Us: It’s almost Spring!
Mother Nature: Hold my beer…
It’s been the longest winter it seems. We haven’t had much snow and it hasn’t been too painfully cold but it’s been this lack of sun that has poisoned my entire being with such a strong sense of negativity. It’s constantly looking out of my window and seeing the world on mute. It’s as if Mother Nature pulled my depression out of my center and put it on display.
I’ve never felt this unhealthy before – bone-weary, hollow, and every time a light switch was flipped I needed to plant my face against it because I was starved of sun. I often joked with my husband and said that even the sun had enough of our bleak world and just packed up with all the other lucky retired Canadian snowbirds who effed off to Florida.
The sun would not have cured me of my depression but I know it would have helped me through this mess.
I advocated for myself and asked for an antidepressant. I started taking it a few weeks ago and I began to busy my hands with things I loved to do instead of busying my mind with thoughts that entertained dark endings.
Some mornings after dropping my son off at school, I would go grab a coffee and take a mini drive around the city with the radio turned up. When the mood struck, I’d pull into a parking lot and take out my notebook and write.
This solitude fed the introverted heart in me. It allowed me to ignore the laundry, the sweeping, the lists, the unannounced visitor, my phone, all.the.things.at.home.that.prevented.my.lungs.to.expand.and.contract.
Sweet bearded Jesus, I could breathe.
Even if it was just for a little while.
And right now the sun is hiding but every day it’s coming out more and more.
It’s staying longer too.
I’m slowly trying to come back out too.
Life kept happening hard though.
That’s the thing when you get sick. There’s no pause button on life when you’re trying to figure yourself out so you just have to keep rolling with it. Sometimes you have to – no, you NEED TO put up protective walls around yourself while you’re healing.
That could mean stepping away from certain people who may bring you down and learning to say “no”. Unplug the phone, deactivate your Facebook for a little while or clean up your friend’s list, don’t hang with the people who make your insides instantly wrap up like a ball of barbed wire.
If they care about you, they’ll respect you and your boundaries.
If not, well, I don’t know. I’m not a therapist but I am good with flipping the middle finger.
Also, baking. I’ve been good at that. Rage baking is good for the soul box.
And listening to your kids is so good too. Do that. Listen to your kids more when they talk. They have such marvelous stories.
Also getting outside. If you’re worried about showering and your hair and make-up…girl, yesterday’s make-up can be today’s smokey eye and put on a hat. Sure it might be scary but do go out and get fresh air if you can.
But I’ll tell you one thing though. That Frost guy – when he said to take the road less traveled….
I made it. We all did.
Sunnier and warmer days are coming everyone.
This is my jam right now
And I was interviewed on the sweet and very hilarious Lonneke’s blog Relaxing Mommy. You have probably (most definitely) recognize her from her instagram account RelaxingMommy (if you’re not following – DO NOW! She cracks me up!)
I’d love it if you’d swing by and say hello!