No one ever really talks in my psychiatrist’s waiting room.
Or makes eye contact for that matter.
Or maybe that’s just me being weird and highly anxious in social settings.
Yesterday though, this lively woman barged in, kicked off her sandals, sat criss-cross apple sauce on a chair and then declared that our doctor had the best “f**ken couch” than any of the other doctors in the city and she was thankful to be his patient.
We all nodded in agreement.
And then she pointed out that I had great shoes and she had great shoes and this woman had nice makeup.
This spurred an offbeat yet playful conversation about shopping for makeup at the Dollar Tree and how to pluck chin hair.
And I loved it.
I loved that momentarily we forgot where we were, like we were just normal people sitting in a coffee shop together. We didn’t have labels and we didn’t have issues but we did have great shoes and chin hair apparently.
As I sat there listening to these two women carry on with the conversation, I knew I made the right decision at 2am on Wednesday via email.
I joined a local support group.
There’s the old adage that it takes a village to raise a child but what about the mom? It also takes a village to hold the mom up — and I need to build that village for myself.
I’ve lost a lot of good friendships over the years due to moves and simply growing apart. I do believe my illness has played a role in some and that’s heartbreaking. So I don’t have a lot of people I can trust to lean on when I’m unwell. Often times I feel like an outsider and that I don’t belong anywhere. I can’t go out like I used to. Not that people invite me out anyways. The other day I got a message from a friend saying that I looked frightened at her shower. I wasn’t mad at her for saying that because I was. Unfamiliar crowds make me want to rip out of my skin suit.
I joined this group because I want to be able to talk freely without judgment and for people to actually understand.
I want to be seen and heard.
Because right now I feel very thin and almost invisible…but thanks Karen for liking all my Facebook posts but not saying hello to me in public.
Is it because I’m not wearing leggings as pants?
PS. Your testicles are showing
In turn, I want to support them as well.
Kind of like what I did here and found here (so very grateful) when I started my blog years ago, only I’m going to be meeting people in person.
Typing that makes my armpits sweat but I know this is going to be a good thing.
No one should travel this beat up road with all the construction cones and annoying detour signs alone.
I’m not alone but I need more help.
There is no shame in asking for help or joining groups – I wish I had known about this one sooner!
It starts next week.
Have you ever joined a support group?