The candles flickered wildly as our son jetted past us at the table with an armful of dinky cars. Shawn mumbled something over his shoulder to him about burning too much energy before his hockey practice while I inspected the lifeless pasta. It could have been anything on the plate. All food tasted the same – disgusting. Unable to eat, I put my fork down, and grabbed the wine glass instead. I rolled my shoulders back to release the tension and took a deep breath.
Because every night panned out to be the same and then it bled on into the morning.
Over and over and over and over.
Depression isn’t like the flu where it’s over in approximately a week – there is no definite end to depression. It can be ceaseless weeks, months, and I’ve even heard of people who’ve struggled with it for years.
Depression is so much more complex than being sad which is a normal fleeting emotion. You can physically feel the pain as the illness burrows itself into every crevice of your soul and feel it suffocate you as it infects every bit of air around you.
It is empty, dark, and cold.
It is thoughts of being less – worthless, helpless, hopeless.
It is standing in the middle of a crowded room with everyone you love and feeling utterly alone.
It makes you believe that you’re just being a burden.
And it makes escapism seem enticing rather than frightening because the pain of this horrific illness that bad.
Over and over and over every day.
But every day I keep telling myself that things will get better because eventually they will.
I know this because I have before. Depression is treatable and you can fight back.
If you look back in the 6 years since I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar disorder you won’t see mangled roads, you will see how they were paved over with hope and love.
I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for amazing people in my life holding me up when I couldn’t stand.
I don’t own enough lives to pay each one of them back.
Today we all can help save the lives of so many by talking about mental illness.
(This is not a sponsored post and I am not a Bell Canada customer. I am writing this because I believe in this cause and it needs to be shared.)
Today, on January 28th, 2015, Bell Canada will donate 5 cents for every text message sent*, for every long distance call that is made*, every tweet using the hashtag #BellLetsTalk, and Facebook share of the Bell Let’s Talk logo.
Please……it just takes one click to share….one click to save someone that could be sitting right in the very room you’re sitting in.
- 1 in 5 Canadians will experience a form of mental illness at some point in their life.
- At this very moment, some 3 million Canadians are suffering from depression.
- 2 in 3 people suffer in silence fearing judgment and rejection.
- Only 49% of Canadians said they would socialize with a friend who has a serious mental illness
- 27% of Canadians are fearful of being around people who suffer from serious mental illness
Canadian Institute of Health Research