’s last nose.
At 7am, I moved the pillow off of my face and saw the sun’s rays peeking through the window above me.
As I laid there in bed, I kind of forgot how much I really hated fucking living.
And let me tell you, nothing breeds a false sense of optimism than waking up to sunshine.
It makes my depressed mind think of things that it normally wouldn’t think of.
Instead of the usual “I want to inch my car into the intersection”, I think of things like this:
Today is a new day.
Today is a new day.
You should consider brushing your teeth.
Remember you have cookies.
They don’t judge the size of your hole in the crotch of your PJ’s.
You know, crap like that.
Chunky and I ate breakfast while watching the squirrels dig holes in my garden.
He talked about how much he was going to miss me at school.
And I talked about how much I was going to miss him.
I’d say that it was a moment that Hallmark would consider writing about.
The sun is quite golden.
It warms up your soul.
Your dog is licking his nuts.
And your high fibre oatmeal looks like shit in a bowl.
Breathtaking.
Let me tell you another thing about sunshine in the morning, it causes you to misjudge how warm it really is outside.
By the time we stepped out the door to walk to school, I was only wearing a long sleeved shirt, jogging pants and a sports bra so thin you could see my nipple erection.
I can’t believe I just wrote that.
I held Chunky’s hand tightly while I dragged him to keep up the pace.
When we got to the school, Chunky put his hand out and said “Mom, can you give me your kiss?”
I leaned forward and kissed his hand then folded his fingers tightly over it.
“Don’t forget that Mom is always with you in that kiss**. If you’re sad or afraid or if you just miss me, put that kiss on your cheek.”
He grinned while sliding his hand back into his pocket.
“Momma, if you get sad for today, look in the sky.”
I looked up while shielding the sun from my eyes.
“Don’t be sad for today. It’s sunny out. It’s not raining. You can play in the backyard for today and it will make you laugh.”
He turned and got into line with all the other children, his over sized Angry Bird back pack giving me a chuckle, and walked into school.
I put on my sunglasses and decided to take the long way home.
I kicked leaves and laughed at how they reminded me of my thoughts.
Scattered.
But not lost in the dark today.
Today it is sunny.
I will try to not be sad for today.
**If your child is having a rough time going to school, I highly recommend you get the book “The Kissing Hand” by Audrey Penn. It has helped us tremendously. We do this every day. This is not a sponsored post. I was not asked to incorporate this into a post. I just really like this book and wanted to share it with all of you.
That Chunky is one very smart, very sweet boy!
I had forgotten about “The Kissing Hand”. Love that book!
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I immediately thought of The Kissing Hand as I was reading your post before I even reached the **. Beautiful post, beautiful boy, beautiful mommy.
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Oh Chunky. What a beautiful thing to say to your Momma.
I love the save a kiss move. I’m going to get that book for when my baby goes to school next year.
(here’s a kiss for you Kim, for you to put in your pocket for when you need it xxxxxx)
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That KISSING HAND story gets me every dang time. My girls are all halfway to grown now, but still, that story never ends for us. College girl away from home. High school senior trying to figure out where her life will be taking her. My baby, in her first year of high school. They all still need that kiss, that warm blanket of love around them knowing Mommy will always, always be there.
Take those steps today, darling girl. Let the sunshine bake into your soul. That darling boy knows of what he speaks.
And now that you’ve reminded me, I need to go brush my teeth. Yes, I know, gross. I’ve been up for over an hour with morning breath. My bad.
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I was thinking while reading your post, they must have that book “The Kissing Hand”. I love it! I hope you are not sad for today. xo
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Kim, I don’t think it was false optimism that you experienced that Monday. I think it was a tremendous breakthrough – seeing beauty in the midst of intense pain.
I think you are raising a little mystic – “Momma, if you get sad for today, look in the sky”…and you are both great teachers for each other.
And Alison, what a great idea! Kim, here’s a kiss on your hand from me to take with you to remember I’m here for you. And because I can’t be there every day to renew the kiss, I’m “magically” making it indelible!
xoxox
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What a lovely way to remind people throughout the day that you love them? Hope it doesn’t make your son hesitant to wash his hands … LOL.
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That was supposed to be an exclamation mark not a question mark. Silly me.
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I hear your sadness in this lovely piece.
I know what this is like, and can tell you: you learn to live with it, but it never goes away.
There will come the pain of losing them so many other times, and that’s when I have to shake myself: say “it’s only camp for two weeks” or “Yes, it hurts he has a girlfriend who takes his time, but that’s normal” and now I’m gearing up for next year: college.
God help me, right?
Love you, my girl. So very GD much. I love you.
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I hope you did get to laugh and play outside in the sun, even if it was deceptively cold!
