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Plastic Lawn Chair Sweat

In my slice of Ontario, the weather rarely makes a gradual transition from one season to the next.

Winter turns into shorts and burns and armpit sweat and my neighbor’s clunky gold chain entangled in his thick Italian chest hair and if your eyes, heaven forbid, travel downwards, you will see his exposed man boobs.

Then summer turns into layers of clothes and blankets and fat, and frostbitten noses and spending an uncomfortably long time indoors with the people you love but will want to punch in the throat by the time you find yourself in a quandary over using shampoo or body wash on your legs because the hair got so unruly over the winter months.

I can’t stand the naysayers who curse the cold all winter long and then when mother nature delivers the heat they pray for the cold again. Not me. I like the heat. I could sit outside for ages. Even in the thick of trying times, the sun baring heat always seem to uplift my worn spirit.

summerish

People find it odd that my anxiety doesn’t have to be provoked by something earth shattering. It can be something as simple as a lost sock because your dog is an asshole. I find that I am getting better at recognizing when my stress is not proportional to the situation at hand and for those situations, I can step back and work through it. However, when the stress is out of my control, such as being dragged into fights that I don’t belong in, I have a hard time coping.

I am having a hard time coping.

I’ve been trying to keep busy instead of ruminating over a particular situation. I started doing things on top of things on top of things and nothing is getting accomplished. My thoughts are wildly racing and I feel lost among them. In my head there always seems to be that “one thing” that I’m supposed to remember to do but I can’t. Then I think that maybe that “one thing” isn’t a thing at all.

I’m frustrated, irritated, anxious, negative, and whatever else I can think of that sums up the feeling of “nuts”. So today, piss on all of the things I cannot remember and the things I should be doing.

It is summer in my neck of the woods and that means beer and “thighs stuck to plastic lawn chairs” sweat and my every day staple, anti-anxiety meds and this gorgeous sun.

And this…

rockon

Because screw anxiety.

 

What do you do to keep anxiety at bay when you cannot control the situation? 

 

***My email is not working again (Yahoo you have one job). If your blog is listed on bloglovin, can you leave your address? I’m only receiving 25% of my emails a day and only a smidge of those are feeds from blogs.

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40 comments to Plastic Lawn Chair Sweat

  • I knew things had gotten hinky for you. I am so sorry my friend. I am totally proud of you for the progress you have made in knowing the balance of anxiety, emotions. So proud.

    I promised I wouldn’t bitch about the heat after bitching about the cold/snow all winter. I lied. I have whined, but I am trying to be better. But man, I have this 6 year old whose love language is touch and mine IS NOT. Mine is “damn you, give me my space. BACK AWAY.” So on top of my space issues in the first place, she wants to snuggle. It is way too freaking hot for that.

    I love you lady. I am so glad to see you back on your blog.

    my blog is http://www.gigglesandgrimaces.com

    [Reply]

    Kimberly Reply:

    @Charity, If you so much as complain about it being sticky out today, so help me Charity…so help me…:)

    [Reply]

    Charity Reply:

    @Kimberly, Well, you know…I was sitting out getting my vitamin D today, and that chair.got.so.hot. I had to come in, I was melting… :)

    [Reply]

  • Liv

    Good for you. Enjoy the sun!

    [Reply]

    Kimberly Reply:

    @Liv, Oh I am soaking it up like a boss.

    [Reply]

  • Anxiety is a bitch.
    I hate her.
    She can eat it.

    [Reply]

    Kimberly Reply:

    @Leighann, one, two, punch in the junkage

    [Reply]

  • Kim

    I agree – everything is better in the summer when it is hot!! Beer and sweat – what more do we need?!

    [Reply]

    Kimberly Reply:

    @Kim, Right?! The world is a better place behind shades and a tall cold one.

    [Reply]

  • I have a lot less anxiety in the spring/summer/fall and even on sunny winter days. Keeping it at bay. That’s tough. It’s a whole internal struggle of talking myself out of it. Lately I’m often successful. Once in awhile, I’m not.
    But that’s ok. Life is heavy and heady and there’s a lot going on right now and there will always be something going on. I’m just keeping my head above water. Way above water right now.

