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Toothless Tales From A Train Hating Liar | #StreamTeam

Thomas

That right there is a character from Thomas & Friends – the most hated show in our household – lovingly tucked in my son’s lunch bag. According to his teacher, on a scale of one to axe murderer, he was both embarrassed and enraged when he found it at snack time.

My brothers first owned this train when they were small and because my mom keeps all the things nonessential to living, that damn toy remained unloved in the basement. Well that’s until my brothers found out that my son despised the show. The ultimate payback for all the years I picked on them was to pick on my son – with the toy.

That thing pops up in his coat pocket, tucked in his booster seat in the car, old diaper bag, and so on.  At Christmas, it was wrapped in pink wrapping paper and then it was brought back to our house on St. Patrick’s Day.

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My sister was in on it this time.

It’s all fun and games until I have to spend the rest of the night with his crabby shorts. I felt for the poor guy. Always getting picked on…

…and then the dentist happened.

We went to get a mouth guard fitted for him at the dentist one day. We were standing at the front desk waiting to pay when the dentist ran into us.  My son flashed him his almost toothless smile.

Dentist: Goodness gracious! We’ve got nothing left to protect in there!

Chunky Monkey: Nope!

Dentist: Where did all of your teeth go?

Chunky Monkey: *very serious* Well my dad he punched me right in the mouth. Just like this. *Demonstrates the punching motion to his mouth* Yup. Punched me right in the mouth.

Me: —–

Dentist: —–

Secretary: —–

People in the waiting room: —–

Chunky Monkey: Yup.

I was mortified. Luckily the dental hygienist, my friend, was there and busted out laughing. Then the whole room did. Then Chunky said he was just kidding. We had a very long discussion though about jokes and how that was not a very funny one. It could have been a very serious issue.

But I didn’t let him get away that easy. That train made its way to school with him that day.

Gotcha you little toothless turd.

train

Liar, liar, pants on fire – that is what April is all about on Netflix.

The new Netflix original series Bloodline is a new family drama that follows a family caught between the ugly truth and the terrible lie that covers it up. The Rayburns have some dark family secrets they’re willing to do anything to keep from coming out — lying included.

 

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Check out these other titles!

For your little kids:

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  1. Super Why!: S1,E15: Humpty Dumpty and Other Fairytale Adventures: Pinocchio
  2. Curious George: S1, E19: Truth about George Burger
  3. Clifford the Big Red Dog: S1, E26: The Kibble Crook
  4. The Adventures of Chuck & Friends: S1, E9: The Pothole / Chuck’s Perfect Plans

For your big kids:

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  1. Monster High: Frights, Camera, Action!
  2. H2O: Just Add Water
  3. Mean Girls
  4. iCarly: S1, E12: iPromise not to Tell

And for teens and parents:

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  1. Bloodline
  2. Just Go With It
  3. Liar, Liar
  4. Pretty Little Liars

 

How do you cope when you catch your kid lying?

 

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Disclosure:  I am a member of the Netflix #StreamTeam and received a one-year subscription to Netflix in return for posting Netflix updates and reviews, however, all opinions are my own.

Sugar Wasted

After eating my weight in cupcakes, I don’t know how I can possibly fit anything else into my stomach but it feels as though I’ve suddenly swallowed an entire net of butterflies. It’s not uncommon this fluttery, swirly, churning almost-throw-up feeling, one of many symptoms of my anxiety.

I get it when I’m meeting new people, when I’m running late to an appointment, making phone calls, folding towels, walking into the pharmacy, during my son’s bedtime routine, recalling a text I had with a friend “She hasn’t texted me back. I think she hates me.”,  and the list of triggers goes on and on.

In this moment, there is nothing menacing about cozying up to my son and inhaling the sweet scent of the honeydew melon shampoo in his damp hair yet I feel sick and crawly and uncomfortable and I need to move. I know that I’m not in immediate danger, unless there is such a thing as gun toting lice and he acquired it from one of his dirty friends at school, so there is no bloody reason for this inner dribble of unease.

