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Thirty Six-ish

I was born on my grandma’s birthday and from what I heard, she was the most excited person on the ward – like plop a winning million dollar lottery ticket in her lap kind of happy.  In the few years we actually celebrated together, I sat on her lap in front of a disgustingly thick chocolate frosted cake and flashing bulbs from every which way while a crowded house sang to us in off-key. My older cousins ran amok up and down the stairs and I always kept one eye on my dad and that vein in his forehead that told me when he reached his “people-ing” limit…

…oh and that Jello my grandma used to make in those deep glass dishes.


Sometime, perhaps it was after my third sibling was born and right around when my Papa passed, the birthday celebrations fizzled out. All of them. Birthdays became nothing more than a slab of cake left on the kitchen table and whoever was around to sing after dinner. It was my 12th birthday when my younger brother climbed his way on to the table and sat in the middle of my cake. Ate half of it while we were watching a movie in the basement. Everyone laughed except me. I really wanted cake.

My dad said, “Why are you so miserable. The corners are still fine. Just eat that.”

I looked at my brother who had cake slathered on every ounce of toddler fat and when he raised his hands to clap “F**K YEAH” I saw that he had blue icing smashed in his armpits because why the hell not.  Then there was that 15 pound soaking wet diaper.

In the middle of my cake.

His nickname is still “Cake” by the way.

But in the corner of my 12 year old heart, I still call him “Little Asshole”

In high school and college I found my tribe of alcoholics people who liked to party. Since my birthday always fell on Labour Day, the weekend celebration was a gong show from Friday to Monday.

God love my liver and kidneys.

And then somehow we all made it to school on a Tuesday.

Then I met Shawn and he reintroduced me to what “normal” people do on birthdays.

I’m like, “Why are you all sober? You’re all singing? Is that cake? Presents? Are you all coming to hug me? I don’t like hugging. I don’t like germs. Your fat baby has snot on it’s…oh your hugging me. Look bish, I’ve got a nail file. Back. UP!”


And his family hugged me.

And it was awkward AF.

But this is what you do apparently in normal households I’m told.

So then birthday celebrations were kind of sort of back on.


Flash forward to 2017. We don’t do anything fancy or spectacular. I’m not the ME! ME! ME! It’s my birthday Month! Kind of a person. All I want is the three of us for dinner and a little getaway if the weather is nice.

My sister usually takes me for coffee and we chat and she usually embarrasses me in a store somewhere.

I get phone calls from my siblings – this is a rarity yo. So I treasure these calls.

My dad takes me out for coffee or breakfast during the school week and my mom makes me a cake if she has time.

And no my brother DOES NOT TAINT my cake.

I actually really like my birthday low key like this.

You know, it’s funny….I never remembered what gifts I got for any of my birthdays.

Well except for that one year when my Papa and Grandma bought me the pink Barbie corvette.

No girl ever forgets their first Barbie car.

But I always remembered the people and the hideous haircuts our parents made us have and the good times we shared.

That’s what matters.

And good hair.

Not only did my mom give me a mullet, she made me pose with She-Ra when I had chicken pox. I felt awesome.


PS. Happy Birthday Grandma xoxoxoxo



    • Kimberly Kimberly

      Thanks suga!

  1. Happy birthday lady! I say low key celebrations are where it’s at. My birthday falls over US Thanksgiving every year so it’s always kind of been about that. And my husband’s birthday is literally the day after mine. So we kind of share our day. We make a bigger deal out of the kid’s birthday since it’s one week after ours. It works for us. But we use it as an excuse to get a kid free nice meal somewhere in there.

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      HAHA! Now that is a plan for sure! Holiday birthdays do take the lime light away from the day don’t they? I always wondered about that – like thanksgiving for example and Christmas. But it sounds like you guys make it work really well. I love that all of your birthdays land so close together.

  2. Happy Birthday!

    “Cake” is a generous knickname given what he did to your birthday.

    I think adult birthdays should be low key. I baked my own cake this year. I was able to coerce my daughter into icing it, but there was a moment when I wondered if anyone here knows they SELL CAKES IN STORES???

    Maybe next year!

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      HAHA!! Yes it is a generous nickname. Jerk…was another.
      And I have made my own cakes and wondered the exact same thing! Much much easier. Although my sweet tooth sort of prefers ice cream now. It’s the icing that does me in now a days. Damn this getting old thing kind of stinks some times!

  3. Happy belated Birthday pretty lady! xoxoxo

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      Thank you so much Lindsay! xoxo

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      I did! Thank you so much!

  4. Happy belated birthday! Mine was on August 27th

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      August is also a good month to have a birthday! My son’s was on the 14th. Happy Belated!!! xoxo

  5. Omg, you. You just make the world a much, much better place with your snark and sarcasm. For real. I’m wishing you the happiest of birthdays and hope you have the time of your life and that you get diaper-less cake and birthday hugs even if they make you uncomfortable AF, and a princess Shee-ra and a day without checked pox 🙂 love you, momma!!!

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      Thank you so much Charlotte! And the cake will definitely be diaper-less! xoxo

  6. Happy Birthday! Low key is the best way to celebrate everything in my opinion. I celebrated mine yesterday, and there was no singing or cake, but my mom did make me a chocolate chip banana bread which was very yummy. I don’t like to make a huge deal, but I do like to enjoy my day, which usually means I get some alone time and quiet. I think it’s pretty cool that you and your grandma share a birthday.

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      Happy Birthday Lady! Chocolate chip banana bread is so yummy! And quiet me time is fantastic. I’m enjoying that a little bit now that my son is in school!

  7. Kim Kim

    Happy Birthday! As a kid I always wanted to have parties like my friends did. Then my dad finally threw me one for my 11th. But he drank to much and passed out for most of it, we had to cook for ourselves and he didn’t make a cake. But he did find the card he meant to give me the year before that said Happy 10th Birthday! LOL Haven’t been big on Birthdays since then. But this year my friend and her family spoiled me rotten and it was kinda nice for a change!

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      Oh no Kim! That is so awful. I am so sorry that happened to you!
      If it’s any consolation, my dad came over to tell me that he was going to take me out for my birthday and said “You don’t have to eat much. I know that you like to barf it up” – as if I’m bulimic. I’m not.
      That is so wonderful of your friend and her family to spoil you on your birthday! That is fantastic! That is a really great friend to have. You deserve it! xo

  8. Happy Birthday! I love low key birthday celebrations too.

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      Thank you Emily!
      Low key is my jam!

  9. Happy Birthday!! Low key can be really nice. I like trying to see friends around my birthday, especially if it had been awhile, but we don’t tend to do anything too crazy.

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      Thank you!

  10. Happy birthday! I love that you go to share some birthdays with your grandmother. And you should use your brother eating your cake for mileage as long as you can.

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      Oh you know I will!
      And thank you!

  11. Happy belated birthday, friend! I am all about low-key celebrations. I’ve never been a big fan of making a big deal of my own birthday. Hope you enjoyed your day! 🙂

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      Thank you! I did enjoy my day! My boys made me breakfast and set off the fire alarm 🙂

  12. Happy birthday! That story about the diaper and the cake…. I usually don’t do much for my birthday, but that would have gotten to me, too!

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      Thank you so much Crystal. Yeah, it was very low key this year. My boys made me breakfast and set off the fire alarms this year. Then I went with my sister to get her eyebrows microbladed on to her face. HA!

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