“You have a lot to live for Kimbers,” he said as we pulled into the pain clinic’s parking lot.
I could feel my blood rush to warm my cheeks. A man, my Dad, with a few uttered words of emotional support in my lifetime, caught me off guard. This was the first time he had mentioned anything remotely related to my mental health since my discharge from the psychiatric unit. I looked down towards the pain clinic forms, not knowing what to say.
“You’ve been through so much in such a little time,” he said with a crack in his voice. “Everyone loves you and wants to see you keep on keeping on. You’re so much more than what makes you sick. You’re the star in your boy’s life Kimbers. And mine.”
With that he patted my thigh, cleared his throat and opened the door.
“Don’t let these assholes use you as a God damned guinea pig. Remember this is your back, not their fucking science experiment,” he grumbled in true Dad form. It was the perfect thing to say to move out of that very awkward moment.
I wrapped my scarf tight around my face as a gust of brisk wind tousled through my hair. It’s amazing how much the temperature dipped from the time we left my home a few hours ago. We picked up our pace and quickly made it through the pain clinic’s doors.
“Kimberly?” a tall woman behind the desk said.
I nodded my head.
“I’m Anne your nurse. How about I take your coat and we head on back to the exam room.”
I looked back at my Dad who was giving me thumbs up.
We walked through a maze of hallways and I was introduced to 2 other nurses whose names elude me. They all seemed really nice. A far cry from the nurses I have dealt with at home.
She guided me to a small exam room and instructed me to take a seat. She took the large stack of forms I had to fill out and said, “It’s a lot of information eh?”
I smiled.
She did the regular nurse things. Blood pressure, temperature, height, weight and how was my pain on a scale of 1 to 10.
“It’s about a 4, but I did just spend 2 and a half hours in a car. Plus my Dad was driving. I think we were almost killed 6 times. That’s actually a good ride.”
She chuckled.
We went over my very large chart that my family physician had sent.
“Any other medical conditions?” she asked.
Being afraid of her response, I quietly said, “I have bipolar disorder.”
“Pain can kill a spirit you know. Well I’m sure that you know that. Pain doesn’t help depression and depression doesn’t help it. We totally get that. We fix one and hopefully we can help lessen the other. Sounds like a good deal eh?”
I sighed in relief.
“The doctor is going to take good care of you. There is so much to try and do. We don’t give up like your other doctor did.”
She stood from her chair and helped me get my coat back on.
“We will see you next week. Mrs. M.”
“Thank you. You don’t know how much these means to me.”
“I’m so glad to hear that.”
I made my way back to the front of the office where my Dad was waiting impatiently.
“So?”
“I think this is a good fit.”
“Good. That’s good.”
I followed him out the door when he turned to me and said, “Hey, you want a free calendar?”
He flipped through the pages and noticed that someone had already scribbled through it.
“I don’t think that was free Dad.”
He smirked, slid the calendar into his coat pocket and hurried back to my car.
Nothing in life is ever free.
You have to work for it.
Some people just have to work harder at it than others.
My heart is so full reading these words. I love your dad. What a perfectly awkward experience to have the sentiment and then the even more perfect attitude shoved in.
Shows me where you get some of that feisty spirit you have. I tried to write fiesty because of the laws of English and spellcheck corrected me because I probably would have told you your spirit was like a fiesta, and then I liked that and want to throw you a fiesta when you’re done with this pain. Because this office sounds like a damned good fit. xoxo
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Kimberly Reply:
December 14th, 2012 at 2:07 pm
@Andrea, My spelling is awful so is my autocorrect. Fiesta…it’s totally a fiesta if they can help me! xoxo
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I hope they will be able to help you. Hugs.
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Kimberly Reply:
December 14th, 2012 at 2:04 pm
@Eva Gallant, Thank you Eva. ME too! I’ve waited this long. Someone better help me or my foot is going in someone’s poop shoot. Now if only I could raise my leg…hmmmm
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I’m so glad you’ve found a place who wants to help you, who cares about treating you right. Yay! Also, your Dad is awesome. xoxo
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Kimberly Reply:
December 14th, 2012 at 2:03 pm
@Alison, I’m so glad too. Fina-freeegen–ly. Yea, my dad is pretty great unless you get him behind a wheel. Dude cannot drive. Nope. xoxo
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That last line? I definitely believe that to be true.
