And just like that…
And just like that, I swear to you…
It was as if someone was so fed up with the thick, sweaty, heat that they grabbed their neighbour’s rickety old ladder without even asking, perched it and climbed to the very top, pulled a chalkboard brush from out of their back pocket, reached high above their head and then angrily erased all the dense smog from across sky to reveal the bluest of blues.
If I could find the person who did that, I’d let my dog poop in their yard for the rest of his days…God bless his senior beard.
I’m probably the one in 1000 people who despises fall and thinks that pumpkin spice lattes tastes a lot like sadness and I’ve got enough sadness.
In fact, I suffer from bipolar depression every damn fall, and it makes me panic that summer just gave up on me so soon. It was like a light switch. The warm breezes were just passing over my bare skin while I sucked back habanero beer and swatted away bees and other creepy things like my husband’s wandering hands and then all of a sudden I’m rushing to shut out the cold chill and the eerie smell of dying vegetation. Summer was on then it was off.
God, I wish medications worked on illnesses in exactly that way.
I could walk into my psychiatrist’s office and say:
“Doc, my anxiety is so horrendous that my heart is ready to explode and I’ve cried so much that my soul is dehydrated.”
And he’d say:
“You’re bonkers. Take this and call me in the morning.”
And I’d eat them and *BAM* the next day I’m fine…until Spring when I’m the complete opposite but then there’s a pill for that too.
But bipolar anxiety and depression doesn’t work that way.
Trial and error and self care and avoiding negativity like deactivating my personal Facebook page for a week because people are stupid and not staying up late and not engaging in texts with toxic people who only want the gossip and avoiding emails for a week and ….
It’s pulling out the SAD lamp again.
And remembering that it’s totally OK to focus on YOUR BUBBLE and what’s inside it.
Bad Ass hair cuts
Finding hope in all the right places.
Fall may just be a beautiful time of year with all the changing colours and it’s cozy and whatnot, but it also can be very hard for so many people.
It’s back to the grind. It’s crappy weather. It’s pumpkin lattes and pumpkin condoms.
Oh, it’s a thing.
So please, don’t forget to be good to yourself and to reach out if you’re struggling.
Please reach out.
And if you know someone who is struggling, may be struggling, or just fell off the radar, ask them – “How are you?”
I’ll leave with this.
I was diagnosed with a mental illness 9 years ago.
I’ve stayed for 9 years.
I stay because I was made out of love and made to experience this life.
And I choose to stay, to speak up, to love my 2 monkeys, because I know that pain is only temporary –