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When You’re Sick On Mother’s Day

And now it all comes together, as I’m on my knees wondering why my funkadelic leopard print pjs are soaking wet. That story he told me, right before my eyes rolled back and drew the curtains on my feverish delirium.

“Hey mom. Guess what just happened? I pooped and peed at the same time! But it’s weird because I don’t know where my pee went.”

My God.

I’m kneeling in cold urine.

Normally I’d care but not tonight or today or whatever effing time in the universe this is. Everything seems to be magnificently blending in like the three day old mascara streaked across my face.

When you have a kidney infection, you just stop caring about pee on the floor. You’re too busy trying to not feel like dying and let me tell you, it’s hellish. I have sweat at least half my body weight through this weird internal deep freeze and reheating cycle. I get leg cramps and I saw my dead Aunt.

Just kidding she’s not dead yet.

My right kidney feels like the fist of Chuck Norris himself. Every time I cough, sneeze, breathe, walk, turn, pee, think, that fist ย clenches my side as if I were a human stress ball.

I’m a human stress ball.

I’ve never been more aware of an organ inside of my body in all of my life.

Thank you God for giving me kidneys and I’ll never mistreat them again.

Amen.

Things I am also aware of:

That when I am sick, life is expected to carry on as usual.

My home is destroyed.

From Monday to whateverthehelltimeofyearitis, no one has done dishes, laundry, cooked a meal, made a lunch, or swept a floor – I now have dog hair tumbleweeds floating across my living room every time the furnace kicks on. My quaint little potted cactus adds that final je ne sais quoi to make you really feel like you’re in the Wild West.

While I had my head two inches from the toilet, I was able to marvel at the toothpaste located *gestures everywhere* here. I tried to employ my psychiatrist’s brighter side thinking so I imagined the gobs as works of art. My boys are like the friggen Picasso with toothpaste.

I’m proud.

Narrator: But she was actually lying. Her left eye twitched every time she walked into the bathroom. She wanted to set the place on fire.

I would be visibly in pain and I was still asked without any hesitation mind you:

“I can’t find…”

“Did you wash…”

“How come you didn’t buy the chocolate granola bars?”

“Did you make me lunch?”

“What’s for supper?”

I made air for supper. Figure it out.

But you know what? I did end up doing the dishes, I still got the kid to school on time, to the dentist, to his doctor, to his swim class, necessary clothes were washed, lunches made, I still stayed (mostly) awake for bedtime routines that lasted 2 hours, I even picked out 2 Mother’s Day gifts just before I drove myself back to the doctors because I was still not well.

I sat in the waiting room by myself, sweating, while watching this kid play with a bin of empty sealed urine specimen cups while her mom yelled at her from a distance in both English and in French. There was a woman who kept petting and flicking her long brown hair and slurping her stinky coffee, another who kicked her shoes right off, one kid was eating Doritos.

I was so irritated by this.

Then my husband texts me:

“Mother’s Day cards are $8. WTF”

You. Piece. Of. Shi…..

You. Buy. The. Card.

The whole bloody rack.

And buy me soup.

 

He forgets the soup.

 

At whatevertheeffingtime it is, I’m in tears. I really don’t have the strength to take a shower, to mop up this pee off the floor. I go to the kitchen to get some water and there’s a text:

 

My mom.

To the rescue.

 

Mother’s Day has always been a weird day for me. I didn’t want to celebrate my first because I didn’t feel like I was deserving of it. I failed at everything from breastfeeding to colic (as if I had any witchy witchcraft powers to make it go away – if I did, I’d be a billionaire) to postpartum depression and anxiety to not being able to stack wash cloths perfectly and keep specks of dog hair off of anything.

That first year was sheer madness.

I was in survival mode really.

Something finally clicked along the way during my talks with my psychiatrist and I don’t know when it happened. It did though.

You just have to be good enough.

Perhaps you’re reading this and you’re going through it now or have been through it – postpartum depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety, or just plain old mom slumps – and ย you’re struggling with today.

I’m looking around my house and my “good enough”?

Was practically super human.

And that’s said with confidence even while staring at the clump of grass sitting on the kitchen floor that my blind dog tracked in from outside.

Moms, we do so much for our little ones. We are cooks, house keepers, accountants, teachers, doctors, therapists, dance *cough* instructor in the kitchen, super shoddy seamstresses, the nooks and crannies where they land their heads or feet or elbows, the ultimate voice overs during story time, keeper of secrets and trinkets found in the park, night time monster slayers, cab drivers, and super fans….

The list goes on.

What you do every day Mama, is good enough and that is worth celebrating.

It’s worth celebrating even when you give your son a wrinkled up shirt to wear and goldfish and cheese for lunch.

He still squeezes your hand exactly three times just like he always does before he runs off with his friends.

But not before he says “I hope your kidneys feel better. I really do love you. So don’t die today.”

Should be in a Hallmark card.

Happy Mother’s Day xoxox

Ps. All I want is my house cleaned for Mother’s Day

PPS. Written from my cellphone in the comfort of my bed, so if it looks funky, sorry!

PPPS. Postpartum moms, it does get better. Promise.

 

21 Comments

  1. I don’t hope you are starting to feel better. This does not sound like any fun. Have a happy and relaxing Mother’s Day!!! xoxo ๐Ÿ’

    • Wait, what? Freaking autocorrect — I swear I wrote “I so hope…”.

      • Kimberly Kimberly

        HAHAH!!! I got you Susi!!!
        I’m feeling much better. I got new antibiotics now.
        I hope that you had a wonderful day ๐Ÿ™‚ xoxox

  2. Happy Mother’s Day! Drink plenty of water and cranberry juice and be sure and take whatever the doctor prescribed, all of it if it’s antibiotics. Take care of yourself, and hope you feel better soon.

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      You know I’m chug-a-lugging the cranberry juice like it’s nobody’s business. The new antibiotics are like horse pills and I take them for 10 days. I’ll be sure to take those for the entire course because I’ve never felt this horrible. Plus, I kind of like my kidneys ๐Ÿ™‚ I’ve already noticed an improvement with this new medicine – thank goodness! I have a huge tolerance to pain and I don’t want to feel like this ever again.

  3. Aw, Kim…hope you’re feeling better soon. That sounds terribly painful! And all you do in spite of it? WOW. You are better than good enough, lady! Happy Mother’s Day to you xoxo

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      When I took Chunky to swimming lessons, I think I was delirious. The pool is just around the corner and it makes him happy so I figured I’d take him. The smell of the cholorine and the heat in there…OMG…I was dying.
      Happy belated Mother’s Day to you too! I hope it was wonderful!! oxoxox

  4. Oh my goodness, I am so sorry you had all of that happen this weekend. I understand the kidney side of it. I have been diagnosed with kidney stones and they really make life tough. Feel better soon!

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      Oh I have heard that those are the most painful thing to have ever. My sister in law ironically had kidney stones at the same time as me and she is pregnant. How weird is that timing? She actually had to spend some time in the hospital for it. Poor thing. Damn kidneys. WAit….I mean….nice kidneys *pets back*

  5. SO not fair to be so sick for Mother’s Day! I hope you are on the mend soon. Happy belated Mother’s Day!

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      I know! And a kidney infection on top of it. Ugh. Remind me to never get one of those ever. Never.

  6. Happy belated Mother’s Day. I hope you feel better soon.

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      Thank you Emily. I am feeling better today. They put me on stronger antibiotics and it seems to be doing the trick!

  7. Ah that’s so unfair, the one day where you should be getting spoiled. Of course good enough is good enough, sometimes we just have to get through one day at a time x

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      My boys were actually really good on the day itself. Man, it was rough though! xoxo

  8. Oh no, I’m so sorry you were sick on Mother’s Day! i hope you feel better soon. You’re awesome – remember that!

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      Thank you so much! I am feeling better. They put me on something much stronger and it is helping me! I never knew a kidney infection could make you this sick. I have a high pain tolerance. I really do – I have chronic pain! And this took me right out at the knees. Whew!

  9. Hey babes,

    I hope you were able to find moments of joy and were able to enjoy some of your Mother’s Day, despite sounding like you’re dying. (Dramatic, yes I am. lol). I hope that you’re starting to feel better, as I know kidney infections are no joke and they hurt like a mother. How fitting… You see what I did there? LOL I’m such a cheese ball.
    Happy Belated Mother’s Day, Kim! ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      You funny girl you! I am starting to feel much better. They put me on something different and stronger. My goodness. I had no idea that it could take you out like that. I still get sweats though and really winded. I’m definitely taking it easy. I do not want to clean. Don’t wanna. Don’t wanna. xoxo

  10. Ugh, this sounds awful, and yet, told so wonderfully? On a phone, no less? I truly hope you are feeling better. Happy Mom’s day. “I made air for dinner” – I’m totally going to use that. Soon.

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      Oh it is the perfect response for the picky eater. You can’t go wrong with air. Yes, I had a lot of time on my hands. I was getting antsy in bed. Actually, I ended up going to the couch. My husband’s snoring almost got him smothered with a pillow ๐Ÿ™‚

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