“Everybody has a dream” ~ Pretty Woman
I held my head down close to the blank paper as I began to etch out my future self. I was wearing a white lab coat and holding a needle that was about as big as my entire body. When I was satisfied with the right amount of curl in my lashes, I proudly scribbled “Doctor Kimberly” in large purple letters across the top.
“What the heck are you?” Nathan T asked.
“I’m a doctor that works with kids,” I retorted.
“That’s stupid. Girls can’t be doctors. Girls are supposed to be nurses.”
I looked down at my drawing in embarrassment. I quickly drew a box over “Doctor” and filled it in with a black magic marker. My drawing was just titled ”Kimberly”.
When the teacher came to collect our papers, she asked me what I was going to be.
“I’m a nurse. A nurse that works with kids.”
She smiled at me and took my paper. I glared at Nathan T and thought, “I can be a doctor if I want to you stupid jerk.”
While I ended up choosing a different path in the medical field, I knew that it is was where I needed my heart to be. I was stressed to my core as I spent days running on nothing but coffee. I juggled a part time job while putting in ridiculous clinical hours. Each semester, as the course load and the complexity of our training increased, classmates would drop out of the program. There were many times that I wanted to quit and tell my wheezing professor to cram one in her arse, but I always reminded myself why I was there.
In 2001, I walked onto the unit for the first time. It felt freeing as I looked back to see that there were no instructors nipping at my heels. I had a purple stethoscope slung around my neck and my shoes were the whitest of whites.
And there emblazoned on my name tag was “Kimberly RN”.
I took a deep breath before diving into my first shift as Pediatric Nurse in the Emergency Department.
I was living in my dream.
I made my dream tangible.
Dreams are so much more than wishes. Wishes remind me of winning the lottery or having seductive curves like Angelina Jolie. Dreams are more concrete. They create this positive air of change and an excited sense of moving forward to bigger and better things.
Dreams are what I envision my future holds; a future that I have to work for to achieve.
In my life, as I am sure is the case with others, some dreams may not be 100% attainable. I will never find that magic wand that will rid me of chronic pain or erase the association of bipolar disorder with my name. But that doesn’t mean that all is lost. My dreams are still there, alive and well. They’re just edited.
I dream of my chronic pain being effectively managed.
I dream of being in control of my bipolar disorder.
I dream of going back to school when I am well.
I dream of stepping back into the medical field and being the nurse I strived to be so many years ago.
Of course there are more.
Dreams never end unless you want them to.
They are yours to own.
And owning means that you have to work for them.
When I get discouraged from following a dream, I always picture myself on the first day I started working in the Emergency Department.
Right smack dab in the middle of everything I worked for to get there.
Then I remember that I can do anything.
Everybody has a dream.
As my thank you for reading this drawn out post, I give you cuteness.