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New Year, New Symptoms

It’s January 11th and my Christmas wreath still greets my mail carrier every time they almost die slipping and sliding through the ice and snow as they valiantly deliver our mail. I’d like to think it makes them smile when they reach their destination.

Congrats Carol, you survived!

PS. Only twelve more months and you can put this garbage back up.

PPS. I’m way ahead of all of you.

Actually, I am not. Since January 1st, I’ve been mindlessly scrolling through my social media feeds and I swear that there is this dog who is far more accomplished in 2018 than I. Have you seen this dog? She learned to toboggan.

CHECK IT! I’ve watched it a million times. It’s happy fuel.

 

What have I accomplished?

I polished off a bottle of Tylenol and I think I’ve showered three times.

Oh, I got a haircut!

I find it fascinating that with a flip of a calendar I saw everyone’s attitude shift online. It was great. The goals, the positive affirmations, the “New Year, New Me”, and I was silently rooting for all of you while double fisting sugar cookies and tempting to try Motrin again even though my psych said, “Don’t you f**king dare.”

He didn’t say that.

But he had that warning twitch in his eye…

You see, before Christmas I began experiencing a whole new set of troubling physical symptoms. I won’t get into all of it but I feel like the tin man that has the flu but doesn’t have the actual flu – rusty stiffened painful joints and I have extreme fatigue.

You all dove into the New Year ahead while I?

I creaked, ached, took a nap, and then filled up empty spaces with doctor’s appointments in my brand new agenda. It’s not even the agenda I wanted. I wanted the one that cost far too much and came with stickers, markers, dividers, online support, daily quotes, hidden pockets, and probably a small unicorn I could name Willy.

But honestly though, I’m OK with the small agenda because let’s get real here:

  1. No one has time to fill out all of those daily affirmations Carol. I mean I could make time but Netflix is calling
  2. And stickers rarely stick to paper as evidenced by my walls, floors, and dog’s entire body of 2014

    Chunky uses Champ as art.
    “Momma, I used all of my heart stickers on Champ because I love him and he looks very really pretty.”
  3. I’m not moving the Wall Of China in my purse every time I need to find a piece of gum. The small agenda would fit in any purse.
  4. My back is constructed as sturdy as kid art is – layers of folded up tinfoil, random globs of glue, cotton balls, and a dash of glitter just to piss off the neighbours for years to come – so I could never carry a brick like that in my purse or anywhere.
  5. What do unicorns eat?

Another thing I read in January is a lot of negativity. One bad thing happened and *WHAM*

“2018 is the worst year ever”

Me: It’s only 30 minutes into January Linda

January is just a month.

Look, if you are overwhelmed thinking about how much 2018 sucks already, or all of your goals that you haven’t started or haven’t made, feeling the pressure to lose weight, to eat right, organize all the things, write books, read books, sleep more, spend more time offline, be the best at xyz, reinvent all that you are! reach that goal of running 5k…I want to tell you to step back from the ledge of insanity for a second and breathe.

I believe that bad things happening in January does not dictate the rest of the year and that change comes when you are ready – when you feel it in your bones and you get that swirly twirl in your gut whenever you think about that thing.

That’s when you take that one step forward.

Start.

Fail – because you probably will. Accept that. Change isn’t paved on perfect roads but know that you have the power to get up and start again.  Keep pushing.

You do not need a new calendar or a January. You just start when you’re good and ready.

I don’t make resolutions. I just jump into the New Year with more of a “Well good. I made it. Now let’s get running.”

I pick a word or words and mine is:

“5 More Minutes”

Because my son says this all the time. I’m sure that all of you moms can relate to hearing this phrase. “But mom…5 more minutes?!!!”

It’s a reminder to give myself 5 more minutes doing the things I love to do. It’s a self care thing, it’s a family thing, it’s a I’m being 100% selfish thing but it’s not selfish thing. Self care is never selfish. Last year, I put everyone else before me and I drove my own health into the ground.

And that’s kind of where  I am at right now….

Sick.

And so begins my first appointment to figure out what is attacking my joints and system. Wish me luck.

Be good to yourselves.

It’s good to be back writing and I look forward to catching up with all of you in 2018

xoxoxo

 

**Side note – Bipolar patients who take lithium cannot take NSAIDS like Motrin.  

 

And this also happened I promise that I will talk more about this incredible honour soon!

Snag a copy (digital or print or both) of Holl & Lane at https://www.hollandlanemag.com/shop

12 Comments

  1. I’m glad you are back writing. I’ve missed it. I needed to read this today. It’s been a rough week. But like you said, one rough week does not define an entire year. Each day is a new beginning. We go one day at a time. I hope you figure out your pain and can find a new management for it soon. And screw all those doctors who treated you like poop. They are poop. Love you lady!

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      Big hugs Beth. I hope that you’re doing much better this week. xoxox

  2. Hi Kim, Nice to read you again. I love your style in all ways. This: “Change isn’t paved on perfect roads but know that you have the power to get up and start again.” is so needed right now. We put too much pressure on January expectations, goals etc. I hope you get to the bottom of your joint pain. You must feel exhausted all the time. Take it easy and I hope you get some answers quickly. I think you’re onto something with the self care.

    p.s. my wreath is still up, too. 🙂

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      It ended up being a vitamin B12 and Vitaimin D deficiency! How wild is that? I’ve never felt so awful in my life. Like I was run over by a truck. I was started on shots last week. My doctor said that it will take some time before I start to feel better. So I guess this means I have a free ticket to veg and watch Netflix for a while 😉
      xoxo

  3. Nice to see you back to writing! Sorry you haven’t been feeling all that well. I totally agree that you don’t need a new year to make changes. And it hasn’t even been a full month; it probably isn’t going to be the worst year ever!

    -Lauren

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      Thank Lauren! I am glad to be back too! We can always start in February or maybe in the summer when it’s warm out…I’m so looking forward to the thaw!

  4. I’m so sorry you’ve been feeling so sick lately. I hope your doctors are able to figure it out. I’m glad that you are going to take more time for yourself. I can totally relate to that “5 more minutes mom” phrase for sure. I’m generally a sucker and give in, but sometimes, I need to be better so I can have a rest too. It’s been rough going back to school in these parts, but I don’t blame it on the year. Just my kids. But, we’ll keep on truckin. So glad you’re back to writing. Love your blog.

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      It ended up being a Vitamin B12 and Vitamin D deficiency! Who knew!
      And thank you for you kind words. I love your space on the interwebs too girl!

  5. Yeah, those NSAIDS. I keep thinking, this time will be okay…never is though. Sucks.

    Our outside decorations are still up. The inside stuff is only down because we wanted our front door back.

    My word for the year is Clarity but I think 5 more minutes is a great one!!!

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      Clarity is a fantastic word. My brain is far to jumbled and mumbled and tangled for silence and clarity. I’m trying to incorporate guided meditation more in my daily routine in hopes of calming it down some.

  6. 1. 5 more minutes can make all the difference
    2. NEVER stop writing. Your words have POWER
    3. I love that dog
    4. Did I say never stop writing?
    5. Did you watched 32 Pills on Netflix?
    6. Love U.

    • Kimberly Kimberly

      Oh I watched that documentary. It was heartbreaking and eyeopening at the same time. My pain specialist goes through so many hoops that it’s unreal. I see how conflicted he is – where he wants to help, do so much more, but the firm grip of the “law” says “nope”.
      PAin and mental health are a vicious together. I don’t understand why both can’t be treated effectively. I’ve never walked into a doctor’s office and said “I need drugs.” but I have walked in and said “I need your help”. That’s all we want. Help.

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