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Bravery Looks Like This Mama

Ever lie awake at night and think of that one day when that something went terribly wrong and it was like everything after that fell apart in rapid succession.

Big things, little things, are you effing kidding me things, oh my god not right now things –

And there was nothing that you could do to prevent any of it.

Some days you almost feel like a spectator in someone else’s life like “Is this really happening?”

And you almost wish that you were someone else.

You wish you that you were that mom standing at the fence at the school gossiping with her bleach blonde, round bottomed tribe wearing matchy match flamboyant leggings – pointing, laughing, eye rolling, at the mom who is a hot mess unfolding each day at pick up time.

And thanked god it wasn’t you.

But it’s you.

It’s you.

The hot mess.

How did this happen? you say.

You roll over, look at the clock and realize that you only have so much time left till the sun wakes the world.

Instead of counting sheep, you count the things on your to do lists and they grab you by your throat.

You want to run but where are you running to Mama?

When problems sink into your flesh like leeches,  nothing will change if you remain still in the dark swirl of the night or the comfort of the shadows in the day.

You can cry, kick, punch, scream, use all the sweary words, but baby you’ve got to find it in you to fight.

Take that anger of all that has gone wrong – that burn in your center – and let them be the hot daggers, the sharp knives that will cut you through your thick days.

One day, it will all fall into place.

I promise you.

You’ll look back and straighten your posture – your crown.

Bravery looks like this Mama:

Showing up every damn day despite what life and illness is trying to bury you under.

I am sure of it.

Don’t give up.

T-shirt made by Perfectly Designed and they’re fabulous. Check them out!

 

This song

This Wild Life – No More Bad Days:

Resilience is my promise
I’ll never give up on us
Just lift your head up higher
I’ll be here when you’re tired
And need some peace
Just get some sleep

Because my legs are strong
My arms are stretched so long
I will always reach for you
Cause you are sweet and pure
Yeah you are beautiful
In everything you do
You may have given up
But I will lift you up
I will always carry you

20 Comments

  1. Love this. I am definitely always the hot mess, and not part of the crowd at school pick-up. Or the crowd anywhere. Oh well. Just have to keep going and hope it gets better. Great song too.

  2. LOVE this. I’m part of the hot mess tribe. I take it all one day at a time. Honestly, I’d rather be in the hot mess tribe. I think there is more support there. <3

  3. I love this! There is nothing wrong with not being perfectly put together or always getting things right. If people seem that way, they are either very rare or hiding the crazy/hot mess.

    -Lauren

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      I think you’re right. People get really good at hiding it!!

  4. Not yet a mom, but always a hot mess. It’ll be the name of my first album 🙂 But you know what? It takes true chutzpah to admit that and who the eff cares about these cliquey moms with their leggings? They are far less interesting in my opinion and I’d so much rather hang out with the ones who don’t claim to have their poop together because holy hell that is exhausting and bich, I know you lying anyway.

    This song is beautiful–thank you for sharing. And I love that shirt!!

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      Aren’t we all a hot mess. Some people just hide it better than others. I’m convinced of that fact.
      And school moms can be the worst kind of animal in printed leggings ever – for the record. Just throwing it out there.

  5. Kimberly, I needed this post today! This is so me – always worrying about everything and everyone. If I write this or that, what will people think? I play it safe and I think thats the problem. I have a post that has been tugging at me to be published for Mother’s Day – but I am scared to do it! Which completely contradicts the title of my blog (boldlybravely).

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      Girl – write that post.
      That’s your space to dish your words and feelings.
      I’m so tired of worrying about what other people think of me. Let them think it.
      You do you…you can delete the comments…don’t allow negative words in your space…just like you don’t allow negative people in your space.
      Do you girl. Get it out. xoxox

  6. I love this pic of you so much, Kim! Your expression and posture show your strength X10. LOVE your message even more. I’ve also been the hot mess…during my divorce I was the subject of gossip and dirty looks. NOPE. don’t care what y’all think of me–. Great song!

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      Thank you so much Lisa!
      The school moms can be vicious. I often wonder if my son was bussed to school instead of a pick up/walk to school.

  7. Definitely a hot mess over here… I’ve always felt like I don’t quite fit in… anywhere. So I do what I do and keep plucking along. xoxo

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      *Raises glass to toast you*
      xoxo

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      Thank you Deb – you are one brave and bad ass mama xoxo

  8. i love the attitude you’ve got going on with that shirt, lady. you rocked it. :]

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      Thank you so much Jenn!

  9. Janet Accetta Janet Accetta

    How courageous we all are, giving birth to a living human being and raising him or her! And if you add emotional illness to that enormous task, we are truly heroic! I honor all the mothers here, and myself, and you, Kim, on this upcoming Mother’s Day – xo

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      We most definitely are.
      Happy Belated Mother’s Day Janet xoxox

  10. **And thanked god it wasn’t you.

    But it’s you.

    It’s you.

    The hot mess.**

    Yes.
    Yes.
    Yes.

    I. Luv. U.

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      Love you too Kim xoxox

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