Skip to content

Building My Village

No one ever really talks in my psychiatrist’s waiting room.

Or makes eye contact for that matter.

Or maybe that’s just me being weird and highly anxious in social settings.

Whatever.

Yesterday though, this lively woman barged in, kicked off her sandals, sat criss-cross apple sauce on a chair and then declared that our doctor had the best “f**ken couch” than any of the other doctors in the city and she was thankful to be his patient.

We all nodded in agreement.

And then she pointed out that I had great shoes and she had great shoes and this woman had nice makeup.

This spurred an offbeat yet playful conversation about shopping for makeup at the Dollar Tree and how to pluck chin hair.

And I loved it.

I loved that momentarily we forgot where we were, like we were just normal people sitting in a coffee shop together. We didn’t have labels and we didn’t have issues but we did have great shoes and chin hair apparently.

As I sat there listening to these two women carry on with the conversation, I knew I made the right decision at 2am on Wednesday via email.

I joined a local support group.

 

There’s the old adage that it takes a village to raise a child but what about the mom?  It also takes a village to hold the mom up — and I need to build that village for myself.

 

I’ve lost a lot of good friendships over the years due to moves and simply growing apart. I do believe my illness has played a role in some and that’s heartbreaking. So I don’t have a lot of people I can trust to lean on when I’m unwell. Often times I feel like an outsider and that I don’t belong anywhere. I can’t go out like I used to. Not that people invite me out anyways. The other day I got a message from a friend saying that I looked frightened at her shower. I wasn’t mad at her for saying that because I was. Unfamiliar crowds make me want to rip out of my skin suit.

I joined this group because I want to be able to talk freely without judgment and for people to actually understand.

I want to be seen and heard.

Because right now I feel very thin and almost invisible…but thanks Karen for liking all my Facebook posts but not saying hello to me in public.

Is it because I’m not wearing leggings as pants?

 

 

 

PS. Your testicles are showing

In turn, I want to support them as well.

Kind of like what I did here and found here (so very grateful) when I started my blog years ago, only I’m going to be meeting people in person.

Typing that makes my armpits sweat but I know this is going to be a good thing.

No one should travel this beat up road with all the construction cones and annoying detour signs alone.

I’m not alone but I need more help.

There is no shame in asking for help or joining groups – I wish I had known about this one sooner!

It starts next week.

 

Via www.motherhooduncut.com

 

 

Have you ever joined a support group?

 

 

 

 

 

 

15 Comments

  1. I am so glad you are going to the support group and I really hope it goes well for you. I’d be sweating too. It’s hard, but I hope you find some good people you can trust. Because until they invent teleportation, I can’t just be zapped to you with a bottle of wine and an invitation to just hang on the floor, so you gotta have some other people too. 🙂 Sooo proud of you. Go get it.

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      HAHA! Could you imagine if they did? Bring a box of wine girl. We’d kill it!

  2. I’ve tested the waters with one support group, but it was a bad experience. That tends to happen when the group leader allows one person to monopolize the conversation. (For all I know, the Chatty Cathy might have been the group leader.) On the other hand, I was a member of one for job seekers that was very helpful. The only way you’ll know if a support group is good is to actually try them out. If you have a bad experience or get a bad vibe, there are always other ones, and you don’t have to go back. Good for you for giving it a try, and I hope it goes well for you.

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      Oh John, I am so sorry to hear that. I was thinking about that too. I wouldn’t be the one to command the stage in a group setting – especially if there are a lot of people. I just want to test the waters on this first meeting. And you are right, if I am not feeling it, I don’t have to go back. I do hope that it works out though.

  3. Your support group sounds lovely. I hope they’re able to give you what you need. I tried a few groups when my daughter was little. Mothers & More was the name of one. It seemed like a great idea during the hypomania. When that passed, I entered a long period of being completely anti-social. It occurred to me recently that I do just fine with small groups. If it gets to be more than six people at a function I just clam right up. I avoided a family reunion this summer because I just can’t handle that many people. And I think it’s okay. I mean, it sort of has to be.

    Good luck next week!

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      I did a mom and babies group too. It was awkward at first and I hated it – they made me feel like I was an inadequate mom. Like they were just the best at mothering their babies and I was terrible. But, my OB encouraged me to keep going and I did. In the end, the moms opened up and it turned out, we all had the same struggles. I never divulged that I had PPD though. I was too afraid to. The group was small.
      That’s how I feel right now – anti-social. I mean, it’s not on purpose. It’s just that I get too overwhelmed by everything like you said. People don’t understand how awful it is – I am sure you got a lot of flack for missing your reunion. Like I go to my son’s hockey games and we have to be there an hour in advance and I’m bombarded. I can’t walk in and go right up to the wolf pack of hockey moms and start up a conversation. So now the hockey moms don’t even acknowledge my existence. It’s awful. They’re terrible. Ugh…

  4. How did you find it? I want one too. It’s a big step and I’m so proud you’re doing this!

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      Well my husband has this theory…LOL
      I had a mini meltdown in my psych’s office when he had asked me how my son was doing and I said that no one asks how the parent is doing when you take the child in for appointments. Because the parent gets overwhelmed when taking care of a child who is sick. Then all of a sudden, at my son’s next appointment with his doctor, there was a flyer waiting for me. I asked if it was new and they said nope. It’s been running for a while. It was just odd timing. My psych and my son’s doctor work together. So my husband thinks that word got around….LOL. It’s all good if it did. I really need this. I wonder if you googled support groups or ask your psych if there is one – or even ask your hospital? I just really need people to talk to.

  5. ~~~Hello, Sweets.
    The girl sitting criss-cross apple sauce would have
    immediately been my friend!
    So glad you found a support group.
    Love & More from MN. xx

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      Well hello gorgeous.
      She was very lively and I loved that. No one ever really talks in the waiting room. I think that’s partly why I get so anxious in there. It’s so tense. Like “where do I look?”…eeeks.
      I am glad that I found one too. I just need to talk to other people who understand what I’m feeling and thinking.
      xoxo

  6. So glad you found a support group! I’m still looking for my people because you are absolutely right that we shouldn’t travel this road alone.

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      I am so glad too. I really hope that it works – that it’s helpful I mean. I had no idea that it existed. I’m really struggling right now. I hope that you can find your people too girl. I can be your virtual peeps! xo

  7. That is wonderful that you have found a support group. You are not alone and I’m so glad you have found this group.

  8. GOod luck and I hope it’s everything you’re hoping it to be, and more. I was in a six month group therapy last year? I think. I’m a bit pissed off though cause I slipped trough their cracks, I think, as I’m supposed to be on this massive wait list for one on one therapy. But then I guess that goes to say that there are so many people out there needing these resources and there simply isn’t enough.
    One thing I found about group, or any therapy for that matter, is that it’s fucking completely and utterly exhausting and draining.

    Hugs and kisses sweets. xo

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      OH. NO. Lindsay. That is awful…why is it that we have such long wait lists for mental health? It really turns my stomach. Everyone talks about how amazing our healthcare is meanwhile, we are all waiting…My son gets head to toe hives every day. It’s a mystery. They are sending him to an allergist…his appointment? May of 2018.
      The group was small and went well. There was a woman who the group was able to help set up some resources/agencies etc for her and her family. She found the group through her son’s school by accident. I think I’ll go back next month. It’s only once a month.
      xoxo

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *