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2014 Canadian Weblog Awards nominee

Say Puppy

Say puppy.

Go on say it.

Say it.

Say puppy.

Puppy.

Puppy. 

Did you smile?

How can you not smile when you say puppy?

My post-procedure recovery buddy

My post-procedure recovery buddy

My brothers rehearse this bit from a Chris Farley movie whenever anyone needs to be forcibly cheered up. Just imagine yourself at a funeral and three goofy grown men with horrible fake French accents begging you to say “puppeee”.  You’d  “shoosh” them I’d bet and then refuse because you’re mourning and it’s totally inappropriate, but when one asks you what kind of animal is grandma wearing in her casket you’d look over at her lying peacefully in her handpicked “ever after” outfit. You’d remember the times when she scoffed at the idea of “so-and-so” getting their greedy grubby hands on her beloved fur…

“It looks like she’s wearing a puppy.”

And you bust out laughing.

That really truly happened.

We are a special kind of family.

Missing: Steve...lost in the Canadian snow banks a.k.a New Brunswick

Missing: Steve…lost in the Canadian snow banks a.k.a New Brunswick

Saying puppy has actually become my thing. When I’m overly anxious I start repeating “puppy” over and over in my head. I know. I can’t believe I’m admitting that. It helps though and sometimes it makes me giggle out loud so if you see me smiling and laughing for no reason, I’m probably saying puppy or picturing you naked.

My anxiety has been overwhelming lately. For one, I ran out of my medicine while my doctor was on holiday and my pharmacist wouldn’t give me “just this much” to tie me over until he returned.

Long story short, when your pharmasict asks,”Do you really need this anyways?” do not mistaken it as a challenge. He is being an asshole and YES you NEED the medication.

You also need to find a creative way to hide that new dent in the wall.

And you need a new coffee mug.

PUPPY!

Despite the anxiety, my blood pressure is still low. I went to have my lidocaine infusion for my chronic pain and my baseline pressure was 95/58.

It kept dropping as the infusion continued but I was so thankful for the lovely patients in the room who were so supportive.

“Well no wonder. Look at her! She’s nothing but skin and bones.”

Puppy.

“Do you eat dear? Are you eating enough?”

Puppy.

“You could wrap the blood pressure cuff around her waist for God’s sake.”

Puppy.

“If you pump that up any more, you’re going to snap her little chicken bone in two. Be gentle!”

Puppy. Puppy. Puppy. Puppy.

Heaven forbid that I pointed out the size of their waistlines. I was f*cking humiliated but yet I still smiled.

And of course I gloated about the ice cream and huge piece of cake with thick vanilla icing I was going to plow through when I was done with my infusion.

It was all a lie of course but f*ck them.

They have no idea.

My blood pressure started to come up after the infusion was stopped but my doctor didn’t feel comfortable carrying on with my paravertebral facet joint nerve blocks. So I was rescheduled for the second part in two weeks.

PUPPY!

The infusion left me really dizzy and nauseous and in bed and sorry for myself and…

PUPPY!

And Shawn has been working a lot and is working today and…

PUPPY!

But this guy is here keeping me company and for that I’m very thankful…

He's hogging my heating pad and claimed the remote but I'm totally cool with that.

He’s hogging my heating pad and claimed the remote but I’m totally cool with that.

And besides the word PUPPY! Music really pushes me out of these moments days weeks months moments and I think this is a good weekend to update my iPod.

With that said, I’m thanking YOU for helping me with some song suggestions.

Go on…what song gets you in a good mood? gives you a good cry? makes you feel angsty?

What song speaks to you?

I’m loving this right now:


Download with Vixy | YouTube MP3 Converter | Replay Media Catcher

 

 

Ten Things of Thankful

Chocolate Cake

He looked like poor Augustus Gloop from Charlie And The Chocolate Factory with melted chocolate painted around corners of his mouth. His hazel eyes were at half mast as he struggled to get through that very last bite of the warm chocolate chip banana bread. He slammed into the back of his chair and placed both hands over his swollen belly.

Chunky Monkey: Oh Momma, that was so good. Kaitlyn is going to make this and chocolate cake for me.

Me: Kaitlyn is going to bake? You’re only six dear.

Chunky: Momma, I know that! When we are older and married and living together like you and daddy. She’s my wife when I’m older.

Kaitlyn, a fiery red head full of sass, was the little girl who helped Chunky break out of his protective shell and pry him off the teacher’s leg during the first few months of JK. They became really good friends and then one day she said, “You’re my boyfriend.”

