In all the confusion, there’s something serene
I’m just a posthumous part of the scene
Now I’m floating above looking in
As the radio blares and wheels spin
I can see my face slump with a grin
And you…you’re the last thing on my mind
Tonight Is The Night I Fell Asleep At The Wheel – Barenaked Ladies
Over the last few months, I have worn myself dangerously thin. I cowardly backed myself into a corner by saying yes to people when I wanted to say no. I agreed when I didn’t want to. I let them belittle me when I should have stood up to them. I let them project their negative emotions onto me as if I was the one who created them. I accepted their “excuses” (never an apology) for their wrongdoings towards me. So on and so on.
Why do I allow this to happen?
Because I don’t want to hurt their feelings.
There are only so many times when a person can put their needs last and in recognizing this, I knew that I had to turn away from the train wreck(s) before I exploded. I did but not completely. Where I perceived this as a flexible boundary, they saw it as the Berlin wall and made me feel like the world’s biggest asshole.
Day in and day out, all that I think about is how in the world do I make this right?
I shouldn’t have to.
I’m beyond overwhelmed and the other day Shawn lovingly told me:
“You’re f*cking nuts. Let’s get ice cream.”
And surprisingly, that makes life better.
So what broke through the chaos and made me smile this week:
- Volunteering for this shit show, but seeing my kid smile. Worth it.
- Golden Oreos because screw you chocolate.
- Rain because I am hoping that the massive trench my kid dug in my garden will flood and turn into the beginning of a pond. I’ve always wanted one in the backyard.
- That one day when I was able to wear a short sleeved shirt.
- Deodorant for that one day when I was wearing that short sleeved shirt.
- Laughing along with Chunky as we looked at his old baby pictures. This one in particular.
- Slow cooker because the people who installed our kitchen cupboards installed the wrong ones.
- May 2-4 weekend and family BBQs.
- Shawn for keeping it real.
How do you set boundaries?
Did people respect them?
Do you always say yes when you want to say no?
Do you always say yes because you’re afraid of hurting people’s feelings?
Do you feel guilty when you do say no?