    [Reply]

    Kimberly Reply:

    @Tamara, Know that I love you and I am thinking about you right now….

    [Reply]

  • Anxiety is an asshole.
    You are not. xoxo

    [Reply]

    Kimberly Reply:

    @Alison, Unless I eat that last cookie,…then I might be one xlxox

    [Reply]

  • Ugh, anxiety has become a part of my life the past year or so and I hate it! Maybe hormonal changes since I am about to turn 39:/ I try to just talk myself through it and breathe deeply but it doesn’t always help. I woke up one night a couple months ago and thought I was having a heart attack, but realized I was having my 1st panic attack (I think). Not pleasant:/ Enjoy the sun and beer:)

    [Reply]

    Kimberly Reply:

    @Rachelle Q, OH the night time panic attacks are horrifying. Absolutely horrifying. Yes, sometimes the deep breathing doesn’t help at all. It’ is hard to relax when your mind is all keyed up. That is the last thing that you want to do is to stop and be all “zen” like.

    [Reply]

  • I find a nice cold glass of lemonade helps in the summer…but that’s no guarantee!

    [Reply]

    Kimberly Reply:

    @Eva Gallant, Oh I love lemonade. Throw in some blue curaco…you have a party.

    [Reply]

  • I completely agree that I like being hot. I don’t turn on the AC (much to my husband’s chagrin) until it really reaches unbearable levels.

    I’m currently in the same sort of doing one thousand things at once which really amounts to doing nothing at all. I’m not anxious about it rather wondering if I have some sort of adult late onset ADD or something. Or maybe I just don’t want to be doing the things I should be doing so I keep starting something else. Like reading blogs and commenting instead of working…

    [Reply]

    Kimberly Reply:

    @Marta, Ha. You got it exactly. You’re doing things but you’re not doing things and taking on more things and then you get to the end of the day and all that you’ve accomplished was keeping your lipstick on.

    [Reply]

  • It is okay if I quote you in permanent marker on my wall art? “Piss on all of the things I cannot remember and the things I should be doing. – Kim Morand.”
    What if I quote you in an arm tattoo? too much? okay. But it’s a really good mantra. I like it. Reminds me of ‘stop the glorification of busy’.

    [Reply]

    Kimberly Reply:

    @Lyla Jackson, OoooOOOooo I’d like that.
    I’d try it out in sharpie first. Well maybe you shouldn’t because you know…spelling errors by the tattoo artist.

    [Reply]

    Charity Reply:

    @Kimberly, I had thought a semi colon should be my first tattoo but we might have to start a movement with that one Lyla.

    [Reply]

  • Sunny days are always better, yet the other day in my notebook I wrote this, as a thought which occurred, and which I think there’s more to write on…

    “I feel wonderful in the sunshine but bad weather gives me the opportunity to practice feeling wonderful, because although it rains, I am the same person…”

    I don’t deal well with anxiety a lot of the time.

    [Reply]

    Kimberly Reply:

    @Considerer, That is just perfect. I agree wholeheartedly with that thought. I find too that when it rains, I’m able to also feel what I truly feel without feeling pressured to be the opposite. Like I almost feel guilty to be sad when it is gorgeous out.

    [Reply]

    Considerer Reply:

    @Kimberly, sometimes I feel worse in the sun, conversely, because it seems to mock the swamp of negativity. I occasionally have been known to take it personally and wish that it was raining so that inside and outside match up.

    [Reply]

  • When I can’t control the situation, my anxiety spikes. I try to talk myself down because I am usually such a rational person. I hope your summer is full of plastic lawn chair sweat, and not very much anxiety.

    [Reply]

    Kimberly Reply:

    @Dana, When I can, I step back and ask myself “would someone else find this to be stressful?” and if I answer no, then I work it out from there. It’s the ones that I can’t control. I find I panic more trying to figure out how to fix it, when in reality, it can’t be.