And then one day right before the JK teacher, Chunky said, “Wanna get married?”

And she said, “Sure but I wanna finish playing with the water table first.”

And he said, “And we have to live at my mom and dad’s because I love my toys.”

*The teacher wrote me a nice poem about the event*

They went "trick or treating" together this year. When it started to rain, Chunky held the umbrella for her....and her candy bag.

They went “trick or treating” together in SK.
When it started to rain, Chunky held the umbrella for her….and her candy bag.

Shawn: There are a lot of girls that you’ll meet you know. You might not marry Kaitlyn.

Chunky: Dad, I’ve met lots of womenS already. Lots of womenS. I’ve met Alexis M. and Alexis S. and Olivia A. and Olivia B. and Victoria and ugh I can’t name all ten of them. I know that I’m marrying Kaitlyn. I know it.

littlemisskandc

Me: Well you two are still so young. How about you guys be really good friends –

Chunky: Mom, she is my best friend and I’m going to marry her and she asked me to marry her like 500 seventy something times already in the school while I was playing soccer. I know I’m marrying her. I know because I feel it in my heart.

Apparently Kaitlyn does too.

letter

 

Do your kids have crushes? This young?
I remember boys being gross at this age!

 

 

Mama’s Losin’ It
Prompt: A story of love..

One Pill, Two Pill, White Pill, Yellow Pill

Our son’s teacher pulled out the world’s smallest chairs for us. Shawn stared down at them and then at me, “Where’s the rest of it?”

“It’s not that bad!” the teacher said as she took a seat and then effortlessly crossed her long thin legs that had gobs of yellow and brown paint along the sides. “Your son and his classmates sit in them every day and they don’t complain,” she winked.

Miss is everything you imagine a grade one teacher would be like – strikingly beautiful with a bright and bubbly personality that matches the energy of the 19 little characters she spends six hours a day with.  It’s no wonder our son absolutely adores her.

“Your son, I notice that he worries a lot. You can see it in his face. I know this because I worry a lot too. I’m starting to choke up here,” she fanned air in her face, “I have issues with anxiety.”

Shawn stopped wrestling with his gangly legs that had nowhere to go besides in a mini bookshelf and gave me the side eye. I knew he was waiting for me to say in a high pitched voice “me too!” and then jump up and hug the shit out of her for being so courageous in her admission and then perhaps start a discussion about which psychiatrist has the most comfiest couch in the city.

But the room stayed so silent you could’ve heard an ant fart. 

“Ughm,” Shawn cleared his throat.

“Yes, I used to take medications for it. I don’t anymore.”

“You don’t? You don’t have it anymore? Wow! That’s great,” Shawn said.

“Oh, I still have anxiety. I just don’t take medications anymore. I do things like yoga and meditation!” she exclaimed sitting upright like a pretentious puppy dog awaiting a treat and a pat on the head.

Yes, yes! Go on! I thought as I leaned in.

Please tell me how you eat only the stems of organic flowers that were handpicked by people who don’t even have hands! And by doing so, it erases all your worry.

“Sometimes I just have to walk away and, this is embarrassing -”

Oh how embarrassing is it? Let me guess, you rub beet juice in your belly button?

“- but I have to take time outs just like the little kids but with a good cup of tea.”

And whoop there it is.

The magic.

No. No. And No.

I shook my head at Shawn whose face – what is that look? Is that new hope?

Ugh. God damn it.

I hate hearing inspirational stories about people who used to take medications for a mental illness but now they don’t have to anymore because it makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong and it gives Shawn the impression that I’m doing something wrong.

Am I not working hard enough?

Am I not strong enough?

Is it me?

Is it?

Well, yes it is me.

I do have something wrong with me.

I have bipolar disorder – a real illness with no cure.

I would love to be like the Miss’s out there who can rely on things like time-outs with hot teas but sadly I will never be like them.  It currently takes four different medications to help control the paranoia, anxiety, depression and mania. And all those wonderful things that Miss does, I do too. They play a huge role in my healing: self-care (adequate sleep, routines, proper nutrition, mindfulness, yoga/walks, etc.) and complementary medicine using vitamins and acupuncture and everything else I’ve tried.  Believe me, I’ve tried lots of things.

It’s a continuous push and pull.

It has taken me such a long time to get to this point where I can accept that it’s ok for me to take Ativan when I can’t “1, 2, 3 breathe away” the panic attacks – it doesn’t mean that I’m weak.

I’m trying really hard.

I need medications to control what is wrong with me – bipolar disorder – or it will control me.

Worse, it could kill me.

