Did you know that an Eskimo punches a baby seal in the flipper every time a person purchases a pair of Uggs?
I’m kidding.
They don’t.
I hate those boots.
Quite frankly, I think that these where made to jazz up jogging pants.
You know, glorifying lazy.
“Look at me! I haven’t washed my hair in 3 days and I have a hole in the crotch of my sweats but I’m so cool because I am wearing Uggs!”
And I’d whisper, “You still look stupid.”
My sister bought a pair and claimed that they were like a cozy blanket for your feet, are easy to slip on and off in the winter, and that they are “good weather transitioning” boots.
I slid her’s on to try and it was like I was missing out on an epic life experience like chasing someone with poop on a stick.
Kids are such assholes.
I ended up buying a pair for 5 bucks (the knock offs).
I wore them when I went to pick up Chunky from school the other day.
It was raining.
Nobody warned me about Uggs and their inability to repel water.
It was sideways raining into the boots.
Sideways rain.
Into the boots.
So there I was trying to shield my fucking ugly boots Fuggs with my umbrella as the teachers began to let one child out of the school at a time.
I was getting impatient and probably developing pneumonia and in my head I was all, “Fuck this. My feet are wet. I’m going to break the rules and walk around to the other side of the fence and which ever kid comes out of the door next is coming home with me because I’m cold and angry.”
I ran to the entrance avoiding the puddles, even though it didn’t matter at that point, and took shelter under the roof’s overhang. Other parents followed suit and created a giant bottle neck at the doors. Mrs. K waved at me and pulled Chunky through the crowd. I reached for his hand when she grabbed my arm.
“Mrs. M, Chunky told us something special today.”
“Ok.”
“That you’re having a baby girl,” she said excitedly.
“Oh no. No I’m not,” I replied.
The entrance became silent. So silent that you could hear an ant fart and a child’s heart breaking. I could feel everyone’s eyes staring at me. Staff. Parents.
I was mortified.
Mrs. K’s face reddened. She had the look that was like “Your Grandma just came out of her coma and then she got up and walked!”
Happy!
“But then she died.”
Sad.
“He told everyone,” she whispered.
I looked down and saw his lip curl and the impending tears clinging to his long lashes.
“I’m not. No. No. I’m not. Have a good evening,” I politely said as I pulled on Chunky’s hood and walked as fast as we could to the car.
We sat in the parking lot for a minute, waiting for the car to warm up. I could see Chunky in the rear view mirror. His neck was tucked into his chest.
“What’s wrong babe?”
He looked up, “Why are your eyes all red?”
“Because the rain splashed in them. What’s up with yours?” I asked.
“Because the rain splashed in them.”
We both sighed.
“I’d make a good big brother. I want a baby sister just like Robert and Joseph. Can I have one? I’ll help you and Dad. Please?” he begged.
“I have some gum in my pocket. You want a piece?”
Immediately his hand thrust forward and I handed him the gum.
I turned back around and put my foot on the pedal. I could feel my toes drowning in rain water and my heart in pain.
Then I thought of an Eskimo punching a baby seal in the flipper. Not once, but twice.
One for every woman who thought that these boots were cool and one for every woman who has bipolar disorder and has to make the tough decision about procreating gorgeous children like this one.
Then I’d whisper to the seal, “Life is a bitch.”
“Welcome to the party.”
My heart hurts for you. I sit and think how bad it is at times. It gets really bad. I couldn’t imagine having another child with how I feel most of the time. I think it would push me over the edge. That edge we dream about stepping on and jumping off of. I personally think you’re making the right decision. But my heart still hurts for you anyhow. xoxox
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I’m totally with you on the Uggs. They should be renamed Ugglies!
About a baby sister, remind your son that siblings steal and break all the toys … only kidding. Tough one to answer. I agree life is very hard!!!
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I think Uggs are Fuggly, as well. But then my adorable sister shows up for our recent visit with leggings and little black Uggs and looks effing adorable. I hater her. Not really, I love her. But it pisses me off that she can make even Uggs look cute. I’ve never seen her put anything on her body that makes me cringe. Biotch.