    [Reply]

  • That’s the main reason I have anxiety – situations I can’t control and won’t ever be able to control, yet I have to deal with all the time. I have no solution. That’s why I’m losing my mind.
    HOWEVER. I agree with you, summer is the best.
    http://www.backinthebush.wordpress.com

    [Reply]

    Kimberly Reply:

    @cyndy, It’s those situations that will eat you whole. You try to work through it, but it is so hard. I wish there was an easy button and that I could let their drama roll off of my shoulders. xox

    [Reply]

  • Okay, I do take medicine for anxiety, but I need that rarely because mine is more often mild than debilitating.

    For the milder form of anxiety, I thank God in prayer about the things I’m anxious about. “Thank you for finding a solution to our finances” (when there is no solution in sight). “Thank you for speeding up my metabolism and helping me to lose weight” (when I am sill a lump of soft flesh) That sort of thing. That works when I’m anxious, but not terrified. When I’m terrified (Matthieu is having a biopsy on his skin and I’m sure it’s cancer and he’ll be dead in a year) then I take medicine to manage it. It’s just not worth it. (PS Biopsy thing happened right after the miscarriage, but everything is fine now. Except for our finances).

    Love you.

    [Reply]

    Kimberly Reply:

    @Lady Jennie, I love you too. I find it so helpful when we all offer up some ideas on how to handle anxiety. I used to pray…you know that already…and it did help. I find that stepping back and analyzing the situation and asking myself “would so and so be stressed about this too?” Sometimes I find that when I say no…it is easier to deal with.
    I hate that our minds jump to conclusions like that. Hate. It just runs with the negativity and it is so believable. xoxo

    [Reply]

  • Jen

    I kickbox and run away my anxiety. I also clean and organize all.the.things to at least have my environment be free of all the clutter that is in my mind. Anxiety is a complete beeyotch. I will drop kick her in the butt for you.

    [Reply]

    Kimberly Reply:

    @Jen, Oh declutter. Don’t you find that it makes your anxiety so much worse? My house is in shambles because of renos and it is driving my anxiety through the roof. I busted down crying on Friday. Ugly crying when a shelf broke in the basement and sent cereal all over. Grr.

    [Reply]

  • I’m with Alison. Anxiety really is an asshole. Oooof.

    I thought about you a lot yesterday. Went to the doctor and got a script for Zoloft. Scared to try it and terrified NOT to take it…. the anxiety has been reaching epic proportions lately and it’s never triggered by anything in particular. Just like, “HEY HERE I AM READY TO TOTALLY F*CK YOU UP FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER.” what a jerk.

    I don’t have any answers. I always look to you though because I think however sh*tty it gets, you show us all how courageous and strong and awesome you are. XOXO

    [Reply]

    Kimberly Reply:

    @Charlotte, Oh Charlotte. I am so sorry. I feel the exact same way with my meds too. I get really discouraged when there is a dose change or a new med added, but I know that I need them. There is no point in suffering like this. It is so painful. I really hope that it works. Know that I’m just an email away ok? You’re a force to be reckoned with. Don’t you ever forget that lady…xoxo

    [Reply]

  • I love the heat. Except when I have to drive a lot. Because my car doesn’t have air conditioning. Which is tragic. And sweaty. Just really, really sweaty.

    [Reply]

  • Anxiety is really tough to deal with. the one thing I learned along the years is that you have to simply get help from someone. Friends do help out a lot and it is a lot easier than dealing with it alone!

    [Reply]

    Kimberly Reply:

    @Maria, You are absolutely right. It is so much better to go through it with someone than alone. It is a very isolating place.

    [Reply]

  • Definitely screw anxiety! I hate it. It seems to me like I live in a constant state of it lately. So I hear you, loud and clear. And just in case I didn’t say it loudly enough last time….screw anxiety!

    [Reply]

  • There isn’t much but getting a tattoo keeps the anxiety away for a bit.

    [Reply]

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