I choose to live and if I have to swallow pills, then I will.

I’m not ashamed of that.

standalone

Source: SplitShire

And I’m happy for all of the Miss’s out there who conquer their anxieties/mental illness without medications. Medications are not for everyone. We all have a choice and whatever choice that may be, we should all be supportive of one another. Mental illness is a horrific beast and no one should have to fight it alone.

 

*I do love Miss. She is a phenomenal teacher.

Green Me

I am so excited about going out tonight with my sister and brother’s to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day that I just couldn’t sleep.

I’m just kidding.

My kid woke me up at 6 am because his stomach told him that it was hungry.

He has no willpower.

Circa 2010 (A fine year for messes and mayhem)

Circa 2010 (A fine year for messes and mayhem)

I am actually looking forward to tonight though. Last year was the first time that my siblings and I hung out for St. Patrick’s Day.

I swear that I have never laughed so hard.

Or drank that much green beer in my life.

Until tonight….challenge accepted. 

You know you're drunk when "OOooOOooo let's take pictures of ourselves with the bar décor!"

You know you’re drunk when “OOooOOooo let’s take pictures of ourselves with bar décor!” The girl in front is a ginger implant for Irish authenticity – Kidding. She’s my sister in law and we are all really truly Irish

Old School Blogging hasn’t appeared on here in a while but today is your LUCKY day to read random crap about me! I can feel that you’re just as excited as I am about waking up at 6 am.

Here goes…  

If you could be on a reality show which one would you choose?

Survivor.

Seeing as half of my spine is held together with metal and a prayer and that I’m deathly afraid of spiders, I’d be the first person in Survivor history to die on the first day but I’d die happy because I LOVE this show.

Plus I can camp like a boss

Plus I can camp like a boss

Name one thing you have saved from your childhood?

My Monchichi – minus it’s eyeballs.

menmonchichi

If your life had a theme song what would it be?

Sometimes when I walk into a room, I think people hear Star Wars Imperial March because they don’t know what kind of bipolar mood I’m in.


Download with Vixy | YouTube MP3 Converter | Replay Media Catcher

Where is your happy place?

Where there is ice cream, I am happy.

icecream2

What is one thing about your home that you and your spouse disagree on?

When we renovated our kitchen last year, we got divorced.

But then this happened…

vino

…and we lived happily married forever after.

What is your favorite fruit?

My husband.

Wait.

What?

Bowtie or regular tie?

 

eggs5

Mexican or Italian (food, not men)?

I’ll tell you what I don’t like and that is eating ham in Mexico.

You can read about that story in the hilarious anthology (shameless plug) Clash of The Couples.

Our fight was so epic that we had to commemorate it with a Halloween costume circa 2005

A story so epic that we had to commemorate it with a Halloween costume circa 2005

Where do you want to go on Summer vacation?

Anywhere that has a beach and clear skies.

Little turd imitating my mindfulness techniques on the beach (I don't do mindfulness in public)

Little turd imitating my mindfulness techniques on the beach

What are your go-to shoes in your closet?

These bad boys in lots of colours.

I can’t wear heels because of my back so I live in flats!

This is the last pile of snow in my backyard!!!

This is the last pile of snow in my backyard!!!

 

Happy St. Patrick’s Day everyone!

Make sure you pinch a ginger for good luck and drink responsibly.


His Heart

The smell of the wet soil was coming in through a draft in our bedroom window. I pulled the comforter over my shoulder and firmly pressed the side of my face against his chest and listened for his heart - lub-dub, lub-dub, lub-dub. The sounds were rhythmic and strong and I was thankful.

I am thankful.

He is my husband, my best friend – the one I laugh with, cry with, plow through an entire bag of cupcake flavoured Goldfish with and then regret it 20 minutes later when our bowels start singing the song called “That’s What You Get For Eating Your Child’s School Snacks While He’s Sleeping”, the one I share secrets with and snuggles with and kisses with.

booze2

He’s the hands I hold while we are in the car or teaching my son to play hockey or baseball and is always the anchor when we are lost.

He’s the arms that I dance with, that hold our son when he’s hurt, and that always makes us feel safe.

He’s the heart that loves me unconditionally and loves my son more than anyone could imagine.

Lub-dub, lub-dub, lub-dub, is such a beautiful sound, I thought as I lay there at three in the morning.

It beats and I am oh so thankful.

 

Pumpkin picking

 

Today, a wife and four children say good bye to a wonderful heart that stopped beating too soon because cancer is an asshole.

Please keep them in your thoughts today xo

 

Ten Things of Thankful
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