I leave a note in my son’s school lunch bag everyday.
The nurse led me down the hallway of the psychiatric unit. It was probably the first time I had ever left my room.
Nervous and excited at the same time, I followed the nurse as closely as I could without stepping on the backs of her heels.
“We don’t usually allow children under 16 on the floor,” she talked over her shoulder, “but we do make exceptions sometimes.”
We approached the heavy metal laden door. While she fumbled with a ring of keys, I tried to peek through the tiny glass window.
“Oh, here it is,” she said as she dangled the key in front of my face.
She unlocked the door and I saw them.
My boys.
Chunky leaped out of Shawn’s lap.
“Momma! I miss you for today!”
I hurried over to him and wrapped him tightly with all of my might.
“Momma, I played with Robert today. I got this new book to read too.”
“Can I read it to you?” I asked.
He passed me a hard cover book about the solar system. He curled in his chair laying his head softly on my lap and I tickled his face just like I did at home.
Within a few minutes, he had fallen asleep.
When I looked up, Shawn’s chin was quivering as he held back tears.
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a notepad.
“What’s this for?” I asked.
“For Chunky’s lunch.”
“You can write a note for him.”
“But I know that he would like your note because you won’t be around for a bit,” he said dabbing the tears from the corners of his eyes.
On the second day of school, I started writing him notes to give him a little cheer. I’ve been writing them everyday.
“I’m missing his big day tomorrow,” I muttered. “He’s the star of the day. I’m not going to see how excited his face will be.”
“You need to be here babe. There will be more days like this to come and you should look forward to them. You’d miss a whole lot more if you don’t get the help you need.”
My hand shook from the medication, but I was able to scribble out something legible.
I didn’t want to let go of him when visiting hours were over.
“You’re going to sleep here?” he asked. “Well that is weird.”
We all started to chuckle.
That was the last time I saw him in 5 entire days.
Chunky brings home every note that I send with him.
I think I just might have to scrapbook the shit out of them.
::Do you write notes to your child?
::Do you do something special for your child when he/she goes to school?
Don’t forget, you can link up your confessions!
You’re such a good Momma. I hope you’re feeling better sweetie, love you. xo
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Shawn’s right. You’re exactly where you need to be so that you can enjoy the hundreds of “special days” to come. I am so in awe of you and your strength. Keep fighting, Kim…you’re going to be OK. Hugs.
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That was such a sweet post. And yes, a scrapbook would be a great idea! a book of sweet memories. Take care of yourself and know we’re praying for you to get well.
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give shawn a big hug from me. hes a good one.
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I love that he got a little piece of you even though you weren’t there. I write a joke or note for my son, who can read, and a picture for my daughter. She keeps them all, and is disappointed when I don’t use a lot of colors. It’s a lot of pressure!
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You’re taking care of Chunky at the same time that you’re trying your best to heal. I’m sure he feels your love even if he is confused about why you’re sleeping in the hospital. He is so blessed that you and Shawn are his parents!
xoxox
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Everyday before I leave for work I leave my daughter a note.
Shawn is right. You have to be healthy for the rest if the stuff.
The awesomeness
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Hugging you so tight in my head. What a good mama you are.
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I don’t leave notes everyday … I send notes on special occasions – not holidays, just when I want to, or she is doing something where I feel like giving extra encouragement. Like once she was doing an experiment in front of the class, so I sent a note along for encouragement and reminded her ” a failed experiment is not a failure, just one of the steps in figuring out the right answer”. But we didn’t have “going to school anxiety”, if so I would have done more notes for sure! I think handwritten notes are a hug. Who doesn’t want a hug?
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Oh, my heart. I LOVE. I wrote a small note one day. Didn’t seem that exciting. Maybe I’ll do it again. But you. And your kiddo. Beautiful.
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Even when you are hurting, you still have lots of love in your heart for others …
Hope you are feeling better soon!
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Your heart is enormous.
I do write notes to Ava but then I’m running late or don’t have time and I don’t. I need to make time. She loves them so I should do them.
That Shawn is one smart dude, FYI.
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I love that your husband thought of bringing paper for YOU to write the notes.
So sweet.
Hope you’re getting better every day!
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sweetie, you are such an amazing momma. it blows my mind how you are able to be in this place & still have the capacity to give so much to your son. xoxoxo
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Love this.
Love.
Keep up the note writing. Pretty sure it’s just what the doc ordered for everyone. xo
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I’ve been thinking about you!
Not quite as often as before, but still sometimes for special days. Or just because. It’s a great tradition.
I do still write notes for my son’s lunch sometimes – and he’s 18 now
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Damn it woman, I have no smart ass remark to make. You are an amazing mother to that child. And I’m so glad that you have such a giving husband and supportive partner in this struggle.
When you get out, can I get you to write some notes for my lunch? A bunch of swirls, stars and hearts should do the trick.
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I kiss A’s hand when I leave, and she tucks in away to keep with her all day. I want to write her notes next year when she eats lunch there.
Feel better, you, there are lots more notes to write
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Love that you do this, so special. And it’s so cute how he brings them all home! Hope you are feeling better. Thinking of you & your family
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As tears stream down my face. Touching. You are such a strong and brave woman. That was very sweet of Shawn to do for you and Chunky. I occasionally write notes to the kids and hide them in their backpacks, jacket pockets or planners. Ben and I have a special kiss on the cheek routine we do every morning. I sometimes wonder if it’s more for me or if it’s as meaningful to him. Hopefully one day he can look back and know that mommy loves him so very much! The scrapbook is a great idea. Chunky will be able to look at the notes for many years to come. Sending many thoughts and prayers to you and your family.
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oh kim… i am just so sorry you have to be in this place, mentally and physically. i wish i could hug you and tell you everything will be ok.
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Don’t ever stop the notes, Kim. Even if they fall to weekly, don’t EVER stop them. I have a confession. I used to (shit, it hurts to write/admit that) write notes to my oldest daughter. When she was in third grade, her teacher commented on it, saying how it always brightened her day, that sometimes she’d wait until after lunch to read the note if she’d had a hard morning. She’s in 7th grade now and I don’t think I’ve written her a daily note since that year.
She’s being an ass not listening and being too interested in being social at school this year. Last week we were talking to her about her progress report. I made a comment to her younger brother about a note he needed and she said under her breath, “you used to write me notes.” Way to twist the motherfucking knife, girl. BUT. I heard her. After Sandy’s (the unfriendly hurricane) is gone and they go back to school, she’ll have one.
Don’t ever stop the notes.
Don’t ever stop knowing that your health comes first. Chunky needs you which means you need to take care of you. Hold on.
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No notes yet, but lots of hugs and kisses and praise.
Uuuugh, this post! But I am so happy to see that both you and Shawn are working together to keep Chunky always in love, wherever you are.
Stay strong, friend, you can do it!
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I’m wrapping you in massive, huge cyber hugs right now. I’m crying, remembering this feeling and so wishing you didn’t have to feel it. Shawn is right — if you didn’t get help now you would miss so much more later. That’s what I did. Missed so much more. You’re a much smarter woman than me. Well done
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This made me bawl. Five days without your babies seems like an eternity. You’re a great mom, Kim.
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