I hate our minds sometimes. How they weave the beauty in with the ugly. How they transform the sun into something taunting you with its shine. Be so very happy every time that sun is truly shining down on you.
xo
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let the sunshine in hon
http://youtu.be/9KdfYf7eTOk
Love the kissing hand thing! I think I’ll use that
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That was beautiful! And what a wonderful idea.
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You know why that boy of yours is so special? It’s because he’s just like you: amazing.
Yay for sunshine. xo
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You have such a sweet boy! I am glad the sun is shining for you today! *Hugs*
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We’re fans of “The Kissing Hand” here too.
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I don’t care what you say.
Socks and sandles are unacceptable.
You will freeze next time before you do that.
Do you understand?
You’re disgusting.
And I love you.
Freak.
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Children are amazing, no? They know what to say at just the right time, just what’s needed. I said nipple eretion out loud and my husband says “The hell you reading?”.
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I have nothing profound to add except I love you.
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We did that Kissing Hand thing, but because I wear lipgloss or lipstick every day, Jake would always get an actual kiss mark on his hand. Awwww. He doesn’t want me to do that now. We have to do exploding fist bumps. Mother of god.
Sweetie, SOCKS AND FLIPFLOPS? I am sighing with disapproval. Plus, that looks kind of uncomfortable. But I’m a freak, I cannot wear flipflops because I can’t handle anything between my toes. Eeeeek. It squigs me out. I can’t even have those pedicure thingies between my toes. My toes are all curled up just thinking about it.
That was quite the comment. I think I got a bit off topic.
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I love that special relationship between little boys & their mothers. And I’m going to look into that book, that’s a great idea.
Such a great post!
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What a beautiful little boy you’re raising. I love this one, Kim!
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Love The Kissing Hand. <3
Love you, too.
I'm having one of those shitty hide under the covers kinds of days but have made the most of it. We'll see how it goes when I walk to the bus to get the kiddo. Possibly wearing flipflops and no socks, even in the chilly weather. Might be just what I need.
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I love the idea of the kiss on the hand that is really a kiss on the cheek, all day long. I also love sunny days and am so glad you had one.
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On my big girl’s 1st day of Kinder, parents were allowed to be there and her teacher read “The Kissing Hand”. We also did an artsy activity after where she dipped her hand in paint and then pressed it onto a piece of paper. Then, the parents each dipped one of their thumbs in paint and made the thumbprints form a heart in the middle of her hand on the paper. If only 1 parent was around, such as the case for us, which was the case w/us since hubster was at work, I just formed the heart w/only my thumbs. Anyway, it was so cute and sweet and I wish I knew where it was…lost in the shuffle from our move…
Glad you had a great and sunny day
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My oldest has always hated going to school. I’ll be looking up this book immediately! Thanks. And hope you had a happy day.
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He is so wise. And awfully sweet.
So glad to hear you found something that has helped with school.
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Chunky is so incredibly sweet, isn’t he? What a gentle soul. I’m glad you had some sunshine.
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Awww. YAY for The Kissing Hand. And for you guys.
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He is such a sweet clever boy. I missed you <3
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You can’t believe you wrote about your high-beams? Girl, a few lines earlier you wrote that your dog was licking his nuts! And this is why, through the darkness that follows you, YOU are the light….see, I totally should have taken the job on the mental health ward. I could use that line all the time! Ok, seriously, I love you, and you are a ray of sunshine. Never forget it.
Now, you have won the Safeway giftcard! Woot! Going to look for your email to email you the info, but in the event I don’t find it, could you email me your name and address so I can forward it to the Safeway lady. My email: fancythatpartyplanning@gmail.com
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His smartness and how in touch he is with you blows my mind. Sending my love to you! ALWAYS!
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—“Momma, if you get sad for today, look in the sky.”—
Chunky is much smarter than most of us.
Luv uuuu. X
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Awww, the kissing hand – what a fabulous idea. Glad you found something to help the transition
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Oh, I adore that book! I read that to my boys all the time.
And Chunky? So very smart. And sweet.
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He is such a sweetheart. That smile melts hearts. So glad that kiss is making school better for him. Be careful the sunshine of a child is contagious.
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I love this! Love you.
I’m not shocked about nipple erections when I actually thought you were talking about the other (large italics) hole in your pajama crotch. Then I was really shocked.
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I must get that book. I can’t imagine how we’ll do {me really} when Ava goes off to school.
He seems like the sweetest kid! What an angel.
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Oh goodness, what a sweet little boy you have. *hugs*
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You have pocket of kisses from me too
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What a beautiful voice you have, and such a sensitive and perceptive little boy. The Kissing Hand is such a wonderful book – one that has brought peace to so many parents and children. I know it’s one that I’ll keep forever. I love how you found gratitude on a day that even the sunshine didn’t promise to bring it.
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