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Kim, I’m holding you in my heart. I’m keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. And I’m not buying any Fuggs or Uggs. xoxo
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Kim, I don’t look forward to having that discussion with Landon either. It will be so hard because, as you know, we aren’t having any more children either. The eskimo would have to punch the seal in the face three times though. Once more for the women who have had postpartum psychosis and have to make that terrible and difficult decision. It sucks. So bad. My heart hurts for both of us my friend.
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No Fuggs for me! Love and hugs to you, girlfriend.
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My decision was easy to not have a second child, because I was too emotionally and physically ill to conceive again. So I feel for you, because Chunky is asking about a sibling (my nightmare fear when my son was little – I was really fortunate, because he never asked for a brother or sister!) But I still felt horribly guilty, until I read a lot about new sociological studies being done about the benefits of being an only child, and the findings that showed that the myths about being an only child (that they’re “spoiled”, “can’t share”, etc.) were false, and that only children were found to be LESS spoiled and more apt to share because they were not forced to share with siblings, so they were more apt to give freely.
It also helped me in my decision that my sister had a pathological case of sibling rivalry, and I was lucky to escape with my life – so, since I didn’t have a good sibling experience, I felt I was helping my son by not having a second – sad but true -
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Oh honey, I’m so sorry you had to wear ugly boots.
No really, I can’t imagine. It’s hard enough just for you to have to make that decision, never mind to have to see how it affects him. I wish you didn’t have to. xx
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I love you.
Huge.
There’s no words that can make this not suck.
except one.
penis
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Damn seal-punchers!
Thinking about you. Wishing you didn’t have to weigh these things when making that decision, which is tough enough to begin with. xo
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I just sighed too. Life is a bitch sometimes, I know. But it can be so good too. Well, you know, as long as you don’t wear any Fuggs.
xo
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I’m glad you have Chunky, but I’m sorry you’re both hurting. Will you hate me if I admit that I have faux-Uggs? For all of the reasons your sister gave? Yes? Then forget I said anything.
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Oh my god I love you so very much for being so real.
I am struggling with this very same decision, prompted by the very same begging eyes of a little boy who wants a baby sister. And I just don’t know if I can give it to him.
Sending tons of hugs your way. I wish we lived closer so we could have some wine and discuss this situation and pending decision. Sigh.
And I would totally bring you some new boots. xoxo
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My heart aches. xoxo
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I wish I had something funny to say, but I’m not really funny at all. Except after a few glasses of wine and since it’s only 3:30, I haven’t gotten there yet.
I am sad you are going through this. I went through this before we had our first. I’m sending hugs and positive thoughts your way because I know it’ll work out, whatever ends up happening.
xoxo
PS. Chunky is so freaking adorable. Love his smile.
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I share your thoughts on the Fuggs which is what I will be calling them from here on out.
Dracen went through a stage once where he asked for a baby brother about once a week. Broke my heart because he would truly make such a good big brother. He has always been drawn to babies but I had my tubes tied when I had him. When I told him I couldn’t have more babies, he told me to adopt one. Sigh…
((Hugs))
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I don’t think I could love this post any more.
)
Hugs to you for the baby situation – I am sure you’ll end up doing what’s right for YOU, and that’s how it should be. Take care of yourself so you’ll be the mother you want to be for your son.
Also – Fuggs? LOL (and I hate those things as well, I thought they were illegal in Canada
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I’m so sorry, my love. So very sorry.
I do love your beautiful face. And that of your adorable boy.
Gum solves so many things, doesn’t it? (hugs)
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I am so, so sorry you have that factor in your decision making. My husband is an only child, and though he wanted a sibling as a young child, he remembers outgrowing it very early in life.
Also? My Uggs recently ripped. I am convinced it was the universe telling me to finally give up the illusion that their comfort outweighed their fugliness.
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I love my fake Uggs. I am sorry. I held out for years, then caved in January. One cold cold day. And they were on sale. And they are oh so cozy.