Hope they are able to help you. Sounds like they are determined. That’s good news.
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Kimberly Reply:
December 14th, 2012 at 2:03 pm
@Diane, It is. I always worry that when they see my bipolar diagnosis that they’ll discount my pain. It’s all so subjective. But I’m glad that they are seeing me as a person in need and not a diagnosis. A very good sign indeed!
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I don’t know which part of your visit to the clinic moved me the most: the caring nurse, the fact that they “will not give up on you”, or the wonderful, loving things your father told you. I have a very good feeling about this clinic and I’m hoping and praying for the best for you -
Janet
xoxox
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Kimberly Reply:
December 14th, 2012 at 2:02 pm
@Janet, I’m praying so hard that this will help. I’ve fell into a dumpy slump again…medication changes and blah blah…but pain and depression go hand in hand. I am really hoping that with the medication change and added pain relief, I’ll be able to run into 2013 with a giant smile on my face. I’ll get there.
xoxox
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Janet Reply:
December 14th, 2012 at 2:18 pm
I’ll be praying with you, Kimberly, that you pass that finish line smiling -
Janet
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But you ARE working. And now you have a place that will work with you, help you to keep working. I’m glad.
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Kimberly Reply:
December 14th, 2012 at 2:00 pm
@Arnebya, Totally going to keep working. I think this is going to be a good fit. For sure. xo
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Thank goodness you’re in good hands now!
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Kimberly Reply:
December 14th, 2012 at 1:59 pm
@Karyn Climans, It’s a bit of a drive but hey, if they can help me, even if it’s just a smidge I’ll take it. I think that they’re going to help. Keeping fingers crossed.
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Dying at the “free” calendar.
But seriously I am so, so happy you found a group of providers willing to work with you and find a solution for your pain.
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Kimberly Reply:
December 14th, 2012 at 1:59 pm
@angela, ME too. I really miss my Michigan doctors. If they didn’t cost me so much, I’d be over there.
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I know you know what I mean, and the place I’m coming from when I say, I’m so happy you have him.
And you’re lucky to have him.
Happy for you. I felt comforted just hearing his words. What a presence in your life.Oh, Kim, you’re so lucky.
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Kimberly Reply:
December 14th, 2012 at 1:58 pm
@Alexandra, I know friend. I know. It’s a weird relationship with it’s up and downs but I’m thankful and lucky.
Wishing to give you a giant hug xoxox
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Hooray at *hopefully* finding someone that won’t give up on you. And good for you…for not giving up on YOU! And thanks for the good tears this morning
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Kimberly Reply:
December 14th, 2012 at 1:57 pm
@Melissa, I’m kicking ass and taking names. That’s my motto for 2012. xo
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What an encouraging thing to read today…hoping that this is the beginning of something really, really excellent, Kimberly.
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Kimberly Reply:
December 14th, 2012 at 1:56 pm
@Sue, ME too. I’m ready to get this shit on the road. I hope this is Santa’s gift to me
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I want to kiss you, your dad, and that nurse! I’m rooting for you, Kim.
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Kimberly Reply:
December 14th, 2012 at 1:55 pm
@Jaime, I’ll take it! I see the actual doctor next week. Super pumped.
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How would your dad feel about making out with a horny 40 YO?
Not appropriate? When am I ever?
Yeah for good fits, and hope!!!
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Kimberly Reply:
December 14th, 2012 at 1:54 pm
@Mad Woman behind the Blog, Bwhahahah!!! You kill me. I’m princess of inappropriateness.
PS he’s taken by my Mom
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That sounds so awesome. I really truly hope they can help you and not be buttnuggets like the last piece of dog poop. Yeah, I said it.
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Kimberly Reply:
December 14th, 2012 at 1:53 pm
@Dazee Dreamer, Butt nuggets is my new favourite word. Love it. I hope that they can help me too. Even if it’s a smidge. It’s better than nothing xo
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I’m smiling and the truth is it has nothing to do with the awesome smells coming from my kitchen
You go friend..and doctor and nice nurse!