That is why anxiety is so incredibly frustrating – you can have it simply just because.

I take 30 belly breaths, no more and no less to calm the butterflies when I hear giggling. The touch of his sticky fingers startles me.

“It’s ok Momma, just keep your breathing. I’ll do it too, ” he says as he dramatically inhales, expanding his belly and then sprays saliva through his pursed lips on exhalation. “My tummy hurts too. I think we ate too many cupcakes today.”

It pains me that he sees this side of me – that I wasn’t more careful at hiding it from him -  but I’m thankful that he thinks it’s nothing more than a case of being sugar wasted.

He laughs, reaches over and puts my head on his shoulder. I watch as he goes back to rhythmically tapping on the iPad and I focus in on his stubby toes curling with each anticipated move of the character in the game.

Even though anxiety is yelling at me to to do something – anything because I’m in some sort of danger, I know it’s mistaken.

It’s mistaken because I’m all right right now with him.

menchase

 

 

PS….I’m in this book. The Bloggess read it!

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If you want to learn more about the book, it’s authors, and read some more raving reviews, click the above image. Part of our proceeds go towards local charities!

 

Happy And Healthy Smiles | #ProtectUrSmile


Our son lost his first tooth when he was five years old. I was simply wiping his face and it fell out right into his hand. Infuriated with me, he stormed out of the bathroom and demanded that I call our dentist immediately so that he could “pop” it back in. It took everything in me not to burst into tears laughing.

“Your teeth are supposed to fall out sweetie. Then you grow adult teeth.”

“I don’t want to grow up! I want to stay just a kid!”

“You’re not going to grow up right away.”

“I’m just a kid! Put my baby tooth back!”

“Do you know what happens with your baby tooth? You put it under your pillow and the tooth fairy comes and takes it. Then she leaves you money.”

“She leaves money for me?”

“Yup. And you can do whatever you want with it because it’s yours.”

His eyes lit up like a Las Vegas casino sign and practically shoved his entire hand in his mouth and began wiggling all the other teeth, “I fink dis one is oose too. Ooo dis one too. I’m gonna be wich!!”

That night, I crafted a special note and slipped it under his pillow along with a toonie and swapped it for his teeny tiny tooth. When he woke up in the morning, I could hear him gasp. He ran into my room shouting, “Momma! Daddy! She came to our house! Look she left me a note! I can’t read it! What does it say?”

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It was magical to see the beginning of his transforming smile.

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My son loves his toothless smile. He thinks that it makes him look like a real professional hockey player! A few weeks ago we made a trip to the dentist to get him fitted with a new mouth guard. When he opened his mouth, the dentist jumped back and said, “Goodness gracious! We’ve got nothing left to protect in there!”

A lot of people don’t realize this but dentists are so much more than just making sure that you are doing a good job at brushing and flossing. Your dentist can actually help detect, diagnose, and treat/prevent problems you might not even know about such the condition of your gums, such as periodontal pockets, inflammation or other signs of gum disease, early signs of mouth or throat cancer, and so on.

Poor oral health can affect your quality of life including a person’s physical, mental and social well-being which is why we have to be proactive!

Here are some simple ways in which we can keep our smiles happy and healthy:

  1.  Brushing for 2-3 minutes at least twice a day to prevent tooth decay and gum disease. It may seem like a long time, especially for a small child, but there are ways in which you can make it fun. My son has a special app on the iPad that plays a song along with a quirky video for exactly 2 minutes. When the song is done, so is the brushing and he earns a fun virtual sticker to put in his virtual sticker book.
  2. Eating a balanced diet that includes whole grains, fruits & veggies, and lean meats.
  3. Wearing a mouth guard when playing sports or other aggressive activities. You can have custom fitted mouth guards made at the dentist office (depending if they offer this service). I find that these work beautifully for our son. It doesn’t cause him to “gag” like the store bought ones and they last much longer. They are also surprisingly inexpensive.
  4. Reducing your risks caused from stress, smoking and drug use.
  5. Seeing your dentist regularly.

Make your mouth your priority and call your dentist today to book your next appointment! Don’t have a dentist? Click here

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Although this post has been generously sponsored by the Ontario Dental Association, the opinions and language are my own, and in no way do they reflect the Ontario Dental Association.

Laughter Is The Best Medicine

 

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I had no clue that in 2 weeks, not only was I about to become a mom of a beautiful healthy boy, I was also going to lose my mind.

 

October 2008

Even though Shawn had printed out directions and we drove past the building three times the day prior, I was still terrified when I had to go by myself to my first psychiatrist appointment. I hadn’t been out of the house by myself in weeks. Oh, the things that could go wrong.

I could run out of gas. Then I’d have to get gas and I’d be late to my appointment. What if I didn’t have money to buy the gas? What if I didn’t know that I didn’t have money to buy gas and I already pumped my gas? Or what if I ran out of gas before I even got to a gas station? What if my car just blew up? 

I should just cancel my appointment.

“You’re being irrational. There’s nothing to be afraid of,” Shawn said and he was right.

I was 28 years old for crying out loud – a big sister of 5, a nurse in Detroit, hell I was mugged once which gives me street cred on a cul de sac – but as I drove through the seemingly big bad threatening Canadian city that I’ve lived in all my life with its noises and lights and suspicious people walking on the sidewalks, I felt like such a vulnerable child.

It was like someone took this….

 ….and put him in the locked car with me.

I was panicking.

It was only by the grace of P!NK’s CD, Jesus, and a new string of curse words, that I made it safely to the parking lot. 

A parking lot.

I had no idea where I was.

I called the office a handful of times and left messages like:

“I’m lost.”

“Can someone come out and find me?”

“No for real. I’m freaking out.”

“Oh hey, it’s Kimberly, your eleven o’clock appointment. You diagnosed me with postpartum depression and anxiety and I’m still here somewhere. I don’t know where. But I’m still here.”

Fine. I’m just going to leave, I thought and pounded my forehead on the steering wheel. Then I looked up and saw it…

“So, it’s Kimberly again. Funny thing happened to me when I was lost in the parking lot. I was in YOUR parking lot and parked right in front of YOUR office. I’m crazy so I guess this type of thing happens all the time. No? Ok then. I’ll be up in a minute,” I said to the office answering machine.

Dr. B’s was only on the second floor but I took the elevator. I remember that my hand shook when I reached for the door knob. I put my head down out of fear of bumping into someone I knew and walked in to the waiting room. The first seat I spotted was the one I flopped down on. Defeated – I couldn’t believe that I was there. ME.

When I was finally called back, I was too consumed with anxiety that I couldn’t articulate my words. I made odd hand gestures trying to explain my feelings, kind of like a game of charades but it was no use I thought. I was an unfixable crazy freak and I was going to be locked away forever. No one understood this except…

“You’re really anxious and are feeling very angry,” Dr. B said, “You’re not going crazy. We can fix this. Yes you’re a good mom. No one is taking your baby away. My wife isn’t here so yes, I can keep my dirty shoes on my desk if I want to. And you’re thinking of the number seven.”

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Medications were started and stopped and started and stopped but my mercurial moods were difficult to control. They had earned me a permanent spot on his ugly couch much, much longer than I had anticipated and in 2010, after I locked myself in the bathroom because I believed that bad men who smelled like peppermint were coming to get me, I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 disorder.

Living with a mental illness is hard, just like any illness is, but it does not define my life. It does take work and at times it takes so much of it that I’m worn right down to my bone marrow. That’s why I am so grateful for all the support and love and encouragement of family and friends.

A mental illness needs a village yet so many suffer alone.

In this book, one of which I have the great privilege of being a part of, Surviving Mental Illness Through Humor , there are over 40 pieces of first hand accounts of the highs and lows of mental illness. Often we only see the depths of mental illness, but to find humour in life’s moments will provide hope to those who suffer so they too will laugh again.

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Our goal is for all people who suffer from mental illness to find solace in the words and struggles of others and realize that you are NOT alone. You CAN survive this. We ARE here for you. 

*All contributors are donating a portion of our fees to a local charity – mine is going to my local Canadian Mental Health Association branch.

 

Surviving Mental Illness Through Humor is available today:

Amazon Paperback ($12.99)http://www.amazon.com/Surviving-Mental-Illnes…/…/ref=sr_1_1…

 

You can also follow Surviving Mental Illness Through Humor on:

Website: http://www.survivementalillness.com/  
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Survivementalillness  
Twitter: http://twitter.com/LaughToSurvive

 

 

 

Say Puppy

Say puppy.

Go on say it.

Say it.

Say puppy.

Puppy.

Puppy. 

Did you smile?

How can you not smile when you say puppy?

My post-procedure recovery buddy

My post-procedure recovery buddy

My brothers rehearse this bit from a Chris Farley movie whenever anyone needs to be forcibly cheered up. Just imagine yourself at a funeral and three goofy grown men with horrible fake French accents begging you to say “puppeee”.  You’d  “shoosh” them I’d bet and then refuse because you’re mourning and it’s totally inappropriate, but when one asks you what kind of animal is grandma wearing in her casket you’d look over at her lying peacefully in her handpicked “ever after” outfit. You’d remember the times when she scoffed at the idea of “so-and-so” getting their greedy grubby hands on her beloved fur…

“It looks like she’s wearing a puppy.”

And you bust out laughing.

That really truly happened.

We are a special kind of family.

Missing: Steve...lost in the Canadian snow banks a.k.a New Brunswick

Missing: Steve…lost in the Canadian snow banks a.k.a New Brunswick

Saying puppy has actually become my thing. When I’m overly anxious I start repeating “puppy” over and over in my head. I know. I can’t believe I’m admitting that. It helps though and sometimes it makes me giggle out loud so if you see me smiling and laughing for no reason, I’m probably saying puppy or picturing you naked.

My anxiety has been overwhelming lately. For one, I ran out of my medicine while my doctor was on holiday and my pharmacist wouldn’t give me “just this much” to tie me over until he returned.

Long story short, when your pharmasict asks,”Do you really need this anyways?” do not mistaken it as a challenge. He is being an asshole and YES you NEED the medication.

You also need to find a creative way to hide that new dent in the wall.

And you need a new coffee mug.

PUPPY!

Despite the anxiety, my blood pressure is still low. I went to have my lidocaine infusion for my chronic pain and my baseline pressure was 95/58.

It kept dropping as the infusion continued but I was so thankful for the lovely patients in the room who were so supportive.

“Well no wonder. Look at her! She’s nothing but skin and bones.”

Puppy.

“Do you eat dear? Are you eating enough?”

Puppy.

“You could wrap the blood pressure cuff around her waist for God’s sake.”

Puppy.

“If you pump that up any more, you’re going to snap her little chicken bone in two. Be gentle!”

Puppy. Puppy. Puppy. Puppy.

Heaven forbid that I pointed out the size of their waistlines. I was f*cking humiliated but yet I still smiled.

And of course I gloated about the ice cream and huge piece of cake with thick vanilla icing I was going to plow through when I was done with my infusion.

It was all a lie of course but f*ck them.

They have no idea.

My blood pressure started to come up after the infusion was stopped but my doctor didn’t feel comfortable carrying on with my paravertebral facet joint nerve blocks. So I was rescheduled for the second part in two weeks.

PUPPY!

The infusion left me really dizzy and nauseous and in bed and sorry for myself and…

PUPPY!

And Shawn has been working a lot and is working today and…

PUPPY!

But this guy is here keeping me company and for that I’m very thankful…

He's hogging my heating pad and claimed the remote but I'm totally cool with that.

He’s hogging my heating pad and claimed the remote but I’m totally cool with that.

And besides the word PUPPY! Music really pushes me out of these moments days weeks months moments and I think this is a good weekend to update my iPod.

With that said, I’m thanking YOU for helping me with some song suggestions.

Go on…what song gets you in a good mood? gives you a good cry? makes you feel angsty?

What song speaks to you?

I’m loving this right now:

 

 

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