But they suck in the rain.
Please don’t hate me.
I hate that you’re facing this. But I get it. I wasn’t able to have another because of my husband’s illness. It would have been horribly impossible for him. Can men get PPD? ‘Cause that’s when his depression and anxiety got the better of him.
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I never understood the ugly uggs thing either. And living in a state where it rains 90% of the time thats just plain dumb.
You’ll make the right decision that is best for you and your family.
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I will maybe help make your dilemma a little easier. If you have another child, I promise I will buy you and them matching Fugglies, at least twice a year. See? Perspective. Will hopefully make it a bit easier, the decision. “But Chunky would make a great big brother!
ohhh, but matching Fuggs …. ugg! 
And hey! IJust got the name! Even the founder is making fun! Uggs? Ugg!!! Hahaha!
(ps I love my fake Uggs too, they are like puppy hugs on my feet with less humping involved! And I don’t find them ugly, but. can also sing every lyric to thrift shop as so much of it is my life, so I may not be the high fashion queen y’all should emulate, anyway
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Fuck the Fuggs, and fuck bipolar. Seriously.
Love your face.
Hugs to Chunky.
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never owned a pair of uggs. and I probably never will. some people can pull them off, but I don’t intend to be one of them
big hugs to you and your chunky. every little ting gonna be alright ya. That’s what I sing to myself anyway…
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I love it when you write from your heart and it’s as if you are writing directly into mine.
That sounded pretty intense. But I was just thinking about this yesterday– about how amazing my kids are and how much I am loving them, and I’ve been feeling pretty good for a few weeks so maybe I could have another baby and things would be totally different…but it won’t. and i can’t.
it’s not fun to deny yourself and your family something that could be so wonderful because you know that the (virtually guaranteed) risk will just be too bad.
I have been stringing my husband along with the hope of ‘maybe in a few years…’ but i know that i can’t ever let it happen… i have to protect the family that i already have.
*sigh* would be an understatement…
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My sister bought me a pair of Uggs for Christmas last year & they are comfortable but I don’t wear them very often. Only to play in the snow with my daughter & then my feet get soaked & I wonder why the hell I don’t just buy a real pair of winter boots. I’m kinda cheap like that.
I am dealing with Kennadie asking for a baby sister or brother all the time too. It sucks. It hurts. It’s not fair really.
Thinking of you. xo
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i’m not going to beat around the bush, no one should need to warn you that uggs aren’t the best choice for rain and snow and whatnot. deep down inside i know you know that. perhaps every time a girl buys uggs a eskimo DOES punch a baby seal in the flipper, but i think you should know that every time you masturbate chuck norris punches a mexican baby in the face. it’s true, i read it on the internet.
someday chunky will appreciate the fact that he’s an only child, i mean, when i was his age i was DYING for a baby sister or brother, but then i got older and realized that being pretty much the only kid your parents have to spend money on has it’s benefits (i do have two older sister but they’re quite a bit older than me). at some point chunky will be super pumped about being an only child, i mean, it sounds like a super idea to him NOW, but i assure you, if you actually did have another baby, he would probably be like, yeeeeeeah, maybe that only child thing wasn’t so bad after all.
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Love you pretty lady. Chunk is lucky to have such rad parents.
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I’ll let you in on a little secret, the real uggs are waterproof. Only certain fuggs are. And I’m sorry about the baby debacle.
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oh shoot oh shoot oh shoot
This one kicked me in the gut.
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Shall I overnight another bottle of wine and a big hug to you? I can, you know?
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Uggs are part of what wound me up being humiliated on a national TV show. They ruin lives. Great post. I appreciate the way you share intimate feelings here about what you go through; things many people don’t even consider. I applaud you for having the conscious and wherewithal to make a tough choice. Some people become moms without even thinking about it. You are, which means clearly you are rocking mommyhood, even when you don’t feel like it, even when it’s hard; as if that sweet little Dude of yours isn’t proof of that!
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