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Kimberly Reply:
December 14th, 2012 at 1:53 pm
@jen, I’m hoping that you’re baking me up something yummy
I hope that this really works out for me. It would be a nice Christmas present eh?
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I hope they can get that pain down. Sounds like a good place, with good people. And your dad sounds like a great guy, even if he dad *did* steal a calendar. xoxo
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Kimberly Reply:
December 14th, 2012 at 1:52 pm
@Nicole, Oh I couldn’t even believe that he didn’t go back and put it on the table. I think he was too embarrassed.
I hope London is my ticket to greater things!
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I’m so glad you found a place that will help you feel better! Pain is no joke. I am really struggling right now with my injury from a car accident that happened years ago. Heating pad every night and still can’t move my neck to the right without pain. Ugh. I know for sure it doesn’t help my depression.
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Kimberly Reply:
December 14th, 2012 at 1:51 pm
@molly, Oh those two bad boys go hand in hand. It’s awful. You can’t get away from either of them. I’m sorry that you’re in so much pain too. Are you doing anything for it aside from heat?
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Tears of hope for your back filled my eyes while reading this. Well, that sweet dad of yours might have had something to do with it
I’m so, so glad you went!!
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Kimberly Reply:
December 14th, 2012 at 1:43 pm
@Ally, ME too. I get sad when I think of all the patients who are putting up with that ass shat and not looking elsewhere. No one should have to be treated like that.
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I would’ve lost it if my dad said something like that to me. How sweet Kimbers. I love it. And I LOVE that you have a new doctor that wants to help you. I’m really hoping for the best for you!
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Kimberly Reply:
December 14th, 2012 at 1:42 pm
@Rach (DonutsMama), Me and my Dad have a funny relationship. We don’t talk about feelings in our family so this caught me off guard. I am so excited about this doctor too! YAY
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–Kimberly,
I hope you are documenting everything. You are going to have one hell of a book about surviving, thriving, & loving.
You give others hope. Yes, you are your father’s daughter.
Love. xx
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Kimberly Reply:
December 14th, 2012 at 1:41 pm
@My Inner Chick, I love you name twin. Confession: I’m terrified to write a book. I don’t have the balls. Which is good for my husband
Cause that would be awkward 
xo
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I’m so very happy to hear that you have found a place you feel comfortable in where doctors and nurses seem to care about their patients.
I love the exchange you had with your father in the beginning of this post.
Heck, I love pretty much everything about this. Thinking about you and keeping you in my thoughts. Have missed you, girly. XOXO
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Kimberly Reply:
December 14th, 2012 at 1:40 pm
@Charlotte, I’ve missed you too girly. I’ve had a wee bit of a slumpy dump xoxo
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I am so glad you found this place!!! They seem awesome and your dad sounds like an angel!!! What an amazing man! I hope you can find some pain relief soon!!!!! xoxoxo
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Kimberly Reply:
December 14th, 2012 at 1:39 pm
@Nicki, Our relationship is a funny one. It has it’s moments. I’m hoping for some pain relief too. I think that I’m going to get it there.
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Your dad is hilarious! LOL! And I’m so, so happy to hear you’ve found a doctor who’s going to help! Hooray!
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Kimberly Reply:
December 14th, 2012 at 1:38 pm
@Jennifer, I know. Finally. Stupid Canada.
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I’m so very happy that the new dr. is giving you hope. That’s the way a dr. should be…
I love you to the ends of the earth and I’m in awe of your strength.
Keep going
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It was a long ass shitty windy pothole filled road, but you’re hopefully on your way, love. xoxo
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Your dad sounds a little like mine….
I so hope this is a step in the right direction!
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I love the sweet touching exchange that you had with your dad and then the protector coming through all rough and tough. And I love that he stole the calendar. Maybe he felt like this illness is stealing so much from you that it is about time it started giving back starting with the calendar. So happy it is a good fit.
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HaleLUjah!!!!
Awesome. (Love your dad too)
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I am SO happy to read this. SO happy. Also? I love your dad. You are blessed.
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This makes me miss my dad even more. He died when I was 13. & yet I STILL call myself a daddy’s girl.
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