March 7, 2013
The moon is resting somewhere behind the dark night clouds leaving my neighbor’s patio light to help me see what I’m writing here.
I can hear my Dad’s stern voice saying, “You’re going to go blind.” Then I would scoot my rear end backwards 10 orange and brown squares printed in the carpet. When my Dad was out of sight, I would defiantly go back to 2 squares in front of the T.V.
I’ve used little white lies with Chunky. I really can’t think of any of them.
I went to Dr.B’s solo. Shawn had to get fitted for a new ankle brace.
I stopped just before the elevators to catch my breath. If I could have ran there, I would have. I have so much bloody energy bouncing off every inch of my innards. Stick a plug in my ass and I guarantee you that I could power our city’s lights.
I like being this way, but there is always a price to pay after it dissipates. Always.
I was surprised to see the waiting room packed. I took a seat in between a dude that had no regard for personal space. Arms, legs, and a kidney.
Next to him was a gentleman with Down Syndrome. He was all smiles. I watched as he leaned towards the dude and asked, “Am I just like you?”
He repeated this question about a hundred times before giving up. Dude never acknowledged him. I was so angry that I wanted to tell him, “Yes you are like any one of us. White, black, blue, yellow, brown, our insides are all the same except for this dick face without a soul.”
But I didn’t want to be everyone’s “A crazy patient went nuts in the psych’s office today” dinner conversation.
I have so much energy. It took digging my car key under my nail to keep me centered because the bitch next to me kept sighing. I get it. I’m fidgeting.
I can’t believe that I broke that key chain. Luckily I MacGyvered that shit and put humpty back together again. That key chain cost me something. I don’t remember. That’s how children’s sports rape your wallet. My kid is cute. He’s cute in hockey gear. I’m so proud of him. Oh you put him in a key chain? I am proud of him and he’s so cute. I need the key chain. Then bam. They’re all “you can’t have it unless you buy this, this and this.”
I bought Shawn a baseball bat.
He’s snoring so loud that bears are starting to line up at our front door for mating season.
I’d be his pimp and he would get paid in honey.
I wonder how much the average person eats honey.
I just checked. I think ours is old because it’s solid now. I may need to call in a pathologist to date this bitch.
Jesus, I need sleep.
Dr. B upped this and that.
I think my prognosis was “Oh boy” which I’m not sure if it’s high or low on the crazy richter scale.
He upped this and that and added wine.
I shouldn’t be drinking right now but nothing is working.
And it’s romantic sitting here on the floor. The furnace is seductively blowing my hair like Kelly Clarkson in her new video. I want her vocal chords.
I need sleep.
I need sleep.
I thought that I’d be knocked out by now since my pharmacist packaged my medicine in a huge paper lunch bag.
Nothing says you have problems like a medication lunch bag. It is hilarious.
My neighbor has her patio set out already. If it starts snowing I’m going to hop the fence and poop in her pool. Why people be all like “Oh it was 13 Celsius. Lets get out the shorts and lawn furniture.” She’s jinxing it.
I need to wash this window. The asshole’s wet nose prints are all over it. It looks like he licked it too. I guess I could do that tomorrow which is now today.
Balls.
*I have no idea what’s going on. You probably don’t either. Here’s the start.
Here’s to hoping you got some sleep. Here’s to hoping the lunchbag/grab bag/doggy bag/doggy style/cocktail sauce helps. Cocksucker gGey Poupon.
It was 40 degrees the other day, saw a lady in flip flops and a tank top and wanted to ask if she was high. Mother Nature can see you and you’re jinxing the rest of us who know it’s still just March. I wanted to stick my finger in her coffee. After sticking it in my butt. I don’t really stick my finger in my butt. But I might want to. How would you know unless you want to too? Not in my butt, in your own. Tulips.
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Thinking of you and hoping your Lunchbag o’ meds helps soon. (Or that you start a band called Lunchbox of Meds, because why not?)
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I like Angela’s idea. Because I could join you in that band. Even with a few less meds, or just whatever we have between us, no doubt we could go places. xo I hope you got some rest.
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Girl, I totally get the place you’re in. I was in it before my medications got switched to where they are now. I laughed out loud at the medication lunch bag. Yep, that’s me too
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I live in an entire country that runs around in shorts as soon as there it’s one ray of sunshine. It’s crazy. Oh, and when it’s 13 degrees..It’s all sunglasses and parasols. While I still walk around looking like a polar bear.
Biggest hug ever from me.
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Oh sweetie. I am so worried about you. I think about you all the time. xoxo
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I wonder what would have happened if you said to the person with Down’s syndrome, in answer to his question, “Yes this guy is just like you, too”. But I’m glad you didn’t, because the guy who wasn’t answering might have assaulted you…or you might have assaulted him…
I’m thinking about you over here, and hoping you get some sleep -
And I want to be in the band – maybe I can be the roadie?
Janet
xoxox
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Despite the mania, you are a very talented writer, caring person and hilariously funny. That still doesn’t make it okay. I wish life was easier for you … goodness only knows you need your luck to change.
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I hope you get to sleep soon. Also, I don’t think it would be a good idea to eat solid honey! Hugs to you.
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I love your writing.
Enough said. Hugs.
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–Go. To. Bed.
Dream sweet dreams, dear Kim. Xxxxx
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I always put my head down at the drugstore when my meds come in a large paper bag. I imagine all the people staring at me and thinking about all the meds I take.
Sorry you are having problems sleeping. I feel your pain. When I’m up I never sleep. Actually I never sleep bc my husband snores too. I’m looking into earplugs! He even had that surgery on his nose to help with his snoring and it didnt work:(
Sending you hugs!! Xo!
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Ah Sweetie, I’m so sorry you are going through this. Good Lord you deserve a break.
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If I could take some of that energy off you, I would. I’m the opposite right now. I feel like I’m moving in slow motion, my eyes perpetually half-closed. Have no idea why.
I hope things rebalance for you soon. Thinking of you all the time. xoxo
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I’m dying.
I love mania Kimberloo.
But I love mania Leighann too.
That’s the muther heffin’ problem
STOP ENABLING.
Sorry
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I love your writing. And you.
Sending prayers and hope for some balance for you. That you will find the middle, and the rest.
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“He’s snoring so loud that bears are starting to line up at our front door for mating season.”
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!
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I couldn’t help but laugh when I read about you pooping in her pool if it snows
Hoping things get better with the meds. Thinking about you lots. xo
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This is an interesting topic. I also laughed when I read about poopin the pool. Nice post.
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Thinking of you, Kim. I know what you mean about there always being a price to pay after the hypomania crash. This week was rough for me since I was juggling work, the kids, volunteering at my son’s school, and housework stuff before packing to fly out here to Seattle. By last night I was definitely hypomanic, but also extremely exhausted. The time change didn’t help (on top of Daylight savings). So I just forced myself to sleep by taking Ambien and staying in bed as long as I could this morning even after I woke up. I was able to get a decent night’s sleep and am ready to soak in as much as I can from this retreat. I am worried about you though. I hope you are able to use the meds your doc prescribes to force sleep, so that the hypomania doesn’t elevate. I’m praying that you’re able to ease down. And that depression doesn’t take over. Hang in there. Email me if you need someone to talk to. xoxoxo
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I’ve had moments like this and people have asked if I’m bipolar, I tell them no my shrink says I’m just run of the mill depression/mania.
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Hugs. Even when you don’t feel yourself, your writing is amazing. I love reading these train of thoughts and getting a glimpse into your world. xoxo
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Huge hugs Kim. Thinking of you and hope you got some rest.
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What can I say apart from these awesome comments? They said it all!
Love you, love your writing, hoping for sweet dreams soon.
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I really like your writing. Very well done. HUGS HUGS
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