If anyone tells you that dropping your child off at school gets easier with every new year, know that they are lying. They hate puppies and punch babies in the face for fun.
I can’t even count how many fights we had this summer regarding who ate all of the marshmallows in the cereal, or how I grossed you out when I refused to flush the toilet at 5 am because, for the love of all things holy, I just wanted to sleep in.
I hate watching Ninjago.
You hate watching Honey Boo Boo because they don’t speak “Spinglish” and you can’t understand them.
You didn’t want to play goldfish with me because it was a “learning” game.
I didn’t want to play with Legos with you because I don’t approve of playing with things that are considered weapons.
Ask my feet.
You’d be surprised that by the time your birthday rolled around, we had not killed each other. You started talking about school and missing your friends and I talked about missing getting my eyebrows waxed without you standing on a step stool and asking the aesthetician if you could rip my hair out.
With only a few short weeks left of summer, we tried cramming in all of the things fun so that when school rolled in, we’d be so sick of each other that if someone didn’t cut the umbilical cord soon, we would just chew it off.
If only it were that easy.
Your first day of senior kindergarten is today, September 3rd.
You’re the big man on campus and officially among the elite of children who belong to the infamous zipper club. Hell, you can be the president, chairman, and CEO of the club if you wanted to.
Because you can zip up coats like a boss.
I offered to carry your backpack like I had always done last year but you said, “No Momma. I’m a big kid now.”
You most definitely are.
We got to school at 8:40 am sharp and you jumped in line with your old classmates. You smiled so big and pretended to eat your girlfriend with your fancy monster shoes.
You looked so confident which was a far cry from last year’s experience.
As time wore on, the crowd of students grew larger. I didn’t need to see your face to know that your heart was starting to race faster than mine. You poked your head up and around to make sure that I was still standing there. I waved at you, which I imagined gave you a brief sense of security.
However, the crowd continued to grow and soon you were swallowed whole by oversized backpacks, spotless sneakers, pigtails, and fistfuls of disgusting germs. There was no amount of waving, thumbs up, and blown kisses being sent your way to quell your stomach from inching its way up your throat.
You started to cry.
And that is ok.
School is scary.
All new experiences are scary.
We all get scared.
Momma does. Daddy does. Even Uncle Chuck Norris, with his impenetrable beard, does.
Last September, you blew me away with your perseverance. You cried every single day, but it got easier right? Remember it got so easy that you actually started to enjoy it and looked forward to it.
Even though you’re only a “whole hand” old, I want you to know that you inspire me. When you started to cry today, instead of running from your fears, you stayed there. I saw your wheels spinning and you waved to me and then called for your teacher. You wanted my encouragement and hugs, and you wanted your teacher to put up the (class schedule) pictures so you wouldn’t be so anxious and would know what to expect throughout your day.
Dude, you knew what you needed to do to help get you by that day.
You breathed. You thought. You took control of your fear as you took action to help fix it.
I’m thirty something and I still have no idea what I should do when my anxiety is out of control.
I don’t know what I have done in this life, but it must have been something fucking spectacular to have been blessed with a son as awesome as you…
…a boy who fills in all of the spaces of my heart that I never knew existed.
I love you to the moon.
You’ve got this in the bag.
Your Ninjago one to be exact.
One day at a time…
…it will get easier…
Readers, I am so honoured that I am up for Circle of Moms Top 25 Canadian bloggers. If you love what I write, I encourage to you head over to Circle of Moms and vote (click button below). Make sure to check out the other blogs listed. All amazing! (You can do this every 24 hours!)