He giggled as he dramatically fell backwards into the car over and over.
“Hurry up Chunky! I’m getting wet out here!”
“It’s heavy! My backpack is heavy,” he shouted as he tried to wriggle himself off of the floor like a turtle flipped on its back.
“Chunky, you have a hot lunch today. There is nothing in your backpack. You can’t carry air?”
He stood up, straightened his shirt, reached for my hand, and then leapt like a frog without fear onto the pavement.
“Momma, we are so going to be so late for today!”
I rolled my eyes and pulled his arm towards the narrow path sandwiched between two homes.
A woman with a Labatt’s Blue umbrella approached us from the other direction. Immediately I knew that I wanted to be her best friend because you can’t just stroll into a grade school with a classy accessory like that without being fucking awesome.
I smiled as she squeezed herself underneath my umbrella and I took note of the zit on her cheek. That’s how close we got. As I adjusted the umbrella back over our heads, Chunky had found a snail crawling across the pavement. Other kids soon crowded around that ugly thing in amazement. I wondered who would be the first gross kid to pick it up.
“We’re going to be late for today. Remember?” I poked at Chunky’s shoulder.
He waved to it and said, “Bye sticky thing.”
We made it to the front doors just in time. I kissed him goodbye then scurried across the parking lot towards the path. I sort of felt like a kid playing hopscotch as I skipped around massive puddles. It really didn’t matter though. The bottoms of my pants were already soaked.
I only took a few quick steps on the path when I heard and felt the crunch.
Immediately I knew.
I killed the snail.
For some reason, I started to laugh thinking of those kids who had huddled around it.
They would come looking for it when school was over.
I imagined their disappointed faces and wondering who was the cruel human being to step on one of God’s creatures and then they would make a pact and decide to become vegetarians in honour of the snail that they would name Slime Shady.
Then they’d grow up, and incorporate this event into a wedding speech.
Or a blog post.
I didn’t want to be responsible for that chain of events so I contemplated kicking, no, scraping it towards the grass so they wouldn’t see the carcass.
But I was wearing my blue flats.
The moral of the story is that we all have the potential to be snail killers.
No, I actually wanted to make this into some sort of inspirational post that basically told you that you should slow down to observe the small things like disgusting snails that rich people eat at fancy parties.
Because life is too short.
Ask the snail.
Then I was going to make one of those buttons that bloggers do with a quote on it so that other people could ponder my words of wisdom and wish that they had thought of that and then pin it and drive traffic to their blog.
And then I decided that I “ain’t got time for that.”
Yesterday, my pain specialist asked me how I was feeling mood wise.
“Flip flop” I responded.
Sad. Kind of sad. Depressed. Anxious. I think that the computer guy put a chip in our computer so he can get our passwords. Irritable. I sort of want to hit you in the entire head with my purse. Happy-ish. Hey I can smile without it being too painful.
But I’m mostly sad and ridiculously anxious for no reason.
And my hair is falling out in clumps.
What am I doing about it?
Slowing down. Self care. Meditation. I’d go for a walk but it’s been raining. Eat more apples because I’m constipated. Lay on the carpet and make the world’s worst impersonation of a car motor as my son looks in horror.
So, how is your day?
By the way, if you see a snail on a milk carton, it wasn’t me.