I didn’t realize how disgusting the stadium floors were. Gum, smashed peanut shells, and a trail of toilet paper that led to a beastly man holding a tray of nachos. He did not go easy on the jalapenos which meant that he was definitely going to have the worst case of lava shits in the morning.
It was Star Wars night at the ballgame. Basically a convention of zits and weird men who bore absolutely no resemblance to the characters they were trying to portray. I was pushed into the middle of the most obnoxious fans on the planet. They collided into my sides and walked so close behind me that I could feel their dirty beer breaths on the back of my neck.
I was one more light saber bum violation away from losing my mind and punching someone in the face with a foam tiger claw. I grabbed onto the back of Shawn’s jeans and gave it a tug. He saw my face and just knew. He pressed on, navigating through the crowd as if he was Moses parting through the sea.
“Breathe,” Shawn said as he forced me to the clearing. I lifted my head and scanned the area for exits. That’s what you do when you’re scared as hell about something and you don’t know what “it” is. I assure you that whatever “it” is, it will be very scary. Like Chewbaca hiding under your bed wearing your panties scary.
Why are you smirking?
There were only a few people waiting in line for either the bathroom or the pretzel stand and a woman who was clearly drunk by the way she was held up by the garbage can. She had that familiar beautiful blonde hair that fell perfectly over her shoulders and that unmistakeable voice.
“Chris!” I shouted.
She turned her head and started squealing like a teenage girl. We both ran towards each other and slammed ourselves so hard that our boob job-less boobs squeezed together. For those of us sporting A cup’s and almost B cup bras, that’s called touching souls.
“Oh my god. This is the best birthday present ever,” she said as she accidentally punched her husband in the penis.
Chris white-nursing-sneaker-squeaked her way into my life when I was assigned to train her in the ER. Probably the worst mistake our manager could have made. Kidding. We were fucking awesome together.
“I can’t believe it’s you. It is really you. Oh I miss you so much and our pubic hair discussions! Honey, remember my Kim? Yes you do. We went to her wedding on my 30th birthday and she made us sit next to that guy in a red tux. Remember? Oh my god. You’re married! No, I know you’re married. I’m drunk. Oh my god. You’re going to be celebrating your 10th anniversary on my birthday! September 20th! I can’t believe it. This is the best birthday present ever!”
Two whole hands according to the fruit of our love.
Chris leaned in and asked, “What keeps the love beating?” Shawn nodded his head and gave me a go to brew up some smart ass comment because it’s fun playing with drunk people. All of a sudden a red light saber cut through our discussion from below.
(sigh) “My dad loves my mom and then she loved my dad and then they loved each other so then they got married and then they went to the graveyard and picked me up and that’s it,” our five year old smart ass said.
“You came from a graveyard?” Chris laughed.
“Yup.” he said proudly.
“I think that we picked you up in aisle 9 in God’s angel store and he put you in my belly.” I said.
“Mommaa, angels live in the graveyard don’t you know.”
After we mingled for a little while longer and exchanged our good-byes, we made our way back through the thick crowds of fans. The world started to cave in around me and I panicked. I could feel my heart beating in the back of my throat but I could feel Shawn’s hand that was grasped on to me tighter.
I breathed knowing that wherever we were going, we were going to get there together.
Just like we always have for 10 years.
The secret you ask?
And clean underwear.
Happy Anniversary Babe. Thanks for loving me and bringing up the sewing machine for me last night. xoxo