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I Will Fight For You

The candles flickered wildly as our son jetted past us at the table with an armful of dinky cars. Shawn mumbled something over his shoulder to him about burning too much energy before his hockey practice while I inspected the lifeless pasta. It could have been anything on the plate. All food tasted the same – disgusting. Unable to eat, I put my fork down, and grabbed the wine glass instead. I rolled my shoulders back to release the tension and took a deep breath.

Because every night panned out to be the same and then it bled on into the morning.

Over and over and over and over.

Depression isn’t like the flu where it’s over in approximately a week – there is no definite end to depression. It can be ceaseless weeks, months, and I’ve even heard of people who’ve struggled with it for years.

Depression is so much more complex than being sad which is a normal fleeting emotion. You can physically feel the pain as the illness burrows itself into every crevice of your soul and feel it suffocate you as it infects every bit of air around you.

It is empty, dark, and cold.

It is thoughts of  being less – worthless, helpless, hopeless.

It is standing in the middle of a crowded room with everyone you love and feeling utterly alone.

It makes you believe that you’re just being a burden.

And it makes escapism  seem enticing rather than frightening because the pain of this horrific illness that bad.

Over and over and over every day.

But every day I keep telling myself that things will get better because eventually they will.

I know this because I have before. Depression is treatable and you can fight back.

If you look back in the 6 years since I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar disorder you won’t see mangled roads, you will see how they were paved over with hope and love.

I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for amazing people in my life holding me up when I couldn’t stand.

I don’t own enough lives to pay each one of them back.



Today we all can help save the lives of so many by talking about mental illness.


(This is not a sponsored post and I am not a Bell Canada customer. I am writing this because I believe in this cause and it needs to be shared.)


Today, on January 28th, 2015, Bell Canada will donate 5 cents for every text message sent*, for every long distance call that is made*, every tweet using the hashtag #BellLetsTalk, and Facebook share of the Bell Let’s Talk logo.


Please……it just takes one click to share….one click to save someone that could be sitting right in the very room you’re sitting in.


  • 1 in 5 Canadians will experience a form of mental illness at some point in their life.
  • At this very moment, some 3 million Canadians are suffering from depression.
  • 2 in 3 people suffer in silence fearing judgment and rejection.
  • Only 49% of Canadians said they would socialize with a friend who has a serious mental illness
  • 27% of Canadians are fearful of being around people who suffer from serious mental illness

                 Canadian Institute of Health Research



  1. Yes, hope and love… all the way around! xoxo

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      @Susi, That is what keeps me pushing always xoxox

  2. I love you. xoxo

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      @Alison, I love you too xoxo

  3. Kir Kir

    You..are amazing.
    A true hero to me and so many others.

    Love you gurl! xo

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      @Kir, I love you too Kir xoxo

  4. I love Bell Canada’s campaign. We hear about it on the River all the time. Love you Kim.

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      @Charity, Love you too Charity

  5. I love that you hang on to hope and positivity in spite of how miserable this disease makes you feel. You are a rock and an inspiration. Much love! xoxo

  6. A word that comes to my mind is STIGMA. And it’s not fair. Depression is painful and as you’ve shown us Kim, it’s manageable too. We shouldn’t be afraid to talk about it. Great awareness post. Hope it gets better real soon!

  7. Jen Jen

    Love you lady. Hope and love are what helped me through.

  8. Gah that hole of empty and nothing. Those “feelings” are horrible. To even look back on them to where I was, and think that that’s where you are still now, makes me hurt. I wish I could grab you from the pit and pull you up inch by inch and bring you with me. I will try and keep trying. Love you hard.

  9. I choose you. I will keep choosing you.

    Keep fighting, o feisty, banana-bread-and-butter-filled, wonderful one 🙂

  10. […] – Kimberly wrote, too, because she was finding life hard (by which I mean to say, her depression was not allowing her to find life anything BUT hard), and […]

  11. Love all around, always.

  12. You are always such a powerful voice for those that struggle.

  13. I wish I had seen this in time to help. And it’s true – it does get better. No mangled roads around you from what I can see. It’s all paved over with love and hope – even if it’s borrowed.

  14. What an incredibly wonderful cause. SO many of these things I can relate to, especially being in a room full of friends and feeling either isolated or looking for an escape.

    I am so glad you are on the mend and that you are doing all the things necessary to feel better about yourself. And that you have a strong support system. That is sometimes the best medicine. XOXO

  15. Mike Mike

    Always sending you a ton of love and support, Kimberly! I’m always around ya know, my friend